Hi Bev,
Reading this brought me back to the first time I was on the forum. I was paralyzed to click on the memorial postings knowing I would one day be one of them, so I avoided it. I too was given more time w/ my baby girl, but it wasn't enough, it couldn't ever be enough. Nothing can replace the purpose she added to my life.
I've always tried to make sense of lessons on letting go since we are all destined to confront them. The only logic I can derive came from a speaker discussing life and death in the context of a greater purpose. He was addressing a couple that lost a child shortly after birth, they were riddled with guilt, depression and anger - they just wanted to understand why, what was the purpose of bringing a child into the world only to take him away so shortly after.
The speaker responded by posing another question to them. He asked, "did you love this child even though the period was brief?". Of course they said yes. He said "then why aren't you honoring him by figuring out what it was that he was here to teach you? I know he wasn't here to bring you guilt or paralyze you with sadness... maybe the lesson is in the short beautiful light shined upon both of you. Perhaps his lesson to you is just of pure love, and appreciating it no matter how brief". I took that as love always being a gift that is never lost - you just can't control what form it presents itself or how long you have it.
I'm not a scientist, but even they agree that energy doesn't just disappear. My bully girl and I had a bond that was so pure, so undeniable, that I refuse to believe there isn't more to our life together despite the form it takes - dog, human or otherwise. I don't have all the answers, and honestly the pain of missing her really really sucks, but I do believe she is still there.
My own sadness is the residual of having such an awesome little presence in my life. I think about her all the time. Unfortunately, angels just aren't meant to stay on the earth very long. Sometimes I wonder if it may ultimately be part of the so-called "silver lining" because I'm now a little less fearful of death knowing she's on the other side. It's comforting knowing there is something to look forward to at the end.
Anyway, thank you for sharing, I know it's painful, but I also know there's no healing without going through the pain. So I'm off to pick up Harley's remains, unknowingly you've helped me work through some of my own grief which has given me a little strength. Now I just need to figure out which sun spot to put her outside and with what flowers.
Perhaps yer Abby's hanging with my Harley girl right now. I like that. Enjoy your pain free frolic at the Rainbow Bridge bully girls! Until we meet again! E-:< <--- (closest I can get to a bulldog emoticon w/ an underbite).
Just a side note: My Dad passed away too young, at the age of 46, but my Mom told me that he used to always tell her not to say goodbye, just say goodnight or until we meet again... my Father was a very wise man.
Love and light,
Kristi
- I'm having such a hard time dealing with the passing of my own baby girl (4wks tomorrow) that your posting jolted me in the present. The video is precious and she's beautiful. My heart goes out to you as I get ready to pick up Harley's ashes today. My stomach is in a knot & my heart is heavy but I'm grateful to know she's in good company with your Abby. Bulldog size hugs to you...
Too many us here know the pain that you are feeling, I'm sure for all of us it seems like only yesterday we said goodbye. My thoughts are with you today as you hold your Harley in your arms again today. It's not the same, but it helps.
