Venting - dispute with neighbors

[bulldogs1501]

Hello all. I turn to you to vent because we all have at least one thing that unites us, and that is our Bullies!!!

We purchased a house in June, in the suburbs of NJ and it is on a corner lot. Like all normal people we want our privacy and since July have been working towards putting up a fence. We did a property survey with corner markers, applied for permit, etc. Our neighbor disagreed and we said she can get her own survey to compare.

It is now October and the situation has escalated to the point where police was called this past week. The neighbors survey company has been very slow and when they did respond they contacted my company to tell them the discrepancy. The two companies had come to an agreement on where the border lies so last week my company came back to adjust the markers slightly. It ended up that our back line was moved in parallel towards our house by 4 inches, no big deal. Apparently, the other company never communicated this to my neighbors and this is when it escalated. Our neighbor is an older bitter woman (in her 70s) and her daughter lives few houses down. The daughter came and started verbally harassing first my survey guys then my wife. She told us "get out of this neighborhood", "everyone hates you", "go back to where you came from" even got so low as to attack MOOSE!!!!! She was asking why we want the fence so bad (and not that it matters to her) we told her few days ago a pitbull ran into our yard when he escaped his house and she goes "you dog can't even f'in walk".

This week her company came and set markers which move the line even more so towards our house. Given the pressure from our neighbors they no longer want to hold their agreement even though they are wrong in their calculations according to my guys.


As I mentioned before, we are a young couple, I just turned 30. We recently got married and purchased our first home. Our home does stick out on the block as it is the biggest, and newest (2020 build). We are very humble, but are sensing resentment maybe because of jealousy? We have done everything right from the beginning. Both company surveys found that our neighbor is encoroaching on our property with a fence and pavers and we said from the beginning we don't care about this and aren't going to make them move it. At this point I just want to say screw it because we are talking about a dispute that's a foot by 10 feet long and just go off of their survey company property markers. It's not life changing and I just want to put up fence, big trees, and move on with our life. It's just unfortunate that people would act like this.

What would some of you do in this situation

 

[Manydogs]

Well, people like this are going to make your life miserable. When ever my husband and I bought a home, we have always bought where there were no neighbors, for this reason,as we have always had pets. Now that this has happened, it will never end.
People like this will always find another thing 'and another thing. I would even worry that they eventually might poison your Moose boy. If I were you, I would sell the house-if that's the type of people they are they will live to make your life miserable. Not worth it.Life's too short to live near people who are miserable and live just to make everyone miserable! A lot of people are leaving NY, the market should be pretty good. It's just a house after all-you can always find another one you like!! Advice from an old lady who doesn't want to be miserable,as life is toooooo shooooooooooooort!! I lost my hubby(not asking for sympathy)and you learn that a house is just a house.Hapiness is more important. [MENTION=17893]bulldogs1501[/MENTION]

 

[bulldogs1501]

Well, people like this are going to make your life miserable. When ever my husband and I bought a home, we have always bought where there were no neighbors, for this reason,as we have always had pets. Now that this has happened, it will never end.
People like this will always find another thing 'and another thing. I would even worry that they eventually might poison your Moose boy. If I were you, I would sell the house-if that's the type of people they are they will live to make your life miserable. Not worth it.Life's too short to live near people who are miserable and live just to make everyone miserable! A lot of people are leaving NY, the market should be pretty good. It's just a house after all-you can always find another one you like!! Advice from an old lady who doesn't want to be miserable,as life is toooooo shooooooooooooort!! I lost my hubby(not asking for sympathy)and you learn that a house is just a house.Hapiness is more important. [MENTION=17893]bulldogs1501[/MENTION]

We just bought the house, and really don't want to move just because one or two neighbors are like this. Living in the suburbs close to NYC I think you're always bound to have a bad neighbor. We were lucky enough to get the house before the housing market really heated up. I know friends looking for houses now that are offering $50-$60k over asking and still not getting the house. We chose the location because the house is about a mile from one of our parents and that will come in handy when we have children (hopefully soon). I think putting up the fence and trees will essentially block them from our lives and they may not move on, but we surely will. As you said, a house is just a house so that's why we don't want to spend the time, money, and energy to fight over 10 feet.

