- Jun 23, 2010
- 3,256
- 168
- Bulldog(s) Names
- Abby 13 (RIP), Bella (6), Betsy( RIP), Frenchie: Oliver
My Miss Abby passed over the bridge this past Friday. I am lost with out her, her snuggles, her grunts, her soft kisses.......My heart aches so very much.
I haven't been on a lot lately because of so many things happening in my life. My dad was placed in Hospice care in early Jan, then my partner of 15 years had an affair and walked out of our lives and home, now I have lost Abby.
I had to let her go, she had fallen off the bed and then started having issues. The final days, she wouldn't even get up to eat in the morning. I barely got her up and moving at night. She slept the entire time, even if it meant sleeping in her urine. She had become so very incontinent in the end.
My heart hurt to see her in pain, but it hurts to know she is gone. I didn't want to be selfish in keeping her here, but I also felt selfish for putting her down. I still am second guessing myself.....was it because I got tired of changing and washing sheets every day? Was is the right thing to do? Was it because I couldn't lift her and help her? could I have done something else to make it easier with things?
Friday came and my son and a good friend came with me. I held her tight, they held me. It was so fast, but so very peaceful. I was worried so much on what they were doing, I forgot to say how much I loved her before her last breath.....Once I realized she was gone, I cried, I felt like I missed the opportunity to say good bye. I hope she knew I was there...it was so fast. I cried, my son cried.
I held her the entire way home and stroked her head and ears. Telling her how much I loved her and I missed her already. We allowed Bella to say her good byes. A friend told me once that if they can smell the body, they know what happened and understand why and where she is. So we place Abby's body on the poolside lounge chair. Bella got up and smelled her from head to tail, then a quick lick (kiss) and she got down.
My son then wrapped her in her favorite blanket and we buried her in her favorite sunning spot. From the day we brought her home to this house, daily she would sit in the same spot to sun. She is there now for all eternity.
Friday night I cried so hard, looking at every thing that reminded me of her. I screamed that I was sorry I had to let her go, I cried myself to sleep. It is so hard, my heart aches, just to see her one more time. Bella is at loss. In 6 short weeks, her life has changed. Her other mother leaves, then her Big fur-sister goes with her, now Abby. It is just me and her against the world. I feel horrible for Bella, she has no clue what has happened the past 6 weeks.
Sorry, to be going on and on, it is just that all of you would understand. My son said to me on Friday "it sucks that you have to go through so much right now" "it is horrible that you have been so hurt lately" funny how the tides change when your kids grow up.
Thanks for listening.
I haven't been on a lot lately because of so many things happening in my life. My dad was placed in Hospice care in early Jan, then my partner of 15 years had an affair and walked out of our lives and home, now I have lost Abby.
I had to let her go, she had fallen off the bed and then started having issues. The final days, she wouldn't even get up to eat in the morning. I barely got her up and moving at night. She slept the entire time, even if it meant sleeping in her urine. She had become so very incontinent in the end.
My heart hurt to see her in pain, but it hurts to know she is gone. I didn't want to be selfish in keeping her here, but I also felt selfish for putting her down. I still am second guessing myself.....was it because I got tired of changing and washing sheets every day? Was is the right thing to do? Was it because I couldn't lift her and help her? could I have done something else to make it easier with things?
Friday came and my son and a good friend came with me. I held her tight, they held me. It was so fast, but so very peaceful. I was worried so much on what they were doing, I forgot to say how much I loved her before her last breath.....Once I realized she was gone, I cried, I felt like I missed the opportunity to say good bye. I hope she knew I was there...it was so fast. I cried, my son cried.
I held her the entire way home and stroked her head and ears. Telling her how much I loved her and I missed her already. We allowed Bella to say her good byes. A friend told me once that if they can smell the body, they know what happened and understand why and where she is. So we place Abby's body on the poolside lounge chair. Bella got up and smelled her from head to tail, then a quick lick (kiss) and she got down.
My son then wrapped her in her favorite blanket and we buried her in her favorite sunning spot. From the day we brought her home to this house, daily she would sit in the same spot to sun. She is there now for all eternity.
Friday night I cried so hard, looking at every thing that reminded me of her. I screamed that I was sorry I had to let her go, I cried myself to sleep. It is so hard, my heart aches, just to see her one more time. Bella is at loss. In 6 short weeks, her life has changed. Her other mother leaves, then her Big fur-sister goes with her, now Abby. It is just me and her against the world. I feel horrible for Bella, she has no clue what has happened the past 6 weeks.
Sorry, to be going on and on, it is just that all of you would understand. My son said to me on Friday "it sucks that you have to go through so much right now" "it is horrible that you have been so hurt lately" funny how the tides change when your kids grow up.
Thanks for listening.