BarkingStella
New member
- Oct 16, 2012
- 77
- 2
- Bulldog(s) Names
- Peggy ,Stella ,Gabby
I am pretty new to the forum. I have 3 beautiful bulldog girls. My bulldog, Angus died 5 months ago. I am really struggling. I think I let him down. Intellectually, I know that is untrue.
Some background...I was an addiction counselor for many years...burned out and worked in veterinary hospitals for many years. I was present when angus was born, loved him the moment I saw him. We had a healthy 8 years. He started limping, long story short the vet suspected bone cancer. We had to wait a month to re-X-ray. It was a front leg, he was very chest heavy and I knew we could not amputate if it was cancer. I made peace with that. I was elated when it turned out to be arthritis. I hated it, but we could deal with it. About a month later, he seemed to have choked, my husband thought he choked on a stick. We live in a rural area, it is an hour to the vet. Got some benedryl and prednisone. Had a return appointment but he wasn't improving, so went in early and saw the associate vet. She said he was probably just healing slow and keep an eye on him and stuck with what we were doing. Totally deteriorated over the next couple of days. We headed to the vet, knew we weren't going to make it, so stopped at the large animal practice on the way. We had him on oxygen, and I asked the vet if we should try to get him to his bulldog vet or stay there. He honestly thought we needed to go on, and sent us his oxygen machine. We almost made at, my husband driving like a madman, and me trying to save my dog. But we didn't, and I carried my dead baby boy into the vet. Our bulldog vet was waiting, even though it was his day off, and did an autopsy. Angus had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. It is what makes healthy young athletes drop dead. I have had dogs most of my life. I have made the decision when it was "time". It has been awful. I have held other peoples pets when they are euthanized. I would never have put Angus through that last week. I should have insisted on an x ray when we saw the associate vet. He deserved a better passing. I would have told him to let go.
I don't know why I feel the need to tell this story. I guess it was so traumatic that I haven't been able to tell it out loud. I miss him, his smell, his snore, his white eyelashes...
My Stella pup, I got her when we had the bone cancer scare, cause I was not wanting to "replace" Angus. I had trouble bonding at first, but that is fine...she is a spectacular pup. Peggy and Gabby are retired breeding and show dogs, so I haven't had them since they are pups. I love them all. It seems that Angus was just one of those once in a lifetime dogs...
Thanks for listening...It helps to just talk about it.
Some background...I was an addiction counselor for many years...burned out and worked in veterinary hospitals for many years. I was present when angus was born, loved him the moment I saw him. We had a healthy 8 years. He started limping, long story short the vet suspected bone cancer. We had to wait a month to re-X-ray. It was a front leg, he was very chest heavy and I knew we could not amputate if it was cancer. I made peace with that. I was elated when it turned out to be arthritis. I hated it, but we could deal with it. About a month later, he seemed to have choked, my husband thought he choked on a stick. We live in a rural area, it is an hour to the vet. Got some benedryl and prednisone. Had a return appointment but he wasn't improving, so went in early and saw the associate vet. She said he was probably just healing slow and keep an eye on him and stuck with what we were doing. Totally deteriorated over the next couple of days. We headed to the vet, knew we weren't going to make it, so stopped at the large animal practice on the way. We had him on oxygen, and I asked the vet if we should try to get him to his bulldog vet or stay there. He honestly thought we needed to go on, and sent us his oxygen machine. We almost made at, my husband driving like a madman, and me trying to save my dog. But we didn't, and I carried my dead baby boy into the vet. Our bulldog vet was waiting, even though it was his day off, and did an autopsy. Angus had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. It is what makes healthy young athletes drop dead. I have had dogs most of my life. I have made the decision when it was "time". It has been awful. I have held other peoples pets when they are euthanized. I would never have put Angus through that last week. I should have insisted on an x ray when we saw the associate vet. He deserved a better passing. I would have told him to let go.
I don't know why I feel the need to tell this story. I guess it was so traumatic that I haven't been able to tell it out loud. I miss him, his smell, his snore, his white eyelashes...
My Stella pup, I got her when we had the bone cancer scare, cause I was not wanting to "replace" Angus. I had trouble bonding at first, but that is fine...she is a spectacular pup. Peggy and Gabby are retired breeding and show dogs, so I haven't had them since they are pups. I love them all. It seems that Angus was just one of those once in a lifetime dogs...
Thanks for listening...It helps to just talk about it.
I feel your pain my husband an I just went through it in march he was 14 years old my husband had him since he was 6 weeks old he was mine for the last 7 I called him mine cause he listen to me a lot better then his dad lol I don't know what happened he got sick one day an it just kept getting worse by the end he couldn't walk his testicles died inside of the sac he had to get surgery then it got really bad he started to get these sores all over his body his feet got huge he wasn't eating or going to the bathroom the vet didn't have any answers so we decided it was time it was so hard to make that choice I still think about him everyday I even dream about him everyone in are town new who he was he was loved by many. I'm so very sorry for your loss I know it was the one dog that was so special you think you will never have a dog like him again but at least we still have room in are hearts for more dogs that could be like the ones we lost
I'm so glad you shared this. It's important to know many of us have struggled along the same path you are on. We have lost too many very special dogs and cats. We lost a wonderful Rottie to bone cancer. From the time she was diagnosed to the time we had to make that horrible last trip to the vets, was just 3 short weeks. While I will be forever grateful to have had that time with her, it was filled with worry and the anxiety of "when was the right time?". A few months before Ana was diagnosed, we lost a most wonderful dog and we had reached the decision that we waited too long. Mac had gone in and out of the vets, with symptoms of a stroke, but nothing was diagnosed. He was an old guy and we just couldn't say it's time. But after seeing him as he lay, unable to move, but knowing he knew we were right there, I felt overwhelmingly guilty. I realized we had pushed his time too long. And not for him, but for us. Mac was a "once in a lifetime" dog too. A stray mixed breed and the kind of guy that everyone loved. He had been rescued off the streets of L.A. by my hubby. Mac spent the rest of his life, letting us know how much he loved us. The final goodbye was so very hard. Every tech and vet at the hospital was openly crying. He brought out the best in ALL of us. 
