disappointed this morning

[agingermom]

My oldest son was supposed to be coming in 2 weeks to be best man in his friend's wedding up here (he currently is living with dad while waiting to re-enlist in Army). He has known about the wedding date for well over a year so plenty of advance notice. He got out of the Air Force in April and has been trying to get in the Navy and Army special Forces since (more paperwork involved with prior service). I have been asking him when he was coming up for the wedding all summer and would get brief superficial answers. Well this morning he told me that he is not going to make it because he doesnt have the money for the airline ticket (bought a ticket from somewhere else instead and then never made the trip) or the wedding uniform of day ( I guess cowboy boots and other cowboy accessories but not even going there, lol). I was shocked, sad and angry all at once. Had he been open from the beginning, we could have worked something out with me helping with tickets but now 2 weeks in advance I cant since I have school clothes shopping and birthdays. Then again he is 24 with no responsibilities and briefly staying with dad. Of course, the jealousy that he is staying with dad fits in there since he is now not coming to visit. Lots of emotional baggage on my part with the dad thing. So I am hurt and mad mad mad. I am usually so proud of this son but damn it not today. and all this is via text because he wouldnt answer his phone the last few days, I am sure because he feels guilty. Some words have flung both ways and words are hard to take back. I am going to have to take time away from him I think because I have a hard time seeing this from his perspective only mine and his friend's.

 

[Manydogs]

Well,
I know I am new here and know one knows me either-but I hope I don't hurt your feelings. I have two sons. The best thing I can tell you is-when they are grown(enough to be "on their own") you can not let it hurt. We no longer can control their lives, but can still love them-but "Let GOD and Let Go". Pretty much at 24, it is still all about them, and you can't count on them considering Mom's feelings too much. Especially boys! You have also got to try to let go of your negative feelings re: your ex. (I have not had this experience) but I know it will stress you and the resentment and negativity will poison YOUR health and happiness, and the ones that upset you will just go on their merry way and not give it a thought! I haven't been divorced, but I had kids-and "so called" friends-so I DO know the poison that gets in your gut! Ya' gotta' be Scarlett O'Hara-say "I'll just think about that tomorrow" and FAGEDABOUDIT! Pray about not letting it hurt you so. Just sayin......

 

[JAKEISGREAT]

Sighhhhh....Well, I certainly understand ALL the layers involved here. You are so right to feel disappointed and let down. Sadly, on some level, he knows better. This is why he was ignoring his responsibilities. I have a feeling, his guilt and embarrassment will last longer than your disappointment ..you aren't responsible, Tracy. He is an adult..and aside from his throwing away your feelings.., he will have to live with this descion. Maybe..he EXPECTED you to fork over the cash. If so, this will be an even more valuable lesson.

Words are very hard to take back, but families absorb the hurt from words and eventually move on. Maybe, after your feelings aren't so raw, just write a short note, only apologizing for the words. Keep communication open and push forward. Kids...they know how to hurt us..but that comes with loving so much.

 

[Marine91]

I am so sorry. I second what others have said. Disappointment with family members is the worst but you can't let it drag you down so you have to pick yourself up and keep chugging forward. It hurts but whats done is done and you can't change it.

 

[ddnene]

I'm so sorry... I can see the hurt, and please know that most of us have been there w/our kids. My son is 18 years old, and he has put me thru several years of pure HELL, most of it stemming from irresponsibility, entitlement & selfishness... Personally I have made the decision that his actions speak for himself, I'm NOT responsible for it anymore. At some point you have to just let it go... ((HUGS))

 

[agingermom]

So I called my son and talked to him this afternoon. He apologized especially about texting this information. I guess there is more to the story between the 2 boys then known up to this point. And they women come with drama. [MENTION=8741]Manydogs[/MENTION] I hear what you are saying and I am listening as much as I can. The worst part of the whole thing is me not getting to see him and his not being upfront when asked by me. We have taught our children to talk to us about anything. As far as the ex, stuff went down that will never be forgiven and everytime he opens his mouth I see hypocrisy but we are slowly through the years able to co-exist. But you are right about not wanting to become bitter and cynical so I work really hard at it. And darlin, if I didn't want your "new advice" I wouldn't put it out there
[MENTION=2092]JAKEISGREAT[/MENTION] Thank you

 

[dolphin]

So I called my son and talked to him this afternoon. He apologized especially about texting this information. I guess there is more to the story between the 2 boys then known up to this point. And they women come with drama. @Manydogs I hear what you are saying and I am listening as much as I can. The worst part of the whole thing is me not getting to see him and his not being upfront when asked by me. We have taught our children to talk to us about anything. As far as the ex, stuff went down that will never be forgiven and everytime he opens his mouth I see hypocrisy but we are slowly through the years able to co-exist. But you are right about not wanting to become bitter and cynical so I work really hard at it. And darlin, if I didn't want your "new advice" I wouldn't put it out there
@JAKEISGREAT Thank you

I'm sorry Trace. Boys suck and likes been said it's all about themselves. Speakin from experience I was like that too.