Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

[laurendoodler]

[MENTION=3123]agingermom[/MENTION] I do need to go in to my therapist again. Haven't gone for awhile. I'm tempted to go in and talk to her if she'll get me in just so I can get an opinion from a "professional" who is unbiased, so to speak. I usually have to wait weeks to get in though..that's the problem.

I was just talking to my grandma (my mom's mom) on Facebook a few minutes ago. Surprisingly, she supports this whole thing.

 

[agingermom]

If you tell her you have thoughts of suicide I am sure she would try to get you in. Also you should talk to who prescribes your meds, might be time for an adjustment.

 

[laurendoodler]

[MENTION=3123]agingermom[/MENTION] I know that I need a higher dose. We can't afford the medicine as it is now though.

 

[cali~jenn]

Well if you and your step mom dont get along that wouldnt be a good idea either, you need a safe place to live and grow. I wish I could help. Joining military wouldnt be the worst idea ever. How about reserves even? My niece is in process of joining the airforce reserves and they will pay for schooling etc. Plus it is reserves so you arent just gone when you sign up. May give you the security you need to move to the next step in your life. Just throwing random ideas out there that maybe you havent thought of. I never knew anything about the reserves until recently, it is a pretty good deal.

 

[Libra926]

[MENTION=1909]laurendoodler[/MENTION]
aaaahhhhh! Wow. Ok, I almost read all the posts on the first page. I try to respect everyone and read their advice, but honestly. I have to leave for work, and I'm running out of time. So, if I repeat anybody...so sorry.

1) Is your mom on meds? Sounds like she needs to be. I have no doubt in my mind that she loves you and wants better for you. I also think that if she were to find out about what her past boyfriend/husband did, she might deny it. So, leave it in the past, for now. You really need to get away from her and her negative energy. Your emotional well being is so fragile already.
2) Costco. Get your meds there if you have one that is close. You do NOT have to be a member to get your meds there. Can you PM me with the meds you are on and I can get you a cash price..even though you have insurance? Just to give you an idea. Like someone else said...there are others drugs out there that are generics and less expensive. You really need to be taking ALL your meds and taking them correctly.
3) Do what you want to do to make you happy. There is nothing worse than someone trying to take away your rights, freedom or choices.



That being said. Cesar Milan! He started off coming to this country as an illegal. He didn't speak English and he wasn't well schooled. What he did have was one on one contact with animals. He watched how they taught each other and their reactions as the pack leader. When he came to America, he found a job as a groomer's assistant. Now look at him.
I say, screw Petco or Petsmart. Get out of retail. If you want to learn more about grooming and animals...look for a job at a vet's office or animal hospital. You will be hands on...all day long and you will get the training you need. It matters who is behind the doors at these clinics. If an animal is being treated badly...they have fear. They need loving people who don't judge them when they are at the clinics. They need love. If you took up a job...you'd start out with scooping poop and giving baths. But you would have the contact and the ability to learn. At Petco..you'd groom, ring up a few purchases..stock a few shelves. I hate working retail.
I love my job, but if I could do just that...I would be happy.

Here is my story. I got accepted into the University of Washington...known around the country as UW. I got accepted into their pre-social science program. I did not go. I was involved in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Instead, I worked 2 jobs. Took care of his kid, while he sat at home (we rented out the basement of my moms home) drinking and smoking. I was only 19.

I got a backbone and we broke up. It was hard pulling that off, because he needed to leave MY home. But..after a baseball bat to the car, fist into the fridge and bedroom door, scissors to the furniture and pictures and a pillow over my face......I was finally free.

I started working as a pharmacy tech and I love my job. (not the retail end of it!!) I started out with a company called Payless (who eventually moved into Rite Aid) as a cashier...got on the job training and paid schooling thru them. Got hired with Costco and I've been with them for 11 years. I'm at the top of the pay scale and receiving bonuses twice yearly.

I did this all on my own. So can you. It's so hard to think about disappointing your loved ones. In the end, you are what matters. Until you can make yourself happy.....nothing else should matter.

Follow your passion. Love yourself. Love your job. Move to another state if you have to. Stand up and proud on your two feet. I have the feeling if you start living for yourself and doing for yourself, you just might find that those meds are NOT what makes you happy. You can make yourself happy.

You can also take night classes for photography.....what an awesome job to have. A mobile (or stationary) pet grooming and photography business. You are gifted. Take advantage of it. DONT FOLLOW IN YOUR MOTHERS FOOTSTEPS!!!

