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Thread: my Sweetie Head...

  1. #13
    Texas Carol....put the heart in EBN Become a 4 Paw Member
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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    Dear Bev, was just thinking about you and come on here to find your
    beautiful tribute to Sweety Head, such a dear & special girl. May I tell
    you this, whenever I read your words about her, I'm filled with the
    TRUTH that you & she were meant to be together. I also feel that she
    had a wonderful life and that you gave her your whole world and more
    time here than she would have otherwise had. I know this...Abby had
    everything and more and I know that Abby knew she was loved beyond
    measure...they know.

    I know the hole in your heart is huge, that you have doubts & unanswered
    questions, that every day is a struggle to get out of bed and that every day
    is empty of joy, I know you feel guilty feeling this way but yet, it still is what
    it is. You are a fighter, dear one, and when the fight is done, you are lost.
    These feelings are difficult for one as fierce and brave as you.

    This I know too, it was her time to go and you knew it and that is why you
    did the hardest thing ever, you let her go.

    Peace to you, dear Bev, and love and comfort and strength as you struggle
    with all these things that rage inside your heart and tear you apart.

    Abby is with GOD and struggles no more, her worn out body repaired and
    she plays with all our beloved human and furry loves gone before us.

    You will reunite with her again, as we all will with our loved ones.

    It is the being apart from them, the deepest longing for them, the waiting
    until we are with them again...these things are the hard things that nothing
    can fix but time...time to find a way to endure the unendurable.

    It will happen and until it does, come here and share your pain with us, as you
    did today and let it help you, just a little, as you have done so often, for others.

    Bev, you are loved, as you loved Abby...be blessed and favored of GOD.


    My 1st bully, Brutus
    RIP beloved boy.

  2. #14
    My Bully Gave Me Wings Become a 4 Paw Member
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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    Quote Originally Posted by Heff102 View Post
    .

    I know for us after losing Heff I swore never ever again would I ever own a pet....8 days later in walks Lulu into our life! Lulu is no Heff but I always tell me wife that I am sure she is a reincarnation of Heff in certain ways.

    Sorry I wish I could say more to help ease your pain.
    I remember your losing Heff. I'm sorry that happened. I'm glad you have Lulu to help you now.

    I can't find that anywhere. I do all these fosters and rescues. I could have any bully that walks into my house but I don't feel it. The only one I felt any connection with at all was Georgia and we later found out she was full of cancer and needed to die too. I do these rescues and adoptions hoping to find some joy in giving unwanted or mistreated bullys the happy ending that Abby never got to have. But I don't feel that either.

    Quote Originally Posted by 2BullyMama View Post
    she knew you LOVED her and you did everything right.
    I hope so. I really really hope so.

    Quote Originally Posted by desertskybulldogs View Post
    I don't think there is not a soul on here that did not fall in love with Abby and her journey, and also your fight for her. I am blessed to have met her on here and also to have met you.

    ...We love you and sweetyhead forever, and from where I stand you will always be on a pedestal for all you have given her. All that love. She knew it too.
    I know you all loved her too. That's why I stopped hoarding the video and shared it. The only change that I made to it before posting it here was updating the last picture of the stone. Her tree is waking up and the daisies and forget-me-nots around her are in bloom. I wanted you all to see it.

    Abby is the one who did all the fighting, she deserves that pedestal. I couldn't have done anything if her will to live wasn't so strong. I was just a co-pilot.

    Quote Originally Posted by Davidh View Post
    WOW, very hard for me to hold back the tears, that was a great memorial video, and the song was perfect. ...
    one day you will see her sweet face again.
    Eric Clapton wrote that song after his own loss, his 4 year old son died in a horrible accident. I thought it was a good fit. I hope I see her again. I hope she remembers me when (if?) I get there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sherry View Post
    I'm sorry I bolted and ran, you guy's are killin me is not a proper response. As all of us watched you extend Abby's life past her first birthday was really more than anyone could ask for, you too are my hero and I hold you up on a pedestal. Second guessing yourself is something we all live with, I second guess myself with my kids that are gone, if only I would've done this or that, or maybe, or why. We have no answers, only memories and the holes in our hearts. It hurts like nothing ever will, it's everyday and it's every year. Trust me darling, I admire the feistiness you gave Abby and she knew she was loved, how could she not know? You and Abby left a mark in all our hearts and the timing of the precious video is spot on. It's a wonderful reminder of everything we do for the love of our fur kids. If only every pet would have this kind of care the world would be a better place for it. God Bless you Bev, and Sweetie Head
    @Twice
    That's ok Sherry. I posted and ran! I hid on the couch under my blanket all night pretending to watch a movie with my son. I'm sorry for your losses too. Yours are so much bigger than mine yet here you are, surviving and inspiring and laughing. You're my hero.

