I think you did what you felt was the best thing for you and family. I agree 100% with what you diid!!
I would have stayed home. If Ruthie is not welcome...we aren't either. If you want next year come to my house..bullies welcome and they can sleep in the bed with you.
Too bad for them. You can always clean up after the dogs leave but you can't erase the hurt as the years go by by putting pressure on someone to visit and then putting stipulations on the visit before they come. For some of us it would be like saying "please come visit us for a few days but leave your children with a baby sitter"
How rude of them. Glad you made the decision you did. It also makes me glad that all my family that I would visit is all within a 30 minute drive and they are well aware I may or may not bring Harlea with me when I visit and if they don't like it then I am not coming either.
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Do what is best for you and your family. Take care of the pups first. Is she in the wrong? Maybe not. But neither are you by not going.