Much love Lauren.
Take care.
Gotta run..................
Cheryl

 

[laurendoodler]

[MENTION=390]cali~jenn[/MENTION] I get along fine with my step mom..it's her friend that's living there that I don't get along with. Also, I can't join any of the army type stuff--I have too many medical problems. I have looked into it.

[MENTION=572]Libra926[/MENTION] thank you very much for the advice, I do appreciate it. Yes, my mother is on medication..same anti-depressant I'm on, actually. It's called Prestiq. She gets twice the dose I get.

I don't think we have a Costco near here. We have Walgreens and Walmart. The most expensive medicine I'm on is Prestiq..the anti-depressant. $100 a month without insurance. With insurance, it goes down to like..$60. I'm supposed to be able to get it for $30 with this half off card thing but for some reason it got cancelled. =/ I don't know what happened. But $30 is a bit steep even. My other stuff we get at decent prices. I'm on Pindolol for my neurogenic syncope. If I don't take it, blood doesn't get to my brain and I pass out frequently and am constantly hitting my head and I'm not allowed to drive. I take Hydroxyzine for my allergies. Those are the two big ones..other stuff is occasional based off of what I have going on at the time.

The only store I've ever worked in was McDonald's, lol..hated it. If I worked at Petco, I think I would be solely in the salon. I have worked at 3 vet clinics..worked as a dog walker once I hit 8th grade until I was a sophmore in high school. Then moved back to where I am now and got a job with Village Veterinary Clinic and their other clinic, Abel Keppy Animal Hospital, and worked there for 3 years. Loved it but the pay was crap and not enough hours, lol. I did all kinds of stuff with the animals. I was the one who took care of all of the boarding pets..feeding, cleaning, walking, etc. I also took pictures of each pet that boarded there and gave it to the owners, they loved that. They got a lot more business because people love me because they think I'm a "sweetie" and "excellent with animals" so they brought them back so that I was the one watching them. I also occasionally helped the tech's with procedures.. I once got to help start an IV and give a cat those fluids that form a big hump in their back..haha that was cool. I had to help with euthanasias a lot..hated that. That's a big part of why I decided not to be a vet. But, I have tons of experience with animals is basically what I'm getting at.

Your story is scary and sounds a lot like my mom's ex. He would hit us..he destroyed the house, smacked us with bats, smothered my mom with pillows..tried to drown me in a public pool, etc. It was horrible. I really feel for you. My mom got depressed and felt like the only way she could get out was through suicide because he said if she ever left, he'd hunt her down and kill her. I called the cops to that house so many times while we were living there and it did NOTHING. Ugh. I actually found my mom's suicide note after the whole thing was said and done and it was just sad and awful.

I'm in a photography class now and the teacher hates my photos. He told me to stop taking photos of Delilah because I only think they're good because she's my dog and no one else thinks she's cute. wtf. I've basically learned to take what he says with a grain of salt.

I do want to do grooming and photography I think that would be amazing!

I've basically made my mind up of what I'm doing. Everyone is supportive. I just haven't told mom yet because I know she'll flip. Grandma thinks I should wait until we move to tell her. Idk if I can keep it in that long.

 

[cali baker]

Lauren, it's me again. I have been catching up on reading the posts here. There is so much support for you from all these people who really care about you. I just want to give you a huge !

I think you would be such an awesome pet groomer/photographer, and i'm also thinking of you being a trainer of some sort too. Seeing you with Delilah and her agility training makes me think about the latter. Your photog instructor sounds like he may have some issues of his own. What an idiot to make comments like that about your photos . Delilah's not my dog and yet i think your pics of her are AMAZING! I'm glad you are taking his comments for the that they are. Maybe he doesn't like his job?! or he's just jealous of your abilities? or both...

Also, if you are having thoughts of suicide or wanting to harm yourself, promise me you will call a hotline or reach out to someone you trust, okay? It worries me when I hear that from you.
Like i've said before, I think you are an awesome and talented person with a high level of "fabulosity"! You're also a sweet, compassionate soul which really comes thru in your posts.

Hang in there, my dear.

 

[izstigspunks]

At work so I have to make this quick as well.

But first, big . Lots of .

Ok, here goes. One of the people I look up to is Stig and Punkin's doggy daycare owner. Why? Because she's living the life she loves. She and her hubby look after the the business and they have 1 full time worker. They just bought a big property and built a barn just for the doggies. Their house is on the property, but use it to board the dogs as well, crate-free. The place is not extravagant but the dogs don't mind, so they don't mind too. They're very simple people and don't need expensive things.

