hard decision i gotta make... advice?

[theparrisfive]

My sons den (boy scouts) is currently without a leader and the cubmaster sent out a email a few days ago saying that if there is no leader by the end of october that the scouts are gonna have to finish their requirements and level up in november... I have thought about taking on the roll as den leader cause i dont want my son to have to miss out on the tiger scout patch and achievements he could get by staying in his current den. Then i think well thats a lot of responsibility to take on also but then feel bad for the boys and keep hoping to see that someone has stepped up and is taking on the role... but no such email has happenned yet Currently i dont have any kids at home during the day as my youngest started full time kindergarten this year so its just my fur babies and I during the day. So i do have the time... BUT my husband has brought up in our conversations on taking this role about health... I have a health disorder that's been spiraling out of control since my brothers death and my family blaming it on me. so i gotta think about that plus my youngest son has cystic fibrosis, a heart disorder, phenylketonuria, epilepsy, and a immune defiecieny. so every month i spend a week in chicago due to clinics, appointments, testing etc. also winter is coming up and he has spent 4-6 weeks every year so far in the hospital each winter due to his cystic fibrosis. let alone he has open heart coming up soon. so If we take it on one of us will have to be available at all times for duties, meetings, etc..... I keep contemplating this and keep trying to figure out ways to accomplish this and still keep everything else running smoothly health wise and at home. what do you guys think? do you think that it would be ok to do or do you think that i shouldn't? Its a difficult decision and i don't know what to do

 

[TessaAndSamson]

Oh my it sounds like you have alot on your plate already. I understand why you want to take on the leader position but to me it sounds like you have so much else going on that this new responsibility would probably cause more issues than it's worth. Just my opinion though, trying to think of what I would do in that position. Have you spoken with the other parents to see what they are thinking and if any of them are contemplating taking on this position as well? Maybe if other parents are considering doing it as well you can offer to help them when you can, knowing they have support may make any parents considering this want to do it.

 

[cali~jenn]

Well I love the fact that you want to help so much that is awesome. BUT it sounds like you have a LOT going on already with your family and they are first of course. With as much as you have on your plate if it were me I wouldnt take on this other responsibility. It is sad tho to see the kids suffer from the lack of others offering to help. Is there a way to talk to other parents and see if they may help share in this responsibility with you? If you had a couple others willing to jump in and help when you need then maybe it would be worth doing. Otherwise I would recommend maybe letting it go and get him into other activities of some sort when the time comes?

 

[Jack Daniels]

I agree with with the previous 2 suggestions...

In fact, that is exactly what happened with by daughter's travel soccer team.
We were in desperate need of a replacement coach and so my wife volunteered
with the understanding that other parents would help coach as well.
There are nights that my wife cannot attend a practice or a game so coach # 2, #3 or #4 would take over. ......

Its been working fine.

 

[JAKEISGREAT]

Well..I am going to come with a different point of view! I say..yes you have a very full plate..but it sounds like that plate is full of very tough items. And they revolve around your very ill son. I think I would jump at the chance to spend some time doing something for my other son! But I would make sure all the parents AND fellow scouts understood you have other obligations that cannot be ignored. Let them know you will need help and there might be times meetings and activities will be cancelled or postponed..but you will do the best you can! And guess what?? That will be fine! If I am reading between the lines correctly..you WANT to do this..but understandably you realize what may lie ahead. Your scouting son will love the time you can give to him..so will you. The medical issues are of course going to take precedent...but you and your sons need a bit of normalcy too! I was a brownie leader..and coached my daughters soccer team..knowing NOTHING about either.....and it was the best time for ALL of us. Now..I didn't have the serious issues you are dealing with...but that's what assistant scout leaders are for..and every parent there should be willing to pitch in!! Good Luck!!

 

[2BullyMama]

Well..I am going to come with a different point of view! I say..yes you have a very full plate..but it sounds like that plate is full of very tough items. And they revolve around your very ill son. I think I would jump at the chance to spend some time doing something for my other son! But I would make sure all the parents AND fellow scouts understood you have other obligations that cannot be ignored. Let them know you will need help and there might be times meetings and activities will be cancelled or postponed..but you will do the best you can! And guess what?? That will be fine! If I am reading between the lines correctly..you WANT to do this..but understandably you realize what may lie ahead. Your scouting son will love the time you can give to him..so will you. The medical issues are of course going to take precedent...but you and your sons need a bit of normalcy too! I was a brownie leader..and coached my daughters soccer team..knowing NOTHING about either.....and it was the best time for ALL of us. Now..I didn't have the serious issues you are dealing with...but that's what assistant scout leaders are for..and every parent there should be willing to pitch in!! Good Luck!!

