I lost the love of my life. My sweet bully Lenny.

[advaf]

I'm so heartbroken. Can't believe I even have the strength to write this.
I became Lennys mom when he was 5 weeks. He was the sweetest puppy! I've met my husband when Lenny was 1 year old and ever since then he adapted him I used to laugh and say that my husband married a single mom lol Lenny was like my child!
2 months ago Lenny was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer. I was devastated!! But after 3 days of me consistaly crying I started researching for an alternative medicine. I started giving him cannabes oil which definitely helped. His appetite was coming back, he was playful all the time. It was important for me to know the he is comfortable. Every time I though of the chance he could die I just immediately thought of something else. I couldn't bare the thought of living without him.
2 weeks ago he lost his sight. He became blind and kept losing weight. I was in denial. I prayed and hoped that tomorrow will be better. I didn't go on a vacation that was planned ahead of time because I just couldn't leave him.
I tried to stay home every day, all day because I didn't want him to be alone.
I was waiting for a sign from him. I was waiting for a sign of when is the time to end his suffering but at the same time I couldn't think of ending his life.
I told myself that his favorite things, even at the peak of the disease, were his little pig toy, his favorite cookies and just sitting next to me and kiss me.
Friday night he didn't want his cookies anymore, rejected his toy and just wanted to be alone.
I let him sleep in our bedroom that night. Saturday morning I woke up and carried him downstairs.it was very difficult for him to walk but still he wanted outside so he could pee/poop. I knew it was time. My husband said maybe we should wait a day or two before making the decision to "let him sleep". I said ok. And then, he stood up, made a few steps and collapsed in my arms. Me and my husband laid next to him and hugged him. I whispered in his ear that I love him to death and it's ok, you can let go now. You are my hero. Please forgive me for I couldn't take the suffering away. After few minutes he took his last breath. In my arms.
I am heart broken. I'm half a person now. I do not know how to handle the pain. I feel guilty that he had to suffer like this. Please tell me how to end this pain in my heart! Will it ever go away?! His 6th birthday is in 3 weeks from now and instead of celebrating I have to burry him.
The house is so quiet now. I can still smell him. His cookie is on the table.
How do I survive this?

 

[2BullyMama]

:crying: So incredibly sorry for the loss if your wonderful boy Lenny. He is free if pain and playing at the bridge with all our babies that have gone.

The pain and loss never leaves, you know it is there but it eventually turns into beautiful memories and brings warmth to your heart and a smile to your face.

I can tell you this from experience as I lost two of my babies... grieve as you need to, let no one tell you any different-- tears, anger, fear and depression will happen as it is all part of the process. Think about having him cremated and returned to you... it dies help to have them back at home.

Hugs and prayers to you


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[1Chumly]

What can I say except how very sorry I am. Words are just not enough when you are in pain like this. It is awful. It may not seem like it now but it will get better. How long? It vary's but it does eventually happen. When Chumly died I thought I would never stop crying and I still have a good bawl from time to time. I will miss him forever but at least now I can smile at some of his antics on video. Lenny knew that you loved him and you were with him to the end, please take comfort in that.

 

[Davidh]

So sorry for your loss. It is never easy loosing one, as they take a part of our heart with them. The pain will go away eventually, but will take time. Just remember, you will always have him in your heart, and will see hi again at the bridge.

 

[Vikinggirl]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby Lenny. I know the pain of losing a beloved pet, and also loss of loved ones.
I am not going to tell you that the pain will go away, or the grief you feel will go away. There is no time limit for grief, every ones journey is different and everyone handles it differently as well. Unfortunately these beautiful dogs don't have a long life span, and we know that going in, we outlive our fur babies. We love them unconditionally, just as they love us unconditionally, they bring joy and laughter and love into our lives, and we are better for having them in our lives.
Hopefully we do the same for them. These babies have a way of wrapping themselves around our hearts, and when they go, they take a little piece of our hearts with them, and leave a pawprint on our hearts in its place. Lenny knows that he was loved, and you gave him the best life, even to the end. We never want to let them go, and it's difficult to know when the right time to let them go is, but we do the best we can for them, and they will usually let you know when it's time.
Just take your time to work through your sadness and brief, it's okay to cry. He will always be a part of you, and as time goes on, you will heal. You will never stop missing him, you will never completely get over losing him, but with each day of healing, eventually you can remember the good and happy times with Lenny, and they will bring a smile to your face. The happy memories will replace the sad ones, but sometimes you will also cry again because you miss him, and that's okay.
We are lucky to have had them in our lives, even if it is a short time. RIP Sweet Lenny, you were loved, and you will be missed. Run free on the Rainbow Bridge.

