Advice needed....MY behaviour!

[Vicaroo1000]

[MENTION=5605]Momma2Bullies[/MENTION] - How's it going? Successes? Failures? Your experience will help someone else!

 

[Rural mystic]

I agree with this attitude adjustment philosophy. It's as simple to prove as we all have experienced when we are excited [for whatever reason] our dogs get excited and amped up too. I'm not at the point where I think that dogs can read our minds but we do give cues as to our frame of mind through our body, expressions and speech patterns that we may not even be aware of but the dogs are and the pick up on these. So when one is calm and assertive [ being the boss] and in control the dogs pick up on it, likewise when we are sad, in pain or anxious they pick up on that as well

 

[Vicaroo1000]

I agree with this attitude adjustment philosophy. It's as simple to prove as we all have experienced when we are excited [for whatever reason] our dogs get excited and amped up too. I'm not at the point where I think that dogs can read our minds but we do give cues as to our frame of mind through our body, expressions and speech patterns that we may not even be aware of but the dogs are and the pick up on these. So when one is calm and assertive [ being the boss] and in control the dogs pick up on it, likewise when we are sad, in pain or anxious they pick up on that as well

Exactly! Think about how long canines have been living with humans. In all that evolution, they picked up on things --- lots of things -- and that's programed into our dog's DNA. Think about how functional the relationship can be between some homeless persons I've seen and his/her dog. The dog travels all day with the human, encountering any number of challenges, while the human pushes that shopping cart along....I mean really. Amazing. They travel, they forage, they sleep, the rest, they are a pack. Deaf dogs are another great example. They figure it out without ever hearing ANYTHING.

I talk to my dogs wayyyyy too much. But I talk to everything way too much. LOL Its an effort for me to just shut the hell up and let that energy / body language thing really WORK ITS MAGIC. I struggle with it. Terribly.

 

[Rural mystic]

Yes humans and dogs share a common evolutionary synergism so to speak that has existed for approx. 33,000 years. I heard or read where one researcher stated that the human species likely would not have survived or certainly not been enabled to traverse the globe without the help of dogs

 

[Momma2Bullies]

So ppl can see my update on first page!

 

[dolphin]

UPDATE June 12:Hi everyone! Just wanted to pass on the update so far. Since I came back, the fights have decreased (even though there were a few the very night I came back). I started to really pay attention to what is going on, and also acted like a "snotty cheerleader" (LOL!). I presented like their antics or growling to each other were so boring and beneath me.

I also saw that when Wilbur started being aggressive, and I would tell him no and discipline him, Layla seemed to interpret that as my needing her protection/help. I don't know whether this is good or bad, but I started just ignoring Wilbur when he was being cranky. I didn't tell him yes or no. When Layla saw this, she has basically stopped engaging him, so the whole incident just fizzles out. As the weeks have passed, we have hardly had any fights.

maybe being TOO involved in their every action was not the best course of action. Now that I am not "rewarding" the bad behaviour with attention (even though it was not positive attention from me, it was still attention), they seem to be getting along better.

I will keep you posted!!!!

What great news! Happy to hear they just fizzle out!

 

[Vicaroo1000]

Wonderful news!

Try coupling your new 'Tude with a few leadership rituals. One I use with Bo all the time is going out the door. He has to look at me and then wait for permission to go over the threshold. I smoke cigarettes on the patio/deck, so we go in and out a great deal. It's a great ritual for reinforcing leadership!

 

[Momma2Bullies]

Update June 27: Spoke too soon. Things are a mess. All-out fights AND it seems Wilbur has been marking in the living room since I don't know when.
Hubby and I are both suffering severe puncture wounds after breaking up the latest fight tonight (of course, triggered by me allowing Wilbur on my lap and Layla happened to come "too close").

I don't know what to do. I am consistently the common denominator, no matter what I try.
I also just posted about this in another thread about marking and territorial growling.

Feeling so dejected. Everything is peaceful when I am not around.
Worked so hard for housebreaking too... thought it was the one thing I had done right (alarm set for every 2 hours through the night, minimal house accidents when they were puppies. They are completely house-broken...WTF Wilbur!)

 

[Rural mystic]

So sorry to hear this. I don't remember the entire thread cause its been a while and was checking the update. But have you had an experienced trainer do an assessment and/or come to your home and observe? Our trainer, on her own suggestion, met us as home after work one day before either my wife or myself entered the home. This is the peak time for any dustup for us. She had some helpful advice which we are following. It may or may not matter to you what we are doing because each individual case needs to be seen by an experienced trainer, in cases like these I think. It really can be resolved I believe. So don't lose heart, it can be worked out most likely. It's enough to make one pull their hair out, I know too well

 

[JAKEISGREAT]

I am going to tag a couple members who have more experience in the behavioral part but just know.. His marking has nothing to do with his being housebroken or not! It is an offshoot of his and their behavior! I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. [MENTION=2614]Vicaroo1000[/MENTION].. [MENTION=1714]Sherry[/MENTION].. [MENTION=2071]Davidh[/MENTION].. [MENTION=2894]2BullyMama[/MENTION]

 

[Vicaroo1000]

Update June 27: Spoke too soon. Things are a mess. All-out fights AND it seems Wilbur has been marking in the living room since I don't know when.
Hubby and I are both suffering severe puncture wounds after breaking up the latest fight tonight (of course, triggered by me allowing Wilbur on my lap and Layla happened to come "too close").

I don't know what to do. I am consistently the common denominator, no matter what I try.
I also just posted about this in another thread about marking and territorial growling.

Feeling so dejected. Everything is peaceful when I am not around.
Worked so hard for housebreaking too... thought it was the one thing I had done right (alarm set for every 2 hours through the night, minimal house accidents when they were puppies. They are completely house-broken...WTF Wilbur!)

You must treat the dogs 100% equally at all times. Unless you can put them both up on your lap at the same time, NO ONE gets lap time (or anything else the other does not get at that moment.) Dogs have a sense of fairness. Be CALM, ASSERTIVE, CONSISTENT AND FAIR.

Don't set yourself up for failure. Set yourself up for situations where you can and DO run the show like the pack leader they want you to be --- that they NEED you to be.

 

[Momma2Bullies]

This is a good suggestion Vicki, I will try this. Thank you!

 

[Momma2Bullies]

We haven't had a trainer come in yet - the only reason is that just when I am about to pick up the phone to call her, things would get "better" and we have been trying a wait-and-see approach. However, if after this weekend (it is the long weekend here) things are not vastly improved, we are having her in to help. The trouble is they of course behave much differently when people are around, and I wonder if she would even see the behaviour, but regardless we need this situation fixed.

 

[2BullyMama]

We haven't had a trainer come in yet - the only reason is that just when I am about to pick up the phone to call her, things would get "better" and we have been trying a wait-and-see approach. However, if after this weekend (it is the long weekend here) things are not vastly improved, we are having her in to help. The trouble is they of course behave much differently when people are around, and I wonder if she would even see the behaviour, but regardless we need this situation fixed.

Bring the trainer in... A good trainer will see the behavior without anything happening---body language and your verbal explanation of what takes place


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[Davidh]

[MENTION=2614]Vicaroo1000[/MENTION] said it, they have to be treated equally. Is Wilbur neutered? Usually a neutered male will not mark. It takes time and a lot of work, plus be consistent. I hope it works out for you and hopefully the trainer can help.