Heart broken

[ChrisRN]

Please keep my daughter and her family in your prayers. She and her husband separated last night after a very stormy relationship. He is a recovering alcoholic and is possibly bi-polar, but refuses to go for medical treatment.We love him like our own son, but have been very frustrated over the years with his sometimes bizarre behavior. When he overdrew their account 2 days after payday for the 2nd time in 3 weeks, and couldn't tell her where the money went, she decided she's had enough. They have a 4-year-old son, who is the light of my life. My heart is breaking.

 

[2BullyMama]

:hug;.... so sorry, Chris! I pray for you all to have the strength to make it through this rough time.... we are here so vent all you need to

 

[LariP]

Sorry to hear of the trouble. But sometimes moving on is the only way to go. I hope the process isn't too painful for your daughter or grandson.

 

[cowsmom]

oh no im sorry to hear this. just went through this with someone close who was married to a bi/polar person. i just hope it doesnt get really bad n that things can work out for the child and all involved. will be praying very hard.

 

[cali baker]

Chris, I'm so sorry to hear this. Mental illness is hard enough to deal with but when someone refuses treatment, it can be devastating. We're here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on.

 

[Sherry]

I'm so sorry to read this, I wish the best for all and hope he can turn himself around.

 

[Mzbhayvn]

So sorry..sending up prayers

 

[Texas Carol]

Yes, dear Chris, like the others, I will pray for all concerned.

It's so very difficult in the thick of the storm to see the way.

My heart hurts for you & Hubby and for your daughter, SIL
& their son...so much hurt, confusion & frustration.

Sending you hugs, wish I was there to give it in person.

 

[Vikinggirl]

Hi, I'm so sorry your daughter and your family are having to go through this, it must be heartbreaking. We always hurt when our children hurt, no matter how old they are, and as a parent we never stop worrying about them. It's even harder I think when it's a daughter, not that we don't worry about our sons, but somehow we look at our daughters as our little girls, also there is a small child involved, so makes it even harder. I have a daughter and we have a 5 year old grandson, and he is also the love of our life, we look after him about 45 hours a week, and he is definetely our labor of love. I also have an adult son, who has learning disabilities, and 5 years ago got diagnosed with bi-polar, we are lucky that he takes his medication, and has been stable since his diagnosis. It is possible to live a normal,productive life with bi- polar, but it is difficult sometimes to deal with the ups and downs of moods, and when he is manic he doesn't need a lot of sleep, tends to talk a lot, and sometimes spends a lot of money, and then when he's down he gets depressed and sometimes can be argumentive. He is a really loving person, with a great big heart and love for his family, and so it is really hard to see him deal with this, and you sometimes feel sad, but we deal with it as a family. Would your son in law be willing to go to a doctor and be diagnosed?, and if he is bi-polar would he take medications? Maybe with treatment and medication and with counselling he can cope with it, and maybe your daughter and him can work things out. I know it's hard to watch as your kids go through rough times, hopefully things workout for your daughter, and with your love and support she'll make it through it no matter what happens. I hope for the best for your daughter and your grandson. We are here to listen to you, and to vent, take care and try not to worry too much. Take care Hun and we are here for you if you need to talk.

 

[Tooleysmom]

I was married 12 years to a recovering alcoholic bi polar partner. When he was manic our lives were in turmoil and when he was in deep depression his irritability made him cruel. I was determined to make it work, went to counselling with him for years. Even my minister quietly suggested I leave after trying so hard for so many years. I believed in my vow of "through sickness and health". I hid it from every one including family because I was so ashamed. I thought if I just tried hard enough I could make him better. He would stop taking his meds because he loved the high of his mania. I finally left and told my mom and my friends. They were shocked. I had hidden it from everyone so well for 12 years.


So my heart goes out to you and your daughter. Mental illness is a brutal curse that affects everyone. He has since remarried and is stable on meds and doing much better. He needed to mature and make peace with himself and the world. I wish him nothing but happiness. And I remarried the most wonderful man -comfortable in his own skin, loving and generous. I guess what I am trying to say in a probably convoluted way is that there is hope. Like my ex he may need to hit a hard bottom before he comes to the realization that he needs medical intervention and support. In the meantime your daughter and your grandson need to feel safe and have some respite from the mania. The scariest part for me was that sometimes it got so bizarre I lost touch with what was normal and accepted behaviour that was unacceptable. This is not what you want your grandson to experience. My heart goes out to all of you. But your daughter and your grandson need to move forward towards happiness and your son in law is an adult who must take responsibility for his illness. I am so glad you are there for your daughter and grandson. It was my mom's love and her support that gave me the strength to get through it. And my ex needed to live through the pain of losing someone who dearly loved him to wake up and take responsibility for his life.
Sending you big hugs.

