anatess
Well-known member
- Jul 26, 2011
- 1,758
- 398
- Country
- US
- Bulldog(s) Names
- Bullie (RIP) & Angus (RIP)
I don't really have advice. But, I'm going to relate what I went through with my dad and the lessons I learned just in case you'll find it useful. I have to touch on religious things though so I hope you don't mind religion on EBN.
My dad was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer in Feb 2011 that has metastasized to his ribs. Stage IV lung cancer, for those who are familiar with cancer is a 6-month life expectancy. My dad took the news pretty well. My brother is his doctor and he was very open with the expectations and my dad requested that we don't do anything. He wants to just live his life naturally for how many days he has left. They called me and the rest of my siblings to break the news and my dad's decision and I was not having it. I'm the type of person that is not comfortable with just giving up without a fight! It just so happens that I work with a woman whose mother has been living with lung cancer for 10 years! She's in this clinical trial for Avastin which is keeping her alive. She gets her Avastin dosage monthly, she's in terrible state for 3 days and then she's okay for the next 3 weeks until the next dose. It's not a cure. It is a drug that simply prevents the cancer to spread. But it has given her 10 years (almost 13 now).
So, I told my brother and my sister (a nurse) to find every possible way to get him in this trial. My parents and my brother live in the Philippines, my sister live in Houston. She found a trial in Houston and was able to get my dad in it. So, we pooled money to fly my parents and my brother to Houston. 2 years later, it was not looking good. The drug was giving my dad terrible side effects. He was getting weak so much so that he can't walk anymore. He went on a depression and finally my sister asked my dad what would make him happy. My dad said he wants to go home. We were all devastated. We really thought he has a chance with this clinical trial. We just need to tweak it a bit and get him into physical therapy, etc. But he said he wants to go home.
So, my brother flew him home and we pooled our resources again to come up with $7,000 a month to pay for the drug outside of the trial and everything else he needs as my dad has no medical insurance in the Philippines. In May of this year, he passed away.
My dad was a great man who has touched plenty of lives. He was so loved that the funeral procession was a mile long just for the people on foot, not counting the ones in cars and the ones lining the streets to throw coins and flowers. People came from all over the world to pay their respects.
For the 2.5 years that I fought this battle, I came to understand what Christ has taught us about life. Why my dad? My dad has never smoked all his life, doesnt drink alcohol except very occasionally, doesn't go to clubs or casinos or places with lots of smoke, and he lives a healthy lifestyle with good nutrition and exercise. Yet, he has lung cancer. His brothers are smokers, drinkers, casino and club goers... they are fine. Why is my dad punished when he is a great man? My sister said God's ways are a mystery. But I found that this is not so. I learned that God put us on earth to act and be acted upon. God's greatest gift to man is free will. But how can we act and exercise our free will if there's nothing to act upon? This has become so clear to me. My dad's illness is not for my dad. My day's illness was for me and my siblings. To gauge our mettle. My brother's mettle as a doctor and my sister's mettle as a nurse was pushed to the max. It is different to care for the medical needs of strangers or even friends. It is entirely a different level for a dad. My mettle as an aggressive, proud person was severely tested. My mom handled everything with amazing, almost miraculous, grace.
I am not sure if my mettle was worthy in God's eyes. I fought hard against my dad's wishes in the first 2 years. I told him, "you are going to Houston because you might be ready to die but I am not!" But in those 2 years, I have learned true service. I would wake up at 5am every morning to make my dad's breakfast and he would tell me how awful the food is, etc.. I was angry. Grumbling to myself about how ungrateful he is and how ornery he is and how I'm doing all these sacrifices and he doesn't even just smile and tell me what a good daughter I am. I realized then... am I serving my dad because I want something in return? I want thank you, or praise, or something that makes ME feel better? No! I am serving because I love my dad! I should not need gratitude or anything because my satisfaction is in the opportunity to serve my dad. And this brings another teaching of Christ to my heart. True love is service and true love rejoices in the service itself and not the glory of it or any love it gets in return. So, when I ponder on Christ hanging on the cross getting stabbed on the sides and he still proclaimed, "Father, forgive them.", I understood it. I went through a very tiny sliver of it with my dad. And it has made me see my love for my husband and my own children in a different light.
