Cat Problems

[s5nelson]

This guy that I've been dating has been going through Hell for the past few weeks and I just don't know what to do to help him, so I'm posting here to see if any of you smart people have ideas of what to do.

He owns 2 female cats that have been raised together and get along very well. About 3 months ago, a friend of his asked to move in since she wanted to move back to the DC area and didn't have anywhere to stay (he owns his house and has extra bedrooms) so of course he agreed and she moved in, with her female cat. Apparently, her female cat is rather aggressive towards other animals and began bullying his cats. It didn't seem to be an issue for the first while, but then things got worse…much worse.

Thank God that he was home when her cat attacked one of his cats. It was absolutely horrible. His cat barely survived the attack and needed several thousand dollars worth of surgery, had to have her tail completely removed, and she's still is not doing well at all. The roommate's cat has been stalking his cat trying to finish the job, and they've had to keep her locked up to prevent her from doing so. She had another horrible night last night, and after another vet visit she's been re-admitted to the vets for observation / more meds etc, and I'm really starting to be concerned that she's not going to survive this whole ordeal. I'm just absolutely at a loss for how to help him. Any thoughts, ideas, prayers would be absolutely welcome. Thanks for reading!

 

[AubreysMom]

Poor baby! Um... I know she's a friend and all, but my cat would come before her cat. She and/or her cat would have to go, personally. I mean, did she not know her cat was aggressive? His cats should not have to live in fear in their own home.

I've watched that TV show My Cat From Hell and dude can do some amazing things with crazy cats, but I really wouldn't know where to start. I hope someone else here has some advice because my only thought is someone's got to go.

 

[s5nelson]

Poor baby! Um... I know she's a friend and all, but my cat would come before her cat. She and/or her cat would have to go, personally. I mean, did she not know her cat was aggressive? His cats should not have to live in fear in their own home.

I've watched that TV show My Cat From Hell and dude can do some amazing things with crazy cats, but I really wouldn't know where to start. I hope someone else here has some advice because my only thought is someone's got to go.

She knew that the cat was a bully, but apparently the cat has never attacked any other cats in the past. He doesn't feel comfortable kicking her out since they've been friends for years. He's told her that she needs to get the cat out of the house at a minimum, but so far she hasn't done so. I agree 100% that his cats should not have to live in fear in their own home.

My concern is more so that his cat is going to have major health problem and / or that she isn't going to make it (or her cat will escape and finish the job). Ugh, I'm just trying to be as supportive as I possibly can, but I just don't know what to tell him.

 

[Texas Carol]

I sure hope she's going to help with his cat's medical bills. If she was aware
her cat was that aggressive...shame on her. The cat would have to go. Period.
I'll keep his poor kitty in my prayers

 

[Texas Carol]

She knew that the cat was a bully, but apparently the cat has never attacked any other cats in the past. He doesn't feel comfortable kicking her out since they've been friends for years. He's told her that she needs to get the cat out of the house at a minimum, but so far she hasn't done so. I agree 100% that his cats should not have to live in fear in their own home.

My concern is more so that his cat is going to have major health problem and / or that she isn't going to make it (or her cat will escape and finish the job). Ugh, I'm just trying to be as supportive as I possibly can, but I just don't know what to tell him.

After all this and him telling her the cat has to go and she's not made other
arrangements?!! The door would open, girl & cat put on doorstep~goodbye,
good luck & GOD bless. She sounds like a user to me, not a friend.

 

[s5nelson]

After all this and him telling her the cat has to go and she's not made other
arrangements?!! The door would open, girl & cat put on doorstep~goodbye,
good luck & GOD bless. She sounds like a user to me, not a friend.

Yes, I know…that's what making me so frustrated. She hasn't paid for ANY of the medical bills, since she can't afford it, which is why she asked to move in with him originally (she does pay rent, however).

I'm trying so hard not to tell him what to do because he's gotten enough of that from his family and friends, but at the same time he's got to do something to resolve this. I really hope that his cat pulls through and comes out of this ok, but I'm really starting to worry.

Thank you for your prayers! They are definitely much appreciated!

 

[anatess]

Yes, I know…that's what making me so frustrated. She hasn't paid for ANY of the medical bills, since she can't afford it, which is why she asked to move in with him originally (she does pay rent, however).

I'm trying so hard not to tell him what to do because he's gotten enough of that from his family and friends, but at the same time he's got to do something to resolve this. I really hope that his cat pulls through and comes out of this ok, but I'm really starting to worry.