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[Cbrugs]

If you don’t want to fight over it and are fine with losing the extra footage, just put up the fence and plant some some falls trees and go about your day.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[bulldogs1501]

If you don’t want to fight over it and are fine with losing the extra footage, just put up the fence and plant some some falls trees and go about your day.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yea I mean we are "losing" 12 inches of depth by about 10 feet long b/c of where the fence is...but legally we are not giving up on the land...it's more to just put up a fence as fast as possible and move on with our day as you said.

 

[cefe13]

What an awful situation. You say your house is a new built; did these neighbours lose a beautiful view when your house was built so they resent the house as such rather than resenting you and your wife? Some people thrive on conflict, and people who behave like these neighbours would probably have said the same thing to any new neighbour. You can never please people who are nasty and usually there is no use trying. Having said that, one should never accept people being nasty, of course, but in this case it sounds like you need to find a way to put up that fence in a way so that she cannot complain. I'm not familiar with how property surveys work where you are but it seems strange to me that you need to hire a company to decide where the line should be drawn, so to speak. Are their no officially registered survey maps of your area? With such a new house one would imagine your garden/land should have been marked out before the house was build?

 

[1Chumly]

I have always heard possession is 9/10ths of the law. If you allow them to use that portion of your land for a certain period of time and you don't, it becomes theirs. That period of time may be years but you may well end up losing it. I believe that is common law. Having said that, quality of life comes into this and is it worth it to have all that animosity over a sliver of land. Only you can answer that, BUT I would never leave Moose outside unattended and deadbolt locks go on the gate! They sound deranged. Have you contacted a lawyer? I would.

 

[2BullyMama]

GOOD GRIEF!! Humans really do suck! i would do exactly as you stated ==== "At this point I just want to say screw it because we are talking about a dispute that's a foot by 10 feet long and just go off of their survey company property markers. It's not life changing and I just want to put up fence, big trees, and move on with our life. It's just unfortunate that people would act like this."

wishing you all the best of luck....

 

[helsonwheels]

When I did my fence I simply did it 5” on each side onto my lot. Like that no one can bit*h about it. If the bitter lady comes after you or anything again, I would call the police so they open a file on her. Like mentioned, don’t leave your dog on it’s own n do a quick scan on the land. I personally would put cameras. She’ll back off eventually.

 

[ddnene]

I also agree with [MENTION=13737]1Chumly[/MENTION] ... in TN if you are taking care of the said property overage (and can prove it) you assume ownership. Of course we aren't talking acres here... we have a similar situation where our idiot builder didn't get the property line correct BEFORE we had our fence put it. Hence we will see how this goes... luckily for us the property is next to a vacant lot, and we are assuming the property owners will agree to the overage.

IMHO build the fence, put up the trees, and keep a GOOD lock on the gate (and cameras if you feel threatened). Sounds like this woman just wants to start "drama" because of Moose or she's bored to tears or whatever... I would keep a record of EVERY single interaction w/her & her daughter. IF this does escalate then you have a record... which can be important if for some reason this ends up in court. I have noticed especially right now, people are snapping over the DUMBEST SH&T... and you just moved in. YOU have every right to have a safe area for your dog & your family!!!

 

[anatess]

I've been through this.

Check this out - so the neighbor across the street from us was this 70+ year old lady who has lived in that house for 50 years or something. Her husband is a volunteer firefighter, very nice man. The lady is the HOA Block Captain for our block. She was a meanie. We would cut our grass and 5 minutes later she'd come knocking telling us our grass is still too tall. She hated my dogs because they bark when somebody comes to our door even if it's just the mailman and they "wake up the neighbors". Everybody in our block except for our next-door neighbor and us are retired people and are home all day everyday. She would complain about every little thing to do with the dogs - "You need a better handle on those dogs! They can't pee on my mailbox!", "They're going to bust through your door and kill us!".

Anyway, both our houses are at the end of the cul-de-sac and beyond the cul-de-sac is another street. One weekend, she planted a hedge on her side yard effectively blocking the view to the street beyond. And I kid you not, this 90+ year old woman comes out of her garage from a few houses down running creakily towards the Block Captain and SCRATCHED HER FACE UP for blocking the street view!!! My husband and I were just shocked to statue, it took us a while to run across the street to break the old-ladies fight up.

