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Thread: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

  1. #25
    Pet Sitter Momma2Bullies's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    Thanks guys! I think you're spot-on. I struggle with anxiety and depression, I fully admit that I am 100% not the most confident person. I am very likely over-thinking every move I make, and then I am hyper-aware that I am over-thinking my over-thinking, and it must be ridiculous for my dogs. I know they can read everything.
    I am not ashamed to tell you that this all coincided with being diagnosed with severe depression in the fall , and as a result I have been home 24/7. The fighting started right around then. I know it is due to my instability. I am doing better now, but even on my best days I am sure the dogs can sense this within me. They have been my salvation and I truly believe they literally saved my life, and it is wrenching my heart to see that I am projecting something that causes Wilbur and Layla even a moment of distress or confusion.

    I am hopeful that as I continue to get well, this will gradually end. I hope that since they are turning 2 next week this is also an age thing with them and it will settle down.

    We have been considering bringing a trainer in as well, because they need to see the home dynamic.

    Thank you so much for your input - I really appreciate it!
    My whole world

  2. #26
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    Quote Originally Posted by Momma2Bullies View Post
    Thanks guys! I think you're spot-on. I struggle with anxiety and depression, I fully admit that I am 100% not the most confident person. I am very likely over-thinking every move I make, and then I am hyper-aware that I am over-thinking my over-thinking, and it must be ridiculous for my dogs. I know they can read everything.
    I am not ashamed to tell you that this all coincided with being diagnosed with severe depression in the fall , and as a result I have been home 24/7. The fighting started right around then. I know it is due to my instability. I am doing better now, but even on my best days I am sure the dogs can sense this within me. They have been my salvation and I truly believe they literally saved my life, and it is wrenching my heart to see that I am projecting something that causes Wilbur and Layla even a moment of distress or confusion.

    I am hopeful that as I continue to get well, this will gradually end. I hope that since they are turning 2 next week this is also an age thing with them and it will settle down.

    We have been considering bringing a trainer in as well, because they need to see the home dynamic.

    Thank you so much for your input - I really appreciate it!
    we may be slow in response at times.. but we are all here to help or tag a member that can help. Good luck and please keep us posted
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  3. #27
    The Ultimate Sourmug Sherry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    Quote Originally Posted by Momma2Bullies View Post
    Thanks guys! I think you're spot-on. I struggle with anxiety and depression, I fully admit that I am 100% not the most confident person. I am very likely over-thinking every move I make, and then I am hyper-aware that I am over-thinking my over-thinking, and it must be ridiculous for my dogs. I know they can read everything.
    I am not ashamed to tell you that this all coincided with being diagnosed with severe depression in the fall , and as a result I have been home 24/7. The fighting started right around then. I know it is due to my instability. I am doing better now, but even on my best days I am sure the dogs can sense this within me. They have been my salvation and I truly believe they literally saved my life, and it is wrenching my heart to see that I am projecting something that causes Wilbur and Layla even a moment of distress or confusion.

    I am hopeful that as I continue to get well, this will gradually end. I hope that since they are turning 2 next week this is also an age thing with them and it will settle down.

    We have been considering bringing a trainer in as well, because they need to see the home dynamic.

    Thank you so much for your input - I really appreciate it!

    awwww sweetie (((((hugs))))) life is crazy and you're just trying to make things better is 1000 times better than not caring about it, I won't mention any names. but I'm married to him LOL he thinks I'm nuts pshhttt his baby talk is enough to drive me off the edge when the dogs go wild. relax, things will get better, you are surrounded by us , anything anytime
    Life is like a box of chocolate covered

  4. #28
    "Slug Assassin" and PBS Gardening Dweeb Vicaroo1000's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    Quote Originally Posted by Momma2Bullies View Post
    Thanks guys! I think you're spot-on. I struggle with anxiety and depression, I fully admit that I am 100% not the most confident person. I am very likely over-thinking every move I make, and then I am hyper-aware that I am over-thinking my over-thinking, and it must be ridiculous for my dogs. I know they can read everything.
    I am not ashamed to tell you that this all coincided with being diagnosed with severe depression in the fall , and as a result I have been home 24/7. The fighting started right around then. I know it is due to my instability. I am doing better now, but even on my best days I am sure the dogs can sense this within me. They have been my salvation and I truly believe they literally saved my life, and it is wrenching my heart to see that I am projecting something that causes Wilbur and Layla even a moment of distress or confusion.

    I am hopeful that as I continue to get well, this will gradually end. I hope that since they are turning 2 next week this is also an age thing with them and it will settle down.

    We have been considering bringing a trainer in as well, because they need to see the home dynamic.

    Thank you so much for your input - I really appreciate it!
    Would you mind trying something for me? It's along the lines of "creative visualization" and you may think I'm koo koo for cocoapuffs -- but hear me out.

    Everyone has known someone akin to the classic "Stuck Up Cheerleader". She's a picture of perfection and the rest of the world is beneath her. We are all her minions - yet we adore her style, grace ---- and arrogance. Think of yourself as that Cheerleader person and your dogs as the minions. You are the boss and they will do exactly as you say because 1) you are the boss and 2) they adore you for being that boss. You are stuck up... you don't use baby talk....and you aren't chatty either....you make eye contact only when there's an instruction to follow (Come. Sit. Stay. Wait.) You absolutely ADORE your minions but you cannot let on that you do or you wouldn't be the fabulous ice queen they admire. You carry yourself upright and confidently (not hunched over and fearful) in everything you do. You are calm. You are assertive.

