I think it’s time for my sweet best friend to go and play and not be in pain…but my heart is shattered

[Larabm]

This forum has brought me so much joy and consolation and advice over the years, that I feel it’s only right I share my grief here. With people who love our wrinkle muffins and have too seen and felt the grief.

My Lara that I have posted about before ended up being diagnosed with ARVC. This was only one month ago. She lasted two weeks on her meds before they prescribed stronger ones because she went into ventricular tachycardia. Since the diagnosis she’s gone into it several times and desperately we’ve taken her to the vet for lidocaine shots to bring her heart rate down. She’s such a strong girl, she still stood through the 350bpm heart rate. All the vets she’s seen even the cardiologist said they’re surprised she’s taking it so well. But the medications have made her sleepy and given her a poorly tummy and my chunky girl lost weight. She has horrible diarrhoea and she’s now so picky with her food, I’ve been hand feeding her boiled minced meat and boiled egg. This Thursday she went into v-tach and lasted 12 horrible hours on it. We took her to get lidocaine again and they gave her a double dose and it didn’t bring her heart to normal. I couldn’t watch her surrounded by the vets and when he was administering it, she was pulling her paw away and grunting. So I knew and I just took her home. She’s now had two days without it. We’ve taken her on a walk, sleep with her downstairs, showered her with love but she doesn’t play much and she’s tired. She’s my boyfriend and I’s first dog and absolute best friend. I’ve said to myself that when she goes into it next I’ll call the vet to do a home visit and she can sleep.

I’m inconsolable, I feel guilty, she’s only 6! She should have been with me longer. What will I do with myself, who will I pet. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake but every moment she comes out of it gives me hope and then when she goes back into it I’m devastated. I don’t sleep, I don’t know when I’ve eaten. I just want more time but I don’t want to be selfish and prolong the pain. I don’t know if she’s in pain when she’s in it she struggles to breathe and because her heart flutters she’s too uncomfortable to lie down but she’s sleepy due to less oxygen. It’s scary sometimes her gums go blue and her little eyes look scared and sad.

I’m scared for the vet to come. She’ll get scared about being jabbed by the needle again. How will I comfort my baby… I hope the last moments are fast. I hope I one day forgive myself. I just hope one day I maybe get another fur baby and I’ll know right there and then it’s my Lara and she’s rested and has come back to me. Until then, I’ll grieve.

Please if you have any chunky wrinkle muffins at home, give them a cuddle from me. Give them a bit of extra love. I know this thread is all about memorials. And you must all be angels because these dogs are deserved only by the bestest people in the world with the biggest hearts. So big so that we can give away pieces of them to our babies when they pass.

 

[Donna-Marie]

I’m so sorry, for you and your beautiful precious girl, i know it won’t mean much but I’d like to say my heart goes out to you .im choked up right now.
The way you spoke of her and your feelings was a beautiful way to express everything you’re going right now and her putting her first, that takes a big heart it’s not easy.
You’re right only the best of people should have the most adorable stubborn furballs. In the world, they have the biggest hearts and loyalty nobody else should ever even think of taking one home.
I’m thinking of you, I’m sure you and your girl will help and comfort each other when the time comes.
Donna,

 

[Lennie. U.K.]

This is really tough, even for me to write. You have said it all in the post, go with you're heart and remember you have nothing to feel guilty about. Good Luck!

 

[2BullyMama]

So incredibly sorry this is happening, at 6 years old it is devastating to wrap your head around. Don’t feel guilty, you have given her a great life and she has given you all the joy! It’s heart crushing for you and your boyfriend, but you will know when to set her free , she will tell you with her eyes. Both my boys did when I was nowhere near ready to lose them.

Sending tons of hugs and prayers to you all!

 

[helsonwheels]

So sorry to hear this. Been there not too long ago, Our fur babies tells us when it’s time. You will know through the eyes, breathing, movements. It’s the hardest thing to do but we also know we can’t let them suffer either.

 

[Larabm]

Thank you all, you are the kindest people.



My best friend crossed the rainbow bridge on Friday 5th of December. I miss her terribly. I know people will say I’m crazy but I wake up every day and talk to her. Every time I eat I leave a piece in her little bowl next to her picture, and the next day I do the same.