Their prices are very reasonable. $21 a day per dog, $16 a day if the dogs go at least 3x a week consecutively. $25 for 2 dogs in the same household if they're regular customers (like me ), $30 per bath, $6 per nail clipping, $39 for the first night of boarding (includes 2 days of daycare), etc etc. As you can see, it's not much money. But she averages 15 dogs a day so you can do the math on her daily revenue. They're open 7 days a week all year.

She also extends her business to pet photography, certified first-aid classes, wrote a book on raw, rawfeeding coaching, grooming, leash-walking classes, public speaks regarding various subjects, in-home dog training and many more. So you'll have so much more opportunity once you get started and get the hang of things. It just doesn't end with grooming!

I always tell myself that we have to pay our dues in order to get somewhere. Some people are lucky and get things handed over, but where's the fun in that? So chin up girl, we're with you all the way.

On another note, my mom was always harder on me as well. I have 2 brothers and 1 sis, and I always get the brunt of things - more responsibilities since I was the oldest girl and was always strict regarding my school grades. My sis, of course, got it easy because big sis already went through it. It only took me until after I received my first degree in sciences when I finally told her that I didn't want to pursue anything relating to the subject anymore. She was utterly heartbroken. I think because she felt that I was felt like a failure and, therefore, she felt like she failed me as a mom. Took me a while to realize that. But I wasn't sad at all, more so taking a break from things. Sure I was working two retail jobs but about a year later I realized that I needed to grow up and found an 'adult' job (thanks to my degree) and eventually bought a house. And I was the very first one of my friends that did so. My relationship with my mom now is closer than ever. I realize now that she's always going to push me for something so I don't make such a fuss about it anymore. She's always going to worry about me but, hey, that's what moms do. It's something us daughters can't help.

I agree with avoiding negative people, especially when you're in such a fragile mental state. They are emotionally draining which is something everyone doesn't need. Always remember that you are your own person and you have your own dreams and plans about your future.

 

[laurendoodler]

[MENTION=1904]cali baker[/MENTION] thank you at first I let the photography teacher get to me..but now I just don't give a crap, LOL. I've seen his photos and while they're decent, they aren't as fabulous as he seems to think. He's very stuck in his ways of what he finds a good photograph. Art is just so subjective. So for his class I'll just take dumb pictures that he likes so I do well..but outside of that I'll do what I want and do well at it, LOL. I was hoping this class would make me a better photographer buuuut it's really not.

[MENTION=1209]savemejeebus[/MENTION] thank you for your post! Stig and Punkin's doggy day care owner sounds like a busy lady. I'd like to be able to do multiple things like that. It's more possible when you have your own business!

I'm having a hard time..have been for the last few days. School work is piling up and I'm struggling to do it all. All I want to do is sleep. I can't keep my eyes open. I don't know what my deal is.

 

[laurendoodler]

double post, oops.

 

[heff101]

I think this thread has gone on long enough.

I do not want to sound rude but everyone has given you some good solid advice.

It is now up to you to either take that advice and start change or simply sit here and dwell on the negatives.

For me I am done with this thread.

 

[laurendoodler]

[MENTION=1935]heff101[/MENTION] I'm aware that everyone has given good advice? And I wouldn't say I'm dwelling on the negatives..I've been going out and applying for jobs and taking the advice, actually. I see nothing wrong with still talking to people on this thread.

 

[JAKEISGREAT]

I think [MENTION=1935]heff101[/MENTION] wants to see some forward movement..he's not putting you down Lauren..he's pushing you "out of the nest". So why not start a blog..write about the positive steps you are taking to move forward. No more where you are..but what you are doing to move on. Leave this thread...it's full of wonderful people giving you loving advice. Now..take that advice and make some forward motion. The blogs are wonderful..for you especially to watch yourself move on. I'll be watching for a new..forward marching theme!

 

[laurendoodler]

[MENTION=2092]JAKEISGREAT[/MENTION] I was thinking about starting a blog. Well, I have one..called Sticky Wicket. But I haven't updated it in forever, lol. and it was basically just me posting pictures and such.

I went in to followup on my applications today to try and show initiative. Dressed nice. None of the hiring managers had even seen my application yet..that's the problem with filling out applications for employment online.

 

[heff101]

I think @heff101 wants to see some forward movement..he's not putting you down Lauren..he's pushing you "out of the nest". So why not start a blog..write about the positive steps you are taking to move forward. No more where you are..but what you are doing to move on. Leave this thread...it's full of wonderful people giving you loving advice. Now..take that advice and make some forward motion. The blogs are wonderful..for you especially to watch yourself move on. I'll be watching for a new..forward marching theme!

Exactly what I meant! LOL