my Sweetie Head...

[cali~jenn]

I cannot say anything to make you feel better, I wish I could. You absolutely were the best mama she could have had, please don't second guess yourself. Had you given that prescription food she may not have lasted as long. You went with your gut and your instincts were right on, which is what did give her the life she had. Not long enough by any means but longer than she was given on her own. Hugs to you!! Your love for her IS known and felt. If we can feel it thru a cold computer, just imagine how much she felt.

 

[JeannieCO]

Bev, I watched that last night but couldn't bring myself to respond. I wish there was something we all could do to help you grieve. My heart hurts for you knowing how hard your heart is hurting. The video was beautiful!!

 

[ChanelnBrutus]

There is nothing I can say to take or ease the pain! I just want you to know that YOU DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE FOR THAT SWEET SWEET BABY GIRL! She knew there was nobody else who could have loved her more than you! You gave her the best year of her life! We all love you!!!

 

[kazzy220]

I heard in our "staff" room that you'd finally posted on here, and it's taken me this long to have the courage to come and look. I'm sorry Bev and I wish I could say words that would heal your pain but I don't have any because my pain is still here too, and on May 31st it will be one year. It doesn't go away.

However, I can argue some points with you. Don't you dare ever EVER say again that you didn't do enough for that sweet girl. She was your calling. By learning and living with her you found out more about nutrition and the needs for her than any known vet in this universe. She wouldn't have seen more than a few months if it were not for you. And you KNOW that!!! The miracle of her and your journey into nutrition is so deeply intertwined that you do Abby a great injustice to doubt yourself in this way. So you need to stop that right now!! Prescription food?? WTF??

Did you let her go to the Rainbow Bridge at the right time ... well you know you did. You know that the pain and suffering had reached that point. You know that you had to make the ultimate sacrifice and let her go, and not keep her on this earth for yourself.

Does she know what you did .. of course she did. She loved you and she adored you. This was a meeting of two souls that needed each other. You taught each other the meaning of love.

Everything I"m saying you know to be true ... will it help? I don't know. I too am trapped in my own little private hell, but whereas yours is remorse, mine is pure anger right now. I'm angry that Maggie had to go so soon. I'm angry that she was taken away from us. Part of me continuously churns with pure unrelenting fury that she was taken away from me and that it wasn't right. I'm sadly not a better person for knowing Maggie, because I fear that when she left she took some of my "niceness" away with her and it's left anger in it's place, and I too am left with this big deep hole that will never be fully filled.

I'm sorry you hurt so much. I'm sorry you lost your sweetie-head. But the thing that keeps me going is that I know that one day I'll be reunited, and that she will wait for me. Is it weird that I can now honestly say that death doesn't ever worry me? That I will see her again? Maybe that is weird, but it's true.

Love you Bev!!!

 

[TubbysMom]

I don't know what happened to your sweet Abby but from that tribute you can see how loved she was!! She's a beautiful girl and quite a stylish one at that. I know anything I say will not ease the hurt. Please know as a stranger seeing that video and reading your words it is clear as day that you LOVED that little girl and she was brought to you because you had the love to give her! It is people like you that make me see that us bully owners are as special as the bully's themselves. I am so sorry for your loss please know Tubby & I send you lots of love

 

[My kids have 4 paws]

I too am sorry for your loss as tears are flowing rapidly. I can not imagine what you are going through.

 

[KristizHarleyGirl]

I'm bawling - I'm having such a hard time dealing with the passing of my own baby girl (4wks tomorrow) that your posting jolted me in the present. The video is precious and she's beautiful. My heart goes out to you as I get ready to pick up Harley's ashes today. My stomach is in a knot & my heart is heavy but I'm grateful to know she's in good company with your Abby. Bulldog size hugs to you...

 

[Jackieshoes]

Played to first 24 seconds and had to turn it off. I can't even begin to imagine your feelings but I do know that I hurt for you too. Ill continue praying and grieving for you.

 

[KristizHarleyGirl]

Hi Bev,

Reading this brought me back to the first time I was on the forum. I was paralyzed to click on the memorial postings knowing I would one day be one of them, so I avoided it. I too was given more time w/ my baby girl, but it wasn't enough, it couldn't ever be enough. Nothing can replace the purpose she added to my life.

