As you all know My son is and addict......

[KMARINO]

My son is a bad Herion addict, and shoots up, two weeks ago a good friend of mine that I went to school with over 20 yrs, ago her son OD'd and died, she has his ashes, she emailed me and told me to please bring Brandon to her house so she can show him the ashes.

I do not have anything to do with my son due to stealing alot of money, my car and many things off me, I could go on forever what he did to me for his habit, I finally HAD to stop after loosing thousands, but I am thinking maybe this one time might be his bottom....

I am in counseling to get over the guilt and shame. He is currently living with my mother (poor mom) and has stolde off my dad. She wants my my mom to bring him over to see the ashes, NOW I am even more guilt ridden.....should I fly to OHIO to take him myself after all that has happened????? OR should I just let my enabler mom take him so maybe they both can wake up?? I am a mess tonight over this! Just looking for an opinion, AGAIN, not that I have to defend myself, he was raised right, an honor student, and lettered in every sport and had scholorships to any college he wanted and chose to stick a needle in his arm!

Oh hell......I do sound like I am defending myself, my heart is broke and I cry everyday. I just don't know if I should let my enabler mom go so she can WAKE up or if I should go as a last effort?

 

[sheila]

i would say let your enabler mom take him. stay strong [MENTION=900]KMARINO[/MENTION]! i love you!

 

[sheila]

or call a&e and let them take him!

 

[sheshistory]

I would talk to your therapist/counselor to see if they think your son seeing these ashes will have any therapeutic impact on him and his addiction. Did he know this person who passed away from an overdose? If not, it might not really matter to him as much as the mother of the deceased would like it to - therefore it would not be helpful and is not worth contemplating. Even if he did know this young man, I'm not sure that this will be something that is helpful - I would definitely get a professional opinion. It could be that your friend is trying to find meaning in her own son's death by "saving" yours - it's a wonderful thought but I'm not sure how much it's based in reality. As you well know, addictions are so powerful and the person facing the addiction has to hit their own rock bottom - they have to feel it, they can't be told they are there. It's just scary how far down rock bottom can be for some people, especially the ones we love. If it were me, I don't think I'd pursue this offer - but this is only my train of thought/opinion.

I am glad you are getting help with your own feelings. I really hope that your son finds a way out of the darkness. It is heartbreaking to see someone you'd do anything for go through this and to feel helpless.

 

[Gertie's Mom]

I am so sorry you're feeling like this! Come to Az. for a hug. I'd say if your Mom is an enabler it may do them both some good. Besides with this weather, she can probably do it easier than you can get to Ohio any time soon. I pray this will be the wake-up call for Brandon!

 

[Lucy-licious]

Kelly [MENTION=860]jillh10[/MENTION] is right he has to hit his own Rock Bottom, his mind works differently he will rationalise it all away.
As a gastro nurse i work with alcoholics and addicts on a daily basis and i know that nothing we, their families or friends say or do will change their mindset. As a mother i know that u want to try everything to feel like ur doing something to help him. Its hard Kelly i know, but ur doing the right thing, stay strong honey he has a good mind I'm sure his day will come and he'll make changes and ask for or seek help.

 

[KMARINO]

[MENTION=1539]sheila[/MENTION] I have emailed A & E twice over the last year and got no response from either email.
[MENTION=860]jillh10[/MENTION], he did not know this boy that od'd I have my session tonight at 6 and I am definately going to talk to her about it
Thank You everyone for your opinion, right now I don't think I could even get a flight into Ohio with the storm going on.

 

[cali~jenn]

I would say have your mom take him also but if he didnt know the boy who passed I also dont think it will phase him so much. Cant hurt to try but not for you to fly all the way over and do yourself, if anything have your mom do it and try not to feel guilty about it all. As I said before I have no experience personally in this but I do know that you have to be strong and cut him off like you have done. Please dont blame yourself for having to do what you have done, it is the best thing you can do to save him. Just try and know that and hopefully it will help you get thru. I am so glad you are seeing a counselor for this, I hope it helps you find some kind of peace, if there is any. You are a strong person, that is obvious to me. Stick to your guns and what your gut, not your heart tells you. Gosh I wish there was a way I could help.

 

[TessaAndSamson]

Jill you give such wonderful advice! Kelly I am so sorry you have to go thru this and have to live with all this. I definitely don't think you should go up there. It's a nice idea to have your mom take your son to go see your friend but I think it would be more likely that your mom has a wake up call over this than your son. Which hopefully happens. Stay strong Kelly, I hope the counseling helps you deal with this better!

 

[kazzy220]

If he never knew the boy then I would say it will have absolutely no impact whatsoever. Eventually your enabling mother will also get tired of helping him and he will once again be left to face the consequences of what he's doing - right now he's being shielded from having to face up to anything.

I'm glad you have your session tonight as that will help you make your decision ... if you do decide that he should go and see these ashes, then let your mother take him. You need to stick firm with your decision and not allow yourself to once again get pulled into this emotional roller-coaster ride.