 

[CCandMurray]

I'm so terribly sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet boy Lenny. Take comfort in knowing that you gave him a life and home full of love and that he's watching over you now. R.I.P. Lenny. Hugs and prayers of comfort and healing to your family

 

[helsonwheels]

My heart is in my throat. I am so so sorry. There is not much to say but cherish the memories of your boy. He's pain free now and will always look at you from above. Lenny will always be close to you as you will have him in your heart forever.

 

[goobers mom]

Dont cry sweet mama ,please dont weep
Please try dear mama, to get some sleep.
I know your sad, and its because of me
But dont cry mama, for now I am pain free.
I know you miss me, and I miss you too
Noone could have loved me more than you.
I know of some dogs that run away to die,
But not me mama, I looked you straight in the eye.
I didnt want to leave you, but my body lost the fight.
And now my dearest mama, you mourn me day and night.
You wished you could have given me a bit more time to live.
But mama believe me I had little left to give.
I am glad you took me on that day,there was no other choice.
I would have told you to "do it" - if I had a human voice.
Dont feel guilty mama, I know it broke your heart.
I was always going to leave you first, we knew it from the start.
But what a life you gave me, it really was the best.
Not many have a life like mine, for that I am truly blessed.
I hope one day I will see you again, with a smile upon your face.
But for now I will snuggle up inside your heart, my very favorite place

 

[Ftse 100]

I am so very sorry for the passing of Lenny, and for your pain it is an awful pain when we lose our babies as so many of us treat them as if they were our skin children and loved as much that its heartbreaking when they go.

Lenny had a wonderful loving life and he will still be with you in your heart and memories.

 

[ddnene]

I'm so heartbroken for you and your family... I have lost several dogs, and many of us on here know of the pain and heartbreak that comes with it. First of all don't blame yourself for what has happened, we never really know when is the best time to let them go... he was comfortable and loved at home that is what means the most. Take the time you need to grieve, this is extremely important... be gentle w/yourself in the following days. I promise you this will get better, just take days one at a time... and we are here for you if you need us.

Sending lots of hugs and prayers

 

[Manydogs]

[MENTION=16349]advaf[/MENTION] I cried for you as I read your post. I do know how you are feeling,as I,and many of us have lost our loved ones. I know Lenny was part of you,and you feel that you are going to die,too. The kindest and best thing that you could do for him-you did. Be there for him and be with him when he passed. No one should have to die alone,and you were there for him. Lenny loved you as much as you love him,and he is looking down and he is now pain free and will be there to greet you when it is your time. You will never "get over" this loss,but in time the hurt will lessen. Someday you may want another pup to help fill the empty spot,as Lenny would want to see you happy again. So,so sorry for your pain. Now Lenny is pain free,playing at the Rainbow Bridge.

 

[rjisaterp]

Our sincerest condolences go to you and your family on the loss of your beloved Lenny. We will keep you in our thoughts an prayers in this critical time of need.

 

[cali baker]

[MENTION=16349]advaf[/MENTION], I'm so, so sorry. Lenny was taken away much too soon and I cannot imagine the pain and heartbreak you are experiencing. Please know that we are thinking of you and your family and only hope that time will help ease some of your pain. Lenny is no longer in pain and he's running happily and freely now in heaven. One day you and he will be reunited again. Blessings to you.

 

[harveyspecter]

My tears are flowing as I write this. I am so sorry. I can only relate that one day, me too will have to go through this agony of losing my boy and have to face the predicament of what you went through. Lenny was very fortunate to have been surrounded by people that truly loved him, when others are neglected and abandoned.

God Bless, I hope that time heals your wound. I also hope that you can open your heart again soon to another one that truly needs you. The joy that they give us is truly priceless.

 

[advaf]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I truly appreciate that.
Today we buried Lenny. It was devastating. Hurts so much to see them put him in the ground and cover him with dirt.
He was buried in a beautiful pet cemetery. Under a big tree. And he has another English bulldog as a "Neighbour". I'm taking it day by day. Today I finally ate something.
I just miss him so very much. I kept his favorite toy which has his small all over it. Every time I miss him I take a sniff.
Please pray for me that the pain will go away. I just feel like I will never get through this.
Again, thank you so so so much!