Thank you for your prayers! They are definitely much appreciated!

I completely understand about friends and the reluctance to just turn our backs on them. If I was in this situation with my friends, I would hate to have to see them out the door without first having to do everything else to prevent this from happening.

It is fairly easy to isolate the cats. I would think she has her own room. The cat stays there. Period. She can't leave the room unless she's in the owner's arms or all the other cats are isolated in their own rooms. That's really all you need to do. It is the responsibility of the friend to make sure that when she opens the door to the room that the cat doesn't get out. Otherwise, the door stays closed. With a sign - "Cat in Quarantine - do not let him out!".

 

[Manydogs]

Well, I guess it all depends on what he values most-her friendship, or his cats! Of course, everyone is different, but I would be so upset, if my cat had done what her cat did, and if I had to make payments, I would be paying the vet bill. He will have to make his own decision, but it seems to me that if SHE was a friend to him, she would offer to move. If he doesn't ASK her to move(if she doesn't want to give up HER cat) sooner or later, he will probably lose his other cat............

 

[AubreysMom]

Well, I guess it all depends on what he values most-her friendship, or his cats! Of course, everyone is different, but I would be so upset, if my cat had done what her cat did, and if I had to make payments, I would be paying the vet bill. He will have to make his own decision, but it seems to me that if SHE was a friend to him, she would offer to move. If he doesn't ASK her to move(if she doesn't want to give up HER cat) sooner or later, he will probably lose his other cat............

Agreed. You can isolate the cats, but there's always the possibility of something happening, it escaping, and going after the other cat again or even hurting the 2nd cat. If she's not removing the cat like he asked and not even offering to make small payments toward the vet bills (seriously?), she is not a good friend (no matter how long they've known each other) and she needs to go. Like you said, it is ultimately his decision, but if she's living with him, she needs to be a good friend and take his feelings into account.

I just don't think I could be so cool if it was my pet and I was in the same situation.

 

[anatess]

We're all just assuming that she is all so cool about this. There is no info provided towards this. When someone has no money, someone has no money. If she could have afforded the vet bills, she could afford to move out. It is normally demeaning to have to move in with a friend. It's not something one usually takes lightly. And it is the measure of one's friendship when one trusts somebody enough to ask them if they'll let her smooch off of him for a while and not feel like trash for asking. The mortification of her cat adding to the situation has probably horified her enough but she is trapped in her situation and has nowhere else to go. For all we know, she could be sitting in her room night after night with a knife to her wrists wondering if this is the day she can clock out but night after night she looks at her cat and puts the knife away.

I have great admiration for a guy who is willing to go to bat for a friend. This is a guy I could marry. My husband is like this.

Isolate the cats. It really is not that hard.

 

[NigelsMom]

Crate that Cat! after a good scolding!

I'm not a cat person but I feel bad for his cats being tormented in their own home.

 

[s5nelson]

I completely understand about friends and the reluctance to just turn our backs on them. If I was in this situation with my friends, I would hate to have to see them out the door without first having to do everything else to prevent this from happening.

It is fairly easy to isolate the cats. I would think she has her own room. The cat stays there. Period. She can't leave the room unless she's in the owner's arms or all the other cats are isolated in their own rooms. That's really all you need to do. It is the responsibility of the friend to make sure that when she opens the door to the room that the cat doesn't get out. Otherwise, the door stays closed. With a sign - "Cat in Quarantine - do not let him out!".

I completely agree with you on quarantining the cat. That's the current situation right now, but my concern is that there is the possibility that the cat could still escape and do damage. He works long hours during the week and is in Law School at night. It's just a scary prospect to come home and find his cat badly injured since he's gone so much.

Well, I guess it all depends on what he values most-her friendship, or his cats! Of course, everyone is different, but I would be so upset, if my cat had done what her cat did, and if I had to make payments, I would be paying the vet bill. He will have to make his own decision, but it seems to me that if SHE was a friend to him, she would offer to move. If he doesn't ASK her to move(if she doesn't want to give up HER cat) sooner or later, he will probably lose his other cat............

Haha! Definitely agree with you on that, but I don't think that she has anywhere else to go. She's in Grad School right now and can't afford to move anywhere else. I made the suggestion of her cat staying with her mom until she gets on her feet, but I don't know that her mother is willing to do that. Her mother told her to put the cat down, but I'm not sure that's a good solution either.