WELL SAID!!!

 

[GatorRay]

Personally, I think if there are others that are willing either to be co-leaders or step in when you cannot, I would do it. It would depend on the commitment of the other parents. Like Becky said, you and your other son do need some special time together as well as a bit of normalcy and this would fit the bill perfectly. However, the other families need to know that in taking on this responsibility, you are relying on them for help.

BTW, my Great-Grandmother was the first woman to be a boy scout leader .

 

[KMARINO]

Well..I am going to come with a different point of view! I say..yes you have a very full plate..but it sounds like that plate is full of very tough items. And they revolve around your very ill son. I think I would jump at the chance to spend some time doing something for my other son! But I would make sure all the parents AND fellow scouts understood you have other obligations that cannot be ignored. Let them know you will need help and there might be times meetings and activities will be cancelled or postponed..but you will do the best you can! And guess what?? That will be fine! If I am reading between the lines correctly..you WANT to do this..but understandably you realize what may lie ahead. Your scouting son will love the time you can give to him..so will you. The medical issues are of course going to take precedent...but you and your sons need a bit of normalcy too! I was a brownie leader..and coached my daughters soccer team..knowing NOTHING about either.....and it was the best time for ALL of us. Now..I didn't have the serious issues you are dealing with...but that's what assistant scout leaders are for..and every parent there should be willing to pitch in!! Good Luck!!

Well said!! I totally agree!!! My brother had CF and I know growing up and even into adulthood how much time my parents were always taking him to hospitals and all the hospitals stays that he had. You need something to focus on for YOU, my mother never did including me and my sister (won't get into the drama) . Of course the illness will be number 1, but if you want to do it, DO IT!!!

 

[LariP]

Good advice already! I can't add any better, so I'm just going to wish you and your family all the best regardless of your decision.

 

[cowsmom]

well i cant add much as both points of view have merrit as to whether you should or should not do it. i do lean toward doing it but only if you have help. it seems that you need another focus in your life and this could be it. i say how do you feel? you say you have health issues. so to me it would depend on how YOU feel. Can you do this without wearing yourself out to much? Will you be to wore down for other things. If not then i say go for it as becky said it seems you want to do it anyway.

 

[theparrisfive]

thanks for the advice everyone *hugs* i sent out a email yesterday morning and someone popped up that they were willing to be leader with help!!! so i private pm'd her and shes goin to take over leader and im going to go ahead and train but only be her backup if she cant make it to something. Im really glad it worked out for the boys

 

[theparrisfive]

Well said!! I totally agree!!! My brother had CF and I know growing up and even into adulthood how much time my parents were always taking him to hospitals and all the hospitals stays that he had. You need something to focus on for YOU, my mother never did including me and my sister (won't get into the drama) . Of course the illness will be number 1, but if you want to do it, DO IT!!!

It is hard on the other 2 kiddos. My daughter has ptsd and so takes it hard when im at the hospital for long periods with nicky and his brother seems to not care but we know he does. We do mommy and daddy nights with them. where my husband will take them out each on their own for a movie, dinner, or other special activity and then the next week ill do the same. Since we started that they seem to take it in stride a lot better. They worry about nicky a lot though. hes coded 3 times and everytime he gets sick mackenzie freaks out thinking he wont be coming home Its a very hard disease to live with. i will be keeping your family in my thoughts

 

[theparrisfive]

well i cant add much as both points of view have merrit as to whether you should or should not do it. i do lean toward doing it but only if you have help. it seems that you need another focus in your life and this could be it. i say how do you feel? you say you have health issues. so to me it would depend on how YOU feel. Can you do this without wearing yourself out to much? Will you be to wore down for other things. If not then i say go for it as becky said it seems you want to do it anyway.

I have bipolar type 1. Usually its very well taken care of but since july its been really rough. My brother decided to hang himself and me and another person tried getting him down and we slipped and rehung him and killed him.... my family disowned me over this as they blame me for his death. so ive been struggling to keep my head a float with all the crap thrown at me and have been in a downward spiral of highs and lows since it happenned. Thats my health issues please dont judge i know a lot of people see bipolar as crazy mean maniacs lol. im far from that which im sure my husband is happy about Even without "trauma" i know its possible for my med levels to go up and down which could cause issues too so im really glad that it worked out the way it did with me assisting someone else.

 

[2BullyMama]

Glad to hear someone stepped up... I'll keep you and your family on my prayer list!