So that, by the time my dad died, I was ready. I was ready because I honestly and truly surrendered on my knees praying and telling Him, "Thy will be done."
My dad was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer in Feb 2011 that has metastasized to his ribs. Stage IV lung cancer, for those who are familiar with cancer is a 6-month life expectancy. My dad took the news pretty well. My brother is his doctor and he was very open with the expectations and my dad requested that we don't do anything. He wants to just live his life naturally for how many days he has left. They called me and the rest of my siblings to break the news and my dad's decision and I was not having it. I'm the type of person that is not comfortable with just giving up without a fight! It just so happens that I work with a woman whose mother has been living with lung cancer for 10 years! She's in this clinical trial for Avastin which is keeping her alive. She gets her Avastin dosage monthly, she's in terrible state for 3 days and then she's okay for the next 3 weeks until the next dose. It's not a cure. It is a drug that simply prevents the cancer to spread. But it has given her 10 years (almost 13 now).
So, I told my brother and my sister (a nurse) to find every possible way to get him in this trial. My parents and my brother live in the Philippines, my sister live in Houston. She found a trial in Houston and was able to get my dad in it. So, we pooled money to fly my parents and my brother to Houston. 2 years later, it was not looking good. The drug was giving my dad terrible side effects. He was getting weak so much so that he can't walk anymore. He went on a depression and finally my sister asked my dad what would make him happy. My dad said he wants to go home. We were all devastated. We really thought he has a chance with this clinical trial. We just need to tweak it a bit and get him into physical therapy, etc. But he said he wants to go home.
So, my brother flew him home and we pooled our resources again to come up with $7,000 a month to pay for the drug outside of the trial and everything else he needs as my dad has no medical insurance in the Philippines. In May of this year, he passed away.
My dad was a great man who has touched plenty of lives. He was so loved that the funeral procession was a mile long just for the people on foot, not counting the ones in cars and the ones lining the streets to throw coins and flowers. People came from all over the world to pay their respects.
For the 2.5 years that I fought this battle, I came to understand what Christ has taught us about life. Why my dad? My dad has never smoked all his life, doesnt drink alcohol except very occasionally, doesn't go to clubs or casinos or places with lots of smoke, and he lives a healthy lifestyle with good nutrition and exercise. Yet, he has lung cancer. His brothers are smokers, drinkers, casino and club goers... they are fine. Why is my dad punished when he is a great man? My sister said God's ways are a mystery. But I found that this is not so. I learned that God put us on earth to act and be acted upon. God's greatest gift to man is free will. But how can we act and exercise our free will if there's nothing to act upon? This has become so clear to me. My dad's illness is not for my dad. My day's illness was for me and my siblings. To gauge our mettle. My brother's mettle as a doctor and my sister's mettle as a nurse was pushed to the max. It is different to care for the medical needs of strangers or even friends. It is entirely a different level for a dad. My mettle as an aggressive, proud person was severely tested. My mom handled everything with amazing, almost miraculous, grace.
I am not sure if my mettle was worthy in God's eyes. I fought hard against my dad's wishes in the first 2 years. I told him, "you are going to Houston because you might be ready to die but I am not!" But in those 2 years, I have learned true service. I would wake up at 5am every morning to make my dad's breakfast and he would tell me how awful the food is, etc.. I was angry. Grumbling to myself about how ungrateful he is and how ornery he is and how I'm doing all these sacrifices and he doesn't even just smile and tell me what a good daughter I am. I realized then... am I serving my dad because I want something in return? I want thank you, or praise, or something that makes ME feel better? No! I am serving because I love my dad! I should not need gratitude or anything because my satisfaction is in the opportunity to serve my dad. And this brings another teaching of Christ to my heart. True love is service and true love rejoices in the service itself and not the glory of it or any love it gets in return. So, when I ponder on Christ hanging on the cross getting stabbed on the sides and he still proclaimed, "Father, forgive them.", I understood it. I went through a very tiny sliver of it with my dad. And it has made me see my love for my husband and my own children in a different light.
So that, by the time my dad died, I was ready. I was ready because I honestly and truly surrendered on my knees praying and telling Him, "Thy will be done."