So, I learned a lesson that day - everybody has their own "quirkiness" and we either accept people for who and what they are or be miserable for the rest of our lives. Everybody has their own cross they're carrying, although they're all different. That day, I baked two of the yummiest cake I can muster and gave it to both of them. Since then, I visited them so many times just to check on them. There were several old ladies on the block we started checking up on as well. We were one of only 2 families under 70, and we were in our 20's - the next-door neighbor who is in his 50's is a paraplegic living on his own so we checked on him often too. My tall husband would go to their houses and check on their lightbulbs to see if anything needs changing because those creaky old women and the paraplegic can't do it themselves and their children seem to not come over to visit them at all.

When the Block Captain came over to the house to tell me our tree branch is extending to the other neighbor's yard so we have to cut down the branches (which practically cuts the tree in half), we smiled at her and walked with her to the next-door neighbor and asked them if they have a problem with the tree branches going over their yard and they said, no, they loved the branches because it gives some shade on their yard and we shouldn't cut it, so I smiled at the Block Captain and told her when our neighbor gets tired of the branches, I'll cut the tree down then asked her if she liked the new salon she told us about a few months ago... smile, smile, smile. It's an awesome feeling to just see the Block Captain chewing on her molars grumbling for a few minutes then smiling back. It's like the highlight of my day.

Anyway, a home is a long-term purchase. An investment in neighborly kindness even when we are aggrieved goes a long way to make that experience pleasant and could possibly improve our neighbors' disposition (although, we can't bank on that happening). We've moved out of that house since then but we continued to visit our neighbors for a few years (this is also because our cat decided to do a "homeward bound" trip and took a trek back to our old house, so we would drop cat food off to the people that bought our old house), continued to check up on their lightbulbs and other light house maintenance, until they died or moved to assisted living. We were sad to lose them even as they remained meanies to the very end.

And that's my First House saga...

Here's my advice worth what you paid for - go to the neighbor's, smile, bring them a cake, and tell them you're putting the fence exactly where your property line survey says where it is. They will probably throw the cake in your face, doesn't matter. It's the effort and what's in your heart that counts.

 

[cefe13]

I've been through this.

Check this out - so the neighbor across the street from us was this 70+ year old lady who has lived in that house for 50 years or something. Her husband is a volunteer firefighter, very nice man. The lady is the HOA Block Captain for our block. She was a meanie. We would cut our grass and 5 minutes later she'd come knocking telling us our grass is still too tall. She hated my dogs because they bark when somebody comes to our door even if it's just the mailman and they "wake up the neighbors". Everybody in our block except for our next-door neighbor and us are retired people and are home all day everyday. She would complain about every little thing to do with the dogs - "You need a better handle on those dogs! They can't pee on my mailbox!", "They're going to bust through your door and kill us!".

Anyway, both our houses are at the end of the cul-de-sac and beyond the cul-de-sac is another street. One weekend, she planted a hedge on her side yard effectively blocking the view to the street beyond. And I kid you not, this 90+ year old woman comes out of her garage from a few houses down running creakily towards the Block Captain and SCRATCHED HER FACE UP for blocking the street view!!! My husband and I were just shocked to statue, it took us a while to run across the street to break the old-ladies fight up.

So, I learned a lesson that day - everybody has their own "quirkiness" and we either accept people for who and what they are or be miserable for the rest of our lives. Everybody has their own cross they're carrying, although they're all different. That day, I baked two of the yummiest cake I can muster and gave it to both of them. Since then, I visited them so many times just to check on them. There were several old ladies on the block we started checking up on as well. We were one of only 2 families under 70, and we were in our 20's - the next-door neighbor who is in his 50's is a paraplegic living on his own so we checked on him often too. My tall husband would go to their houses and check on their lightbulbs to see if anything needs changing because those creaky old women and the paraplegic can't do it themselves and their children seem to not come over to visit them at all.

When the Block Captain came over to the house to tell me our tree branch is extending to the other neighbor's yard so we have to cut down the branches (which practically cuts the tree in half), we smiled at her and walked with her to the next-door neighbor and asked them if they have a problem with the tree branches going over their yard and they said, no, they loved the branches because it gives some shade on their yard and we shouldn't cut it, so I smiled at the Block Captain and told her when our neighbor gets tired of the branches, I'll cut the tree down then asked her if she liked the new salon she told us about a few months ago... smile, smile, smile. It's an awesome feeling to just see the Block Captain chewing on her molars grumbling for a few minutes then smiling back. It's like the highlight of my day.