    Quote Originally Posted by Momma2Bullies View Post
    Dear Bev,
    you DID do everything you possibly could , everything that was in your power. You did try hard enough
    did I? sometimes I'm not so sure.

    Quote Originally Posted by sheshistory View Post
    A beautiful tribute to a wonderful life - you gave her everything you could and now she's healthy and whole again, waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge/
    I like the image of her out there healthy somewhere

    Quote Originally Posted by JAKEISGREAT View Post


    When her time came, you GAVE her enough love to last until you see her again. Now..please Sweet Bev, give yourself the peace and knowledge that comes with knowing you did it ALL. That hole in your heart isn't supposed to go away. But over time, it will become one with Abby..solid and strong, just like you.

    And what if the time wasn't right Becky? What if I acted too soon? This is the biggest part for me to deal with. She was our miracle dog. Everyone said so, even her doctors. Remember at every visit they all said it? "she shouldn't be here right now". But she was. What if she had another miracle left in her and I robbed her of it? I can't find any peace in that anywhere.

    @Texas Carol I know you get it. You have had so many losses of your own this past year. More than any one person should have to have in a lifetime. Yet you come here and type kind words to me. I have nothing to say but thank you

    For me, her name was Abby
    10/24/2011 - 11/23/1012


    Obtaining a dog license should require more than writing a check.

  3. #15
    Bulldog Vet in Training bluesteelapd's Avatar
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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    I too am sorry. I couldn't bring myself to watch more than about a minute and a half of the video. That is the CUTEST Steelers fan I've seen.
    I can't fully comprehend your loss as I was blessed to have 6 years of my boxer with me before she passed. The short amount of time you had would have put me in the same depressive state. Please take the virtual love we send you and know we are supporting you through this.
    I'm just so very sorry.

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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    I cannot say anything to make you feel better, I wish I could. You absolutely were the best mama she could have had, please don't second guess yourself. Had you given that prescription food she may not have lasted as long. You went with your gut and your instincts were right on, which is what did give her the life she had. Not long enough by any means but longer than she was given on her own. Hugs to you!! Your love for her IS known and felt. If we can feel it thru a cold computer, just imagine how much she felt.

  5. #17
    Queenie I am an EBN Reporter
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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    Bev, I watched that last night but couldn't bring myself to respond. I wish there was something we all could do to help you grieve. My heart hurts for you knowing how hard your heart is hurting. The video was beautiful!!
    Three Hooligans and 1 Angel - Wilson, Sally, Emma & Jack

  6. #18
    Snookie ain't got nuttin on me! Become a 4 Paw Member
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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    There is nothing I can say to take or ease the pain! I just want you to know that YOU DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE FOR THAT SWEET SWEET BABY GIRL! She knew there was nobody else who could have loved her more than you! You gave her the best year of her life! We all love you!!!
    Everyone wants to kiss a bullie

  7. #19
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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    I heard in our "staff" room that you'd finally posted on here, and it's taken me this long to have the courage to come and look. I'm sorry Bev and I wish I could say words that would heal your pain but I don't have any because my pain is still here too, and on May 31st it will be one year. It doesn't go away.

    However, I can argue some points with you. Don't you dare ever EVER say again that you didn't do enough for that sweet girl. She was your calling. By learning and living with her you found out more about nutrition and the needs for her than any known vet in this universe. She wouldn't have seen more than a few months if it were not for you. And you KNOW that!!! The miracle of her and your journey into nutrition is so deeply intertwined that you do Abby a great injustice to doubt yourself in this way. So you need to stop that right now!! Prescription food?? WTF??

    Did you let her go to the Rainbow Bridge at the right time ... well you know you did. You know that the pain and suffering had reached that point. You know that you had to make the ultimate sacrifice and let her go, and not keep her on this earth for yourself.

    Does she know what you did .. of course she did. She loved you and she adored you. This was a meeting of two souls that needed each other. You taught each other the meaning of love.