I've always tried to make sense of lessons on letting go since we are all destined to confront them. The only logic I can derive came from a speaker discussing life and death in the context of a greater purpose. He was addressing a couple that lost a child shortly after birth, they were riddled with guilt, depression and anger - they just wanted to understand why, what was the purpose of bringing a child into the world only to take him away so shortly after.

The speaker responded by posing another question to them. He asked, "did you love this child even though the period was brief?". Of course they said yes. He said "then why aren't you honoring him by figuring out what it was that he was here to teach you? I know he wasn't here to bring you guilt or paralyze you with sadness... maybe the lesson is in the short beautiful light shined upon both of you. Perhaps his lesson to you is just of pure love, and appreciating it no matter how brief". I took that as love always being a gift that is never lost - you just can't control what form it presents itself or how long you have it.

I'm not a scientist, but even they agree that energy doesn't just disappear. My bully girl and I had a bond that was so pure, so undeniable, that I refuse to believe there isn't more to our life together despite the form it takes - dog, human or otherwise. I don't have all the answers, and honestly the pain of missing her really really sucks, but I do believe she is still there.

My own sadness is the residual of having such an awesome little presence in my life. I think about her all the time. Unfortunately, angels just aren't meant to stay on the earth very long. Sometimes I wonder if it may ultimately be part of the so-called "silver lining" because I'm now a little less fearful of death knowing she's on the other side. It's comforting knowing there is something to look forward to at the end.

Anyway, thank you for sharing, I know it's painful, but I also know there's no healing without going through the pain. So I'm off to pick up Harley's remains, unknowingly you've helped me work through some of my own grief which has given me a little strength. Now I just need to figure out which sun spot to put her outside and with what flowers.

Perhaps yer Abby's hanging with my Harley girl right now. I like that. Enjoy your pain free frolic at the Rainbow Bridge bully girls! Until we meet again! E-:< <--- (closest I can get to a bulldog emoticon w/ an underbite).

Just a side note: My Dad passed away too young, at the age of 46, but my Mom told me that he used to always tell her not to say goodbye, just say goodnight or until we meet again... my Father was a very wise man.


Love and light,
Kristi

 

[Twice]

I'm bawling - I'm having such a hard time dealing with the passing of my own baby girl (4wks tomorrow) that your posting jolted me in the present. The video is precious and she's beautiful. My heart goes out to you as I get ready to pick up Harley's ashes today. My stomach is in a knot & my heart is heavy but I'm grateful to know she's in good company with your Abby. Bulldog size hugs to you...

I am so sorry for your loss Too many us here know the pain that you are feeling, I'm sure for all of us it seems like only yesterday we said goodbye. My thoughts are with you today as you hold your Harley in your arms again today. It's not the same, but it helps.

... my Father was a very wise man.


Love and light,
Kristi

Yes, he was

 

[Valentine215]

What a wonderful tribute to a beautiful girl! I am so deeply sorry for your loss, Bev. I really understand. You were given a gift named Abby and Abby was given you as her gift. Abby knew you loved her, she knew what you did for her.

One day you will meet again and there will be no more suffering or pain...just a beautiful day that will go on forever.

You and your sweet girl are in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[NigelsMom]

That was a beautiful memorial - my heart aches for you. I'm so sorry for your loss...she was a precious baby who deserved so much more. She will forever be with you in your heart and we will never forget her precious soul.
Rest In Peace Abby!

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That was a beautiful memorial - my heart aches for you. I'm so sorry for your loss...she was a precious baby who deserved so much more. She will forever be with you in your heart and we will never forget her precious soul.
Rest In Peace Abby!

 

[Bruno and Gidget]

Bev, out of my respect to you and Abby, I wanted to say how you have touched our lives. I have watched your tribute to Abby, read every single post here and have broken down in tears feeling your sorrow. There is nothing more I can possibly add that others haven't said. Just know that you are a CHAMPION and Abby's life was so much better for having you as her Mummy.

Love you Bev. Keep strong. We all love you.

Gloria, Gidget and Bruno
xxxxx

 

[Rural mystic]

I must state I was moved emotionally by your post and your video. I know you did all you could and no doubt she knew and felt your love. You gave her the best life she could have ever hoped for and all was not in vain. Keep on keeping on. You can go on but there will always be a scar on your heart and a very tender spot for your baby and all bulldogs and dogs in general

 

[gobronco]

Only 13 months but you made it a happy loved 13 months.

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Only 13 months but you made it a happy loved 13 months.