.I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone. Your kind words and thoughts have been very helpful. I had to take a few days to process through all of my thoughts and come to terms with everything. It's been about two months since I noticed my B wasn't feeling well. We went to the vet at the beginning of December because she was getting sick and losing weight. The vet put her on a bland diet and ran some blood tests. She told me we could do xrays as well because there still could be a growth that may not be detected by the blood tests. At that point, the symptoms B was having sent us in the direction of blood tests. The bland diet seemed to make her feel better and she stopped getting sick. I'm still not sure what caused that episode. I felt a sense of relief when the blood tests came back normal and she was acting like herself again. I could kick myself for not getting the xrays too. But I'm also glad that I didn't. I don't think it would've changed the results. It would have given me more time to deal with the prognosis, but then I wouldn't have enjoyed my time because I would've been to upset.
Around 12/31 B stopped eating anything crunchy. She already seemed sad and withdrawn; I thought she was stressed out from a house full of people over the holidays. I made another appointment with the vet to have her teeth checked out. I know she told me at that time that there was a growth in the back of her mouth and an infection. She seemed to think it could be a tooth or gum problem. She suggested antibiotics and a follow up appointment in two weeks for a teeth cleaning and to remove the growth. After almost two weeks of antibiotics there were no changes in Bís behavior. I knew this was different.
Iíve been trying hard to be positive, I donít think my constant crying is stress reducingÖ Iíve watched her constantly for the last few days. Very drugged up and sad. Even with anti-inflammatory meds and pain pills she doesnít seem interested in eating. The saddest part is, she is still hungry so she eats. My baby is in pain and so am I. Friday we stayed in bed all day and cuddled and yesterday we went to the lake. She had so much fun! Tomorrow we are going to see my exhusband (ďdaddyĒ) so he can say his goodbyes. I havenít set a date yet, but I canít stand to see her in pain. There is nothing I can do to make her better and I canít watch her get worse just to have more time. This is the saddest I have ever been. I feel blessed to say that. Here are a few pictures of our time at the lake yesterday. Attachment 35545Attachment 35546Attachment 35547Attachment 35548Attachment 35549Attachment 35550
You are finding your way. Just keep following your heart. These are wonderful pictures and these moments you will treasure forever.