I feel like I betrayed her. My best friend, my equal. My Lara went on a good day. That day I took her to four parks, she ate all the forbidden foods: macaroni cheese, pizza, burger, ice cream, chicken nuggets, salami, cheese and egg. She was my egg dog you see, she loved egg! In the evening I cuddled her and thanked her. The vet then came. My Lara was an angel, she lept off her bed and when to greet him. Tail wagging, licking his hands. The hands that would take her. It broke me. He tried to administer the anaesthetic but my good girl wanted to play and he was struggling. I saw him trying to grab her, I panicked and told my Lara to turn to me. And she did. My Lara was loyal even in death. I hate myself for it. He administered the sedative and she yelped. Tried running somewhere to hide. I dreaded this. I cupped her little face and told her to look at me. That it’ll be ok, that she won’t be in pain anymore, that this isn’t goodbye but see you later. That I love her. And she stayed. She looked right into my eyes, until she fell sleepy. My best friend died staring into my eyes. Everyone has said that I comforted her, but it feels to me like I betrayed her. I close my eyes and see hers.



I need people to know my Lara. To know just how precious and what a godsend she was. That’s why he took her you see, because she was too good. He wanted her for himself.



I dreamt of having a dog since I was a child. My parents wouldn’t let me, they’d say when you’re old enough and you know how to care for one, you’ll get one. And I got Lara when I was in my 20s.



She was a very timid dog when she was younger, everything would scare her, bags, bins, cardboard, a clock ticking, the tv. But after a year of me buying her a little something every time I went to the shops, she started loving bags. She’d see me coming in and I’d leave the bags and she’d rummage through them. Knowing full well there was always a toy in there or a treat.



I was born without a left hand, and I know dogs can’t “understand” what a disability is, but my Lara knew. When we’d get ready to go out on a walk she’d get the zoomies, my boyfriend would always struggle to put her harness on because she just wouldn’t stay still. When I’d do it my Lara froze, she didn’t move a muscle. She knew I would need to do it with one hand and it’d be hard, she knew. That’s how loyal my Lara was, that’s the sacrifice she made. It goes against her nature to stay still when excited to go on a walk, to show excitement in ways other than with words. But she went against her own self to make life easier for me. I was lucky to have her - not the other way around. Wrinkle time every night was the same, she wouldn’t budge when I was doing it, she’d gently push up against my hand to help almost. And finally and most hard breaking is when giving her heart medication, I couldn’t open her mouth and put the pill in at the same time with one hand. My Lara knew. She didn’t resist. She opened her mouth, my baby voluntarily took those damn pills to make things easier for me?!



I took her on road trips, she went to Germany, Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria. She went hiking around lakes and conquering peaks. She was so active. She was an outdoor dog. I never put her on a lead, never. She didn’t need it, my Lara would make ten steps ahead and freeze and look back to see if I was behind her. If I was more than ten steps behind, she’d run back to me.



She would drink water when I’d tell her - mostly needed to in summer (I’d worry that she’s overheating). She would wait when I said wait - that’s how we were when crossing the road. She also knew she had me wrapped around her little paw bean. She’d beg me for food because she knew I’d crack. I’d say “Do you want some attention?” and she’d come sit on my lap to be scratched and hugged. She hated hair dryers but then she loved my Dyson. I would start drying my hair and she’d paw at me to get her “hair” done too. Of course I obliged.



When I called my grandma who raised me and heard her slurring her words I was in panic, she was having a stroke, far away from where I was, I couldn’t help but to call someone. My Lara was next to me, licking my tears and burrowing her head into my lap. My grandma and my Lara were born on the same day, March 11th. And they are both the sweetest beings there ever will be. She was my strength.



She was very cheeky. She once stole a block of cheese from the packet without evidence, I’m telling you - my boyfriend brought it into the kitchen asking me when I got the chance to eat the whole cheese. We both panicked and ran to her. She had that guilty look in her eyes and cheese crumbs on her paws. I was scared she’d get sick, told her I’m not talking to her anymore. Needless to say that lasted 10 minutes. Again, I told you I fold like a lawn chair.



When I passed my driving test I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with me. I pet her before I left and said “You’re my good luck dog, I know you’ll bring me good luck”. And she did. I passed and came running back home overjoyed and jumping around with her. Just us two. It was more than enough, my good luck dog brought me luck. She was my first passenger that day. I of course took her to the park. But then when I got there I hit the car bumper on the railing trying to reverse back into a parking space. I looked at her and said “This is our secret! No one must know this happened” and she looked at me as if to say “Ok, I won’t say anything, but how will you explain the dashcam footage and the scrape on the bumper?” I laughed a lot that day. My good luck dog gave me all her luck, until hers ran out. I hate myself for it.



She hated being dirty, as she was a princess. She’d do her business in the garden or on a walk and come and offer me her butt to wipe it. Again princess behaviour. She also would get up on her own and go to the back door leading to the garden and press her head on it when she needed the toilet. She was so smart that we’d say “Toilet?” and if she needed it she’d go.