    Everything I"m saying you know to be true ... will it help? I don't know. I too am trapped in my own little private hell, but whereas yours is remorse, mine is pure anger right now. I'm angry that Maggie had to go so soon. I'm angry that she was taken away from us. Part of me continuously churns with pure unrelenting fury that she was taken away from me and that it wasn't right. I'm sadly not a better person for knowing Maggie, because I fear that when she left she took some of my "niceness" away with her and it's left anger in it's place, and I too am left with this big deep hole that will never be fully filled.

    I'm sorry you hurt so much. I'm sorry you lost your sweetie-head. But the thing that keeps me going is that I know that one day I'll be reunited, and that she will wait for me. Is it weird that I can now honestly say that death doesn't ever worry me? That I will see her again? Maybe that is weird, but it's true.

    Love you Bev!!!
    Last edited by kazzy220; 04-28-2013 at 04:29 PM.

  8. #20
    Doggie Boutique Owner Become a 4 Paw Member
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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    I don't know what happened to your sweet Abby but from that tribute you can see how loved she was!! She's a beautiful girl and quite a stylish one at that. I know anything I say will not ease the hurt. Please know as a stranger seeing that video and reading your words it is clear as day that you LOVED that little girl and she was brought to you because you had the love to give her! It is people like you that make me see that us bully owners are as special as the bully's themselves. I am so sorry for your loss please know Tubby & I send you lots of love

  9. #21
    Bully Bootie Duty My kids have 4 paws's Avatar
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    I too am sorry for your loss as tears are flowing rapidly. I can not imagine what you are going through.

  10. #22
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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    I'm bawling - I'm having such a hard time dealing with the passing of my own baby girl (4wks tomorrow) that your posting jolted me in the present. The video is precious and she's beautiful. My heart goes out to you as I get ready to pick up Harley's ashes today. My stomach is in a knot & my heart is heavy but I'm grateful to know she's in good company with your Abby. Bulldog size hugs to you...

  11. #23
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    Played to first 24 seconds and had to turn it off. I can't even begin to imagine your feelings but I do know that I hurt for you too. Ill continue praying and grieving for you.

  12. #24
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    Default Re: my Sweetie Head...

    Hi Bev,

    Reading this brought me back to the first time I was on the forum. I was paralyzed to click on the memorial postings knowing I would one day be one of them, so I avoided it. I too was given more time w/ my baby girl, but it wasn't enough, it couldn't ever be enough. Nothing can replace the purpose she added to my life.

    I've always tried to make sense of lessons on letting go since we are all destined to confront them. The only logic I can derive came from a speaker discussing life and death in the context of a greater purpose. He was addressing a couple that lost a child shortly after birth, they were riddled with guilt, depression and anger - they just wanted to understand why, what was the purpose of bringing a child into the world only to take him away so shortly after.

    The speaker responded by posing another question to them. He asked, "did you love this child even though the period was brief?". Of course they said yes. He said "then why aren't you honoring him by figuring out what it was that he was here to teach you? I know he wasn't here to bring you guilt or paralyze you with sadness... maybe the lesson is in the short beautiful light shined upon both of you. Perhaps his lesson to you is just of pure love, and appreciating it no matter how brief". I took that as love always being a gift that is never lost - you just can't control what form it presents itself or how long you have it.

    I'm not a scientist, but even they agree that energy doesn't just disappear. My bully girl and I had a bond that was so pure, so undeniable, that I refuse to believe there isn't more to our life together despite the form it takes - dog, human or otherwise. I don't have all the answers, and honestly the pain of missing her really really sucks, but I do believe she is still there.

    My own sadness is the residual of having such an awesome little presence in my life. I think about her all the time. Unfortunately, angels just aren't meant to stay on the earth very long. Sometimes I wonder if it may ultimately be part of the so-called "silver lining" because I'm now a little less fearful of death knowing she's on the other side. It's comforting knowing there is something to look forward to at the end.

    Anyway, thank you for sharing, I know it's painful, but I also know there's no healing without going through the pain. So I'm off to pick up Harley's remains, unknowingly you've helped me work through some of my own grief which has given me a little strength. Now I just need to figure out which sun spot to put her outside and with what flowers.

    Perhaps yer Abby's hanging with my Harley girl right now. I like that. Enjoy your pain free frolic at the Rainbow Bridge bully girls! Until we meet again! E-:< <--- (closest I can get to a bulldog emoticon w/ an underbite).

    Just a side note: My Dad passed away too young, at the age of 46, but my Mom told me that he used to always tell her not to say goodbye, just say goodnight or until we meet again... my Father was a very wise man.


    Love and light,
    Kristi
    Last edited by KristizHarleyGirl; 04-30-2013 at 03:33 PM.

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