    Can you try being that person with your dogs and see what happens?

  5. #29
    Pet Sitter Momma2Bullies's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    Quote Originally Posted by Vicaroo1000 View Post
    Would you mind trying something for me? It's along the lines of "creative visualization" and you may think I'm koo koo for cocoapuffs -- but hear me out.

    Everyone has known someone akin to the classic "Stuck Up Cheerleader". She's a picture of perfection and the rest of the world is beneath her. We are all her minions - yet we adore her style, grace ---- and arrogance. Think of yourself as that Cheerleader person and your dogs as the minions. You are the boss and they will do exactly as you say because 1) you are the boss and 2) they adore you for being that boss. You are stuck up... you don't use baby talk....and you aren't chatty either....you make eye contact only when there's an instruction to follow (Come. Sit. Stay. Wait.) You absolutely ADORE your minions but you cannot let on that you do or you wouldn't be the fabulous ice queen they admire. You carry yourself upright and confidently (not hunched over and fearful) in everything you do. You are calm. You are assertive.

    Can you try being that person with your dogs and see what happens?
    At this point I am willing to really try anything - the last couple of days have been "ok", with only one fight and a few other close calls I was able to avert. But that is still too many
    I have to say that I CONSTANTLY talk to them, I always have and I have done this with all of my pets! I also baby talk sometimes... so this will be a very radical change.

    I don't think this is a koo koo idea at all, my boyfriend and I were just talking yesterday about how I am probably seen as more of a fellow pack member or peer (even below them) because I really play with them and cater to their needs (if they need fresh water every 5 minutes or are they too hot/too cold, were any toys left outside, does anyone's wrinkles need wiping, etc.). Maybe being a little more snobby and stuck up would help change my "image". Goodness knows they just about turn themselves inside when my boyfriend appears and he doesn't really do a thing for their care or anything!!! LOL it drives me crazy! But it sure seems to make him the boss.

    Thank you for thinking of us! I will keep you posted!
    My whole world

  6. #30
    "Slug Assassin" and PBS Gardening Dweeb Vicaroo1000's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    @Momma2Bullies - I hope you do try this sincerely. I think it will help. I wish I were there to coach and cheer you on!

  7. #31
    "Slug Assassin" and PBS Gardening Dweeb Vicaroo1000's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    @Momma2Bullies - How's it going? Successes? Failures? Your experience will help someone else!

  8. #32
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    I agree with this attitude adjustment philosophy. It's as simple to prove as we all have experienced when we are excited [for whatever reason] our dogs get excited and amped up too. I'm not at the point where I think that dogs can read our minds but we do give cues as to our frame of mind through our body, expressions and speech patterns that we may not even be aware of but the dogs are and the pick up on these. So when one is calm and assertive [ being the boss] and in control the dogs pick up on it, likewise when we are sad, in pain or anxious they pick up on that as well

  9. #33
    "Slug Assassin" and PBS Gardening Dweeb Vicaroo1000's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rural mystic View Post
    I agree with this attitude adjustment philosophy. It's as simple to prove as we all have experienced when we are excited [for whatever reason] our dogs get excited and amped up too. I'm not at the point where I think that dogs can read our minds but we do give cues as to our frame of mind through our body, expressions and speech patterns that we may not even be aware of but the dogs are and the pick up on these. So when one is calm and assertive [ being the boss] and in control the dogs pick up on it, likewise when we are sad, in pain or anxious they pick up on that as well
    Exactly! Think about how long canines have been living with humans. In all that evolution, they picked up on things --- lots of things -- and that's programed into our dog's DNA. Think about how functional the relationship can be between some homeless persons I've seen and his/her dog. The dog travels all day with the human, encountering any number of challenges, while the human pushes that shopping cart along....I mean really. Amazing. They travel, they forage, they sleep, the rest, they are a pack. Deaf dogs are another great example. They figure it out without ever hearing ANYTHING.

    I talk to my dogs wayyyyy too much. But I talk to everything way too much. LOL Its an effort for me to just shut the hell up and let that energy / body language thing really WORK ITS MAGIC. I struggle with it. Terribly.

  10. #34
    Rescue Volunteer Rural mystic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    Yes humans and dogs share a common evolutionary synergism so to speak that has existed for approx. 33,000 years. I heard or read where one researcher stated that the human species likely would not have survived or certainly not been enabled to traverse the globe without the help of dogs

  11. #35
    Pet Sitter Momma2Bullies's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!


    So ppl can see my update on first page!
    My whole world

  12. #36
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    Default Re: Advice needed....MY behaviour!

    Quote Originally Posted by Momma2Bullies View Post

    UPDATE June 12:Hi everyone! Just wanted to pass on the update so far. Since I came back, the fights have decreased (even though there were a few the very night I came back). I started to really pay attention to what is going on, and also acted like a "snotty cheerleader" (LOL!). I presented like their antics or growling to each other were so boring and beneath me.

    I also saw that when Wilbur started being aggressive, and I would tell him no and discipline him, Layla seemed to interpret that as my needing her protection/help. I don't know whether this is good or bad, but I started just ignoring Wilbur when he was being cranky. I didn't tell him yes or no. When Layla saw this, she has basically stopped engaging him, so the whole incident just fizzles out. As the weeks have passed, we have hardly had any fights.

    maybe being TOO involved in their every action was not the best course of action. Now that I am not "rewarding" the bad behaviour with attention (even though it was not positive attention from me, it was still attention), they seem to be getting along better.

    I will keep you posted!!!!
    What great news! Happy to hear they just fizzle out!

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