I once thought she could tell the time, I noticed every evening at 8 she’d get up and go into the kitchen and wait by her bowl. Turned out she couldn’t exactly read the time, but she was still smarter than me. She heard the reminder sound go off on my phone every night, it was some old reminder I’d set like three years ago and never paid attention to. She was a Pavlovs dog. I still think she could tell the time though. I don’t care what anyone says!



She was very good. She NEVER peed or pooped in the house. She NEVER chewed shoes or furniture. She NEVER begged for food at dinner time. She knew she eats first then the humans do. I wish she did a few naughty things, so she could experience being a dog fully. But that wasn’t my Lara. She wasn’t really a dog, more human I’d say.



She was everything and so much more. I’ll never get over losing her. Never. I’ll write letters to her and stroke her toys. I know it’s stupid but last night I was in the kitchen and my light flickered three times. It was nearing 5pm. The same time my Lara went. So I did what I knew she wanted. I picked up her toys, put them in my car and drove. I drove away because I knew she was with me and I wouldn’t let her stay in the house at 5pm ever again. So every evening since, we go out on a drive and we’re never in at 5. It pains me writing this, but I am laughing through the tears remembering how amazing she was. She was perfect in every sense of the word.

 

[Hceril]

So sorry for your loss....
It sounds like she had a wonderful life!
Your post was a beautiful tribute. It had me in tears and also some chuckles.
Your beautiful girl is still with you.

 

[Lennie. U.K.]

So sorry that you had to be parted, so soon. People greave in different ways, so you are not crazy. Lara had a wonderful life with you, and I bet some funny crazy moments, because she was a Bully, and that's what they do.

 

[helsonwheels]

Lara was a special girl because of you. You gave her a beautiful life and she knew it too. Beautiful tribute. She’ll always be in your heart.

Rest in Peace beautiful Lara

 

[2BullyMama]

. What an amazing tribute to your beautiful girl! You gave each other exactly what you needed and you did the most loving action in the end… she will always be with you, always.

Rest well beautiful girl, you done a great job.

Big hugs to you @Larabm

 

[Donna-Marie]

Thank you all, you are the kindest people.



My best friend crossed the rainbow bridge on Friday 5th of December. I miss her terribly. I know people will say I’m crazy but I wake up every day and talk to her. Every time I eat I leave a piece in her little bowl next to her picture, and the next day I do the same.



I feel like I betrayed her. My best friend, my equal. My Lara went on a good day. That day I took her to four parks, she ate all the forbidden foods: macaroni cheese, pizza, burger, ice cream, chicken nuggets, salami, cheese and egg. She was my egg dog you see, she loved egg! In the evening I cuddled her and thanked her. The vet then came. My Lara was an angel, she lept off her bed and when to greet him. Tail wagging, licking his hands. The hands that would take her. It broke me. He tried to administer the anaesthetic but my good girl wanted to play and he was struggling. I saw him trying to grab her, I panicked and told my Lara to turn to me. And she did. My Lara was loyal even in death. I hate myself for it. He administered the sedative and she yelped. Tried running somewhere to hide. I dreaded this. I cupped her little face and told her to look at me. That it’ll be ok, that she won’t be in pain anymore, that this isn’t goodbye but see you later. That I love her. And she stayed. She looked right into my eyes, until she fell sleepy. My best friend died staring into my eyes. Everyone has said that I comforted her, but it feels to me like I betrayed her. I close my eyes and see hers.



I need people to know my Lara. To know just how precious and what a godsend she was. That’s why he took her you see, because she was too good. He wanted her for himself.



I dreamt of having a dog since I was a child. My parents wouldn’t let me, they’d say when you’re old enough and you know how to care for one, you’ll get one. And I got Lara when I was in my 20s.



She was a very timid dog when she was younger, everything would scare her, bags, bins, cardboard, a clock ticking, the tv. But after a year of me buying her a little something every time I went to the shops, she started loving bags. She’d see me coming in and I’d leave the bags and she’d rummage through them. Knowing full well there was always a toy in there or a treat.



I was born without a left hand, and I know dogs can’t “understand” what a disability is, but my Lara knew. When we’d get ready to go out on a walk she’d get the zoomies, my boyfriend would always struggle to put her harness on because she just wouldn’t stay still. When I’d do it my Lara froze, she didn’t move a muscle. She knew I would need to do it with one hand and it’d be hard, she knew. That’s how loyal my Lara was, that’s the sacrifice she made. It goes against her nature to stay still when excited to go on a walk, to show excitement in ways other than with words. But she went against her own self to make life easier for me. I was lucky to have her - not the other way around. Wrinkle time every night was the same, she wouldn’t budge when I was doing it, she’d gently push up against my hand to help almost. And finally and most hard breaking is when giving her heart medication, I couldn’t open her mouth and put the pill in at the same time with one hand. My Lara knew. She didn’t resist. She opened her mouth, my baby voluntarily took those damn pills to make things easier for me?!