Agreed. You can isolate the cats, but there's always the possibility of something happening, it escaping, and going after the other cat again or even hurting the 2nd cat. If she's not removing the cat like he asked and not even offering to make small payments toward the vet bills (seriously?), she is not a good friend (no matter how long they've known each other) and she needs to go. Like you said, it is ultimately his decision, but if she's living with him, she needs to be a good friend and take his feelings into account.

I just don't think I could be so cool if it was my pet and I was in the same situation.

I would be an absolute mess if it were my pets. I don't know that I could handle the situation as well as he has to be honest. I'm afraid he's going to get to a point that he will just explode from all of the stress and do something drastic, so that's why I posted this in hopes to give him a couple of ideas of what to do. I don't know if she's offered to make payments and honestly, I was trying not to pry too much because he was just such a mess.

Due to all of this insanity, he's missed 2 classes from Law School and was informed last week that the professor is going to give him an automatic failure for the semester. He's talking to the Dean this week in hopes that he'll offer some leniency, but it has been extremely stressful to say the least.

We're all just assuming that she is all so cool about this. There is no info provided towards this. When someone has no money, someone has no money. If she could have afforded the vet bills, she could afford to move out. It is normally demeaning to have to move in with a friend. It's not something one usually takes lightly. And it is the measure of one's friendship when one trusts somebody enough to ask them if they'll let her smooch off of him for a while and not feel like trash for asking. The mortification of her cat adding to the situation has probably horified her enough but she is trapped in her situation and has nowhere else to go. For all we know, she could be sitting in her room night after night with a knife to her wrists wondering if this is the day she can clock out but night after night she looks at her cat and puts the knife away.

I have great admiration for a guy who is willing to go to bat for a friend. This is a guy I could marry. My husband is like this.

Isolate the cats. It really is not that hard.

You're absolutely correct on this one. She has no money and nowhere to go. I'm sure that she's utterly horrified by her cat's behavior, but she feels trapped. I definitely admire him and I agree, he's the type of guy that I'd marry.

 

[Manydogs]

I agree that this guy would be a keeper! But I am sure he is stressed out, and if the girl is a "friend" to him, perhaps she should see things from his perspective. SHE is the guest,Okay, she is broke-it is not his fault, cats are a lot more difficult to keep contained. They can slip out the door, practically through a keyhole! If she can not move, then and can not give up her cat, He can fore go a months rent-there are great big cat-house cages(such as sometimes at a pet store.) She can buy one of those and put her cat in it before she even opens her room door so that there is NO chance of the cat getting out again. She may be his friend, but she needs to solve this problem, as he was (probably) living in relative peace, with much less stress before this happened. Don't know the girl-or the guy-but she needs to solve it-or go. It is not fair,since now she KNOWS what will happen, to leave this kind gentleman to worry when he has so much on his plate...........

 

[ddnene]

Sorry I'm late on this…
I agree w/most of the advice above… Sounds to me that this person is using your BF. First of all his cats are his kids, and they come first in that house. HER cat is a guest, and if he can't behave he needs to be locked up… PERIOD!!! I would be absolutely MORTIFIED if my pet did this, and she should at least offer to make payments or something!!! I'm sorry, but she is responsible for HER cat…

 

[s5nelson]

I agree that this guy would be a keeper! But I am sure he is stressed out, and if the girl is a "friend" to him, perhaps she should see things from his perspective. SHE is the guest,Okay, she is broke-it is not his fault, cats are a lot more difficult to keep contained. They can slip out the door, practically through a keyhole! If she can not move, then and can not give up her cat, He can fore go a months rent-there are great big cat-house cages(such as sometimes at a pet store.) She can buy one of those and put her cat in it before she even opens her room door so that there is NO chance of the cat getting out again. She may be his friend, but she needs to solve this problem, as he was (probably) living in relative peace, with much less stress before this happened. Don't know the girl-or the guy-but she needs to solve it-or go. It is not fair,since now she KNOWS what will happen, to leave this kind gentleman to worry when he has so much on his plate...........

Getting a big cat cage might not be a bad idea. I was thinking about calling a local rescue that I work with and seeing if they could take her, but then again, why would they take a cat who's known to have tried to have killed another cat?! Apparently the cat is very sweet to people, but just not to other pets. I definitely agree that she's going to have to do something, I just have a bad feeling that he's going to have to put his foot down about the entire situation.