 

[Vikinggirl]

Good advice From Sharon, sometimes no matter how much we love someone, we can't fix their problems, addictions, and moods, and we can't force them to get the help they need, or take the medications they need. We can only offer our love and support but it's up to the individual to get the help they need. It's hard to deal with and even harder to watch the people we love suffer. Mental illness has so many stigmas attached to it, and people don't always understand it, but some things I've learned is you can't blame yourself, you can't change it, and don't hate the person, hate the disease. You can only be there for them, and love and support them.

 

[Ftse 100]

Chris I am so sorry for your daughter and grand son to have to go through this, it is very hard to come to a decision like she has and what is best but I guess you get to a point where you cant live like it anymore< I am so glad she has you and your husband to lean on in this difficult time. I will keep you all in my thoughts and hope all works out for your daughter and grandson.

It is so hard when we see our children suffer, Hugs to you all.

 

[Vicaroo1000]

I was married 12 years to a recovering alcoholic bi polar partner. When he was manic our lives were in turmoil and when he was in deep depression his irritability made him cruel. I was determined to make it work, went to counselling with him for years. Even my minister quietly suggested I leave after trying so hard for so many years. I believed in my vow of "through sickness and health". I hid it from every one including family because I was so ashamed. I thought if I just tried hard enough I could make him better. He would stop taking his meds because he loved the high of his mania. I finally left and told my mom and my friends. They were shocked. I had hidden it from everyone so well for 12 years.


So my heart goes out to you and your daughter. Mental illness is a brutal curse that affects everyone. He has since remarried and is stable on meds and doing much better. He needed to mature and make peace with himself and the world. I wish him nothing but happiness. And I remarried the most wonderful man -comfortable in his own skin, loving and generous. I guess what I am trying to say in a probably convoluted way is that there is hope. Like my ex he may need to hit a hard bottom before he comes to the realization that he needs medical intervention and support. In the meantime your daughter and your grandson need to feel safe and have some respite from the mania. The scariest part for me was that sometimes it got so bizarre I lost touch with what was normal and accepted behaviour that was unacceptable. This is not what you want your grandson to experience. My heart goes out to all of you. But your daughter and your grandson need to move forward towards happiness and your son in law is an adult who must take responsibility for his illness. I am so glad you are there for your daughter and grandson. It was my mom's love and her support that gave me the strength to get through it. And my ex needed to live through the pain of losing someone who dearly loved him to wake up and take responsibility for his life.
Sending you big hugs.

Wonderful post.

There are many of us here, I'm certain, where addiction/alcoholism has affected our lives. The added curse of mental health issues only compounds the pain for everyone trying to live with and love the addict. My daughter's father struggles similarly. I always thank the universe for his wife because she continues to stick by him through it all --- even when the rest of us, even his own parents -- had given up after many, many years of bailing him out of this or that problem. Fortunately, he has these long periods of clean time/ sobriety between EPIC relapses. And they are EPIC. He doesn't just go out and use. He gets on a plane and goes to Vegas and indulges in ALL his addictions --- gambling included. Two years ago was the last one. Five grand later and he's back, ready to clean up again and contrite as all get out. I would have killed him. He was my best friend for many years and I finally had enough myself.

 

[FORDE'SMOM]

((( CHRIS ))) so sorry to her about what your family is going through, this kind of thing is so hard all the way around......been there done that... when it's our children our heart's ache for them...wishing you all the best !

 

[ChrisRN]

I was married 12 years to a recovering alcoholic bi polar partner. When he was manic our lives were in turmoil and when he was in deep depression his irritability made him cruel.

Sharon, this is exactly what she has experienced! Add to that the lack of a high school education and the inability to maintain a job that provides any steady income. He is sure that he's going to strike it rich and be able to support them, but he's so unrealistic. If he makes $1500 on a paycheck he thinks he's in good shape, but he doesn't take into consideration that he made nothing for the past 2 or more months. Last year he had a job that didn't pay payroll taxes. My daughter knew they would owe a lot of money to the IRS, so she started saving, only to find out that he wiped out that account. They're still paying the IRS off. The funny thing is, he thought he would get a "refund" when they filed their taxes. She couldn't explain in a way that he understood that you have to pay into the system to get something back. He is a charming, sweet man, but I know there have been many times when he was very cruel--especially when he is confronted with his lack of knowledge about anything. When this finally came to a head the other night, he left her (and my grandson) with the car he was supposed to fix with money we sent but didn't. The car broke down on her way taking their son to daycare, so we will be helping her get it drivable--again. He took her new car and would have taken the keys to both if my husband hadn't talked to him.

I think I knew in my gut that this day was coming, but the reality of the situation has hit me hard. Surprisingly, my daughter is calm, has a list of things that need to be done, and is checking things off the list. We are worried about him and know he needs help. We're also worried about what he might do, either to hurt her or himself.