I took her on road trips, she went to Germany, Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria. She went hiking around lakes and conquering peaks. She was so active. She was an outdoor dog. I never put her on a lead, never. She didn’t need it, my Lara would make ten steps ahead and freeze and look back to see if I was behind her. If I was more than ten steps behind, she’d run back to me.



She would drink water when I’d tell her - mostly needed to in summer (I’d worry that she’s overheating). She would wait when I said wait - that’s how we were when crossing the road. She also knew she had me wrapped around her little paw bean. She’d beg me for food because she knew I’d crack. I’d say “Do you want some attention?” and she’d come sit on my lap to be scratched and hugged. She hated hair dryers but then she loved my Dyson. I would start drying my hair and she’d paw at me to get her “hair” done too. Of course I obliged.



When I called my grandma who raised me and heard her slurring her words I was in panic, she was having a stroke, far away from where I was, I couldn’t help but to call someone. My Lara was next to me, licking my tears and burrowing her head into my lap. My grandma and my Lara were born on the same day, March 11th. And they are both the sweetest beings there ever will be. She was my strength.



She was very cheeky. She once stole a block of cheese from the packet without evidence, I’m telling you - my boyfriend brought it into the kitchen asking me when I got the chance to eat the whole cheese. We both panicked and ran to her. She had that guilty look in her eyes and cheese crumbs on her paws. I was scared she’d get sick, told her I’m not talking to her anymore. Needless to say that lasted 10 minutes. Again, I told you I fold like a lawn chair.



When I passed my driving test I didn’t have anyone to celebrate with me. I pet her before I left and said “You’re my good luck dog, I know you’ll bring me good luck”. And she did. I passed and came running back home overjoyed and jumping around with her. Just us two. It was more than enough, my good luck dog brought me luck. She was my first passenger that day. I of course took her to the park. But then when I got there I hit the car bumper on the railing trying to reverse back into a parking space. I looked at her and said “This is our secret! No one must know this happened” and she looked at me as if to say “Ok, I won’t say anything, but how will you explain the dashcam footage and the scrape on the bumper?” I laughed a lot that day. My good luck dog gave me all her luck, until hers ran out. I hate myself for it.



She hated being dirty, as she was a princess. She’d do her business in the garden or on a walk and come and offer me her butt to wipe it. Again princess behaviour. She also would get up on her own and go to the back door leading to the garden and press her head on it when she needed the toilet. She was so smart that we’d say “Toilet?” and if she needed it she’d go.



I once thought she could tell the time, I noticed every evening at 8 she’d get up and go into the kitchen and wait by her bowl. Turned out she couldn’t exactly read the time, but she was still smarter than me. She heard the reminder sound go off on my phone every night, it was some old reminder I’d set like three years ago and never paid attention to. She was a Pavlovs dog. I still think she could tell the time though. I don’t care what anyone says!



She was very good. She NEVER peed or pooped in the house. She NEVER chewed shoes or furniture. She NEVER begged for food at dinner time. She knew she eats first then the humans do. I wish she did a few naughty things, so she could experience being a dog fully. But that wasn’t my Lara. She wasn’t really a dog, more human I’d say.



She was everything and so much more. I’ll never get over losing her. Never. I’ll write letters to her and stroke her toys. I know it’s stupid but last night I was in the kitchen and my light flickered three times. It was nearing 5pm. The same time my Lara went. So I did what I knew she wanted. I picked up her toys, put them in my car and drove. I drove away because I knew she was with me and I wouldn’t let her stay in the house at 5pm ever again. So every evening since, we go out on a drive and we’re never in at 5. It pains me writing this, but I am laughing through the tears remembering how amazing she was. She was perfect in every sense of the word. View attachment 126465View attachment 126466View attachment 126467View attachment 126468View attachment 126469View attachment 126470View attachment 126471View attachment 126472

I’m so sorry you’re going through this but please don’t feel you betrayed her. You did what was best for her and not you. Those pictures are adorable what a cutie! You made her last day a wonderful one.
It’s too early just now but when the time’s right and you feel ready, instead of feeling the sadness of missing Lara remember the feeling of having her and all the memories of the time you had together. Lara had the best life she possibly could have, take a minute out to remind you and your partner of that.