Anyway, a home is a long-term purchase. An investment in neighborly kindness even when we are aggrieved goes a long way to make that experience pleasant and could possibly improve our neighbors' disposition (although, we can't bank on that happening). We've moved out of that house since then but we continued to visit our neighbors for a few years (this is also because our cat decided to do a "homeward bound" trip and took a trek back to our old house, so we would drop cat food off to the people that bought our old house), continued to check up on their lightbulbs and other light house maintenance, until they died or moved to assisted living. We were sad to lose them even as they remained meanies to the very end.

And that's my First House saga...

Here's my advice worth what you paid for - go to the neighbor's, smile, bring them a cake, and tell them you're putting the fence exactly where your property line survey says where it is. They will probably throw the cake in your face, doesn't matter. It's the effort and what's in your heart that counts.

Good reply!!! This is the way to go with mean people - put your foot down by showing how to behave in a proper way. Don't let nasty people drag you down to their standards but keep up your nice behaviour.

 

[KrysA724]

I agree with [MENTION=2874]anatess[/MENTION] and [MENTION=9875]cefe13[/MENTION].

I recently had a dispute with my next-door neighbor, and like you, me and my husband are younger (26& 31) so we are constantly being pushed as if we don't have knowledge of the laws or regulations, etc. Our neighbors recently put up a fence and they have a big mean Belgian Malinois. Well they previously had him tied up with a chain in the backyard (yes, we are aware that it is illegal here and is considered animal cruelty) and they said their plan was to put up a fence and let him run loose in the backyard. Which was fine with us, not our business that is their dog, their yard.
So then, my husband and I have a fenced backyard, so we let our pups out to go potty in our backyard without leashes, and they do their business. Well our neighbors put up their fence, and their terribly mean dog is always trying to dig underneath their fence into our yard to get to Brisket and Oreo, as well as my kids when they play outside. Now, that dog is huge, and mean, so I put some stones there underneath my side of the fence to keep him from digging into our yard but has pulled in our stones and continued to dig to the point where half his body fits underneath. So, one day, when trying to replace the stones that dog lunged underneath the fence and BIT ME! IN MY YARD! so as you can imagine I was furious. And my husband was beyond that. We had already mentioned the issue to the neighbors and they had done nothing about it. But once he bit me, I was done. What if it was one of my kids playing by the fence? Or Brisket or Oreo? NOPE!
So, like any other angry momma bear I walked over to their house and showed them the bite and the cut. And told them (trying to stay as calm as possible) that they needed to find a way to keep their dog out of my yard. Naturally, they turned it on me saying it was not their fault that I did not have my fence blocked better. OMG how I almost lost it, so I told them "Look, I get it, it is your dog and your yard, and I have no say over that, but the next time YOUR dog reaches into MY yard, I will have a say, and you will not like how things end up."
Since then they boarded the bottom of their fence and the dog has not been able to get through. Now, I attempted to be nice and cordial and ask the proper way, but sometimes people push it, so to me it seems ridiculous that the woman is making such a big deal over the fact that it is YOUR yard. In my opinion, they’re just trying to be pains to get what they want, and I would not be okay with someone telling me how and where to put a fence in my yard after you were willing to do the right thing and compromise. But, like the others have said, if you are willing to give up a little room for the peace and quiet to avoid confrontation, go for it. I might do the same thing, but once you have a nice big fence up all the way around your house, she really can't mess with you. You'd have your own fortress! and if she tries, that's trespassing (if she wants to get nasty).

Upto you, but I've been labeled feisty by my husband and family, so maybe you shouldn't listen to me.

 

[oscarmayer]

that dog lunged underneath the fence and BIT ME! IN MY YARD!

For the benefit of ALL, this incident should have been reported to local Animal Control. That dog needs to be put down...before it very seriously injures someone or another animal. Most municipalities have a 2 strike rule. Your neighbors are idiots, unfortunately.

 

[oscarmayer]

What would some of you do in this situation

If determined to stay, obtain THE correct survey(there is only one correct survey) by whatever means necessary and build a fence as high as allowed by law and as close to the property line as allowed by law and be done with your nasty neighbors. It appears that they have made the decision that you are their sworn enemy and that will never change. If they continue to harass you call the police on their sorry asses. Get a restraining order against them if the local magistrate will issue it.

If you are not content in living under these circumstances, move. Chances are your home value has gone up with all of the surrounding homes and your losses will be limited to closing costs and moving expenses. Living next to a nasty, low-life neighbor can be hard on one's mental state. Like Lynn said, life is short, why put yourself through that? Again, nothing will change your neighbor's behavior toward your family.