Should I be okay with this?

[ABEBD]

Hello,
I was surprised to start reading this. I kept expecting the part about a dog? So, Now I have read through all of the posts as well. Tough spot to be in for you and him. on one hand you say that you don't want to live together until your married. I read this as an issue with celibet. No comment about this but, herer are a few options to consider;
1. Move in with him and you live in the extra bedroom. You each have your own space. About your dogs, leave them at your parents house.
2. have him break the lease. It might cost him some money, but better the money than the relationship.
3. keep looking for a MALE roommate. Don't jump at the first opportunity (no pun intended).

Yes, I am a man.
Good Day~

 

[LauraB]

I have to agree with the majority. Have him get a male room mate. No use putting up with this sort of drama.

 

[laurendoodler]

I would like to thank everyone for the replies! I have read through all of them and really appreciate it.

I think I'm meeting this girl at Book Club tonight, lol. So we'll see how that goes down.

I don't think he's too keen on her moving in in the first place. They've only briefly talked about it, and I highly doubt it'll happen unless he gets desperate. He really wants a male room mate. I looked on Craigslist and couldn't find anyone. Didn't think about the paper..I'll mention that to him. He wants it to be someone he knows but I'm kind of doubting that will happen.

[MENTION=2150]MatildasMommy[/MENTION] yes, I've talked to him about my concern. he thinks I'm over reacting as he states he wouldn't do anything.

[MENTION=410]Telly03[/MENTION] he does take our relationship seriously..right now it's just a matter of me being a bit jealous, I guess..and being a worry wart.

[MENTION=1648]Lucy-licious![/MENTION] aww thanks. I don't think he would entertain the idea of being with her. But once again, I'm kind of jealous and a worry wart.

[MENTION=390]cali~jenn[/MENTION] exactly, girls do play dirty!! I know I've thought about "playing dirty" before haha but never did just because I'm not like that. That's my main concern is that he'll get lured in.

[MENTION=2]desertskybulldogs[/MENTION] jealousy is the main issue here..I'm highly jealous!

[MENTION=900]KMARINO[/MENTION] I don't think I'll be comfortable either. And yes, until October he thinks. He really wants a male room mate. He doesn't want to worry about all this.

[MENTION=1209]savemejeebus[/MENTION] Tim is a very smart guy, haha, he just doesn't want to have to keep looking for a room mate! He's kind of annoyed at his current one. And I don't blame him!

[MENTION=2092]JAKEISGREAT[/MENTION] lol becky, you make me laugh xD

[MENTION=2291]cowsmom[/MENTION] it's not necessarily that we aren't ready to move in together. We would do fine with it I think. We just aren't sure if we should do that before we're married. We don't want to potentially ruin a good thing, you know?

[MENTION=1760]Fontanafox[/MENTION] haha! See, I get jealous when he talks about finding actresses attractive. pathetic, I know. But I don't sit there and go "ohhh OMG RYAN REYNOLDS I'D SO DO HIM" around him like he does with me and the girls he finds attractive >.>

[MENTION=1869]ABEBD[/MENTION] this is probably TMI but we've kind of already ruined the celebit thing. He's really Catholic and was brought up to wait until marriage but I guess something happened, lol. We're both Catholic and don't regret it at all. It's just we don't know if we should move in together before we're married. I think it might kind of take the fun out of getting married I guess, like that's something to look forward to? Maybe I'm being silly. I would never leave Delilah at my parent's house..nooo way. She's my dog, I pay for her food and vet bills and everything. As much as they love Delilah, they wouldn't want to watch her. He's not going to break the lease..he's too comfortable where he's at. And he's trying to find a male room mate. He's just entirely too picky and wants it to be someone he knows well, which I keep telling him probably isn't going to happen.

 

[Telly03]

I'm going to change my take on this... Although I maintain that it could be OK as long as nobody has any issues... my daughter actually informed me yesterday that she has a new room mate, which is a guy. I asked her how her boyfriend feels about it, and she claims that he's fine with it, they are friends. Now there is a big "however" in that if you are uncomfortable with it, and you have right to be, he needs to be considerate of that and make new plans. Make sure he knows you are uncomfortable before she moves in, not after.

 

[cali~jenn]

[MENTION=410]Telly03[/MENTION] and how do YOU feel about that?!?! haha You know as well I as I do there is only 1 reason men are friends with women (unless they are co friends to a couple of course)

 

[Davidh]

Well the way I look at is, I care enough about my wife's feelings (or girlfriend in this case) that I would not put her in this situation and would not get a female roommate. Just say-in.

 

[bullmama]

Well the way I look at is, I care enough about my wife's feelings (or girlfriend in this case) that I would not put her in this situation and would not get a female roommate. Just say-in.

Well put!! Amen to that!

 

[Telly03]

[MENTION=410]Telly03[/MENTION] and how do YOU feel about that?!?! haha You know as well I as I do there is only 1 reason men are friends with women (unless they are co friends to a couple of course)

I'll admit that it bothers me that she even has a boyfriend while she is outside of parental control... I have to keep reminding myself that she is 18 now. She's a very smart girl, but I'm sure there is going to be a lesson for her to learn from all this, but isn't that what being on your own is all about? As long as you learn from the lessons.

And [MENTION=390]cali~jenn[/MENTION] , I'm not going to agree with you on your male tunnel vision belief LOL , I have pulled off some close female friendships without crossing that line, even with what I perceived as a clear opportunity, solely for the reason that I knew it would change the dynamics of the relationship... Once you cross that line your either now dating your friend, or it becomes too awkward to continue an honest friendship with them while your dating someone else.

 

[Chunksmama]

Well the way I look at is, I care enough about my wife's feelings (or girlfriend in this case) that I would not put her in this situation and would not get a female roommate. Just say-in.

I think that is the perfect statement!!! However, I HAVE lived with male roommates where nothing went on and have a many close guy friends. (Note: I love cars and learning to work on them, used to ride motorcycles, am a total junkie for anything that goes fast including jetskis and boats basically. So I tend to have a different relationship with guys than most girls. I like to get dirty but also like to get girly. Many of these guys think of me as a "little sis". Not saying there has never been an attraction one way or the other but I've always made my friendship status very clear to all men. Easier that way. Us Jersey girls tend to be pretty bluntly honest!). That being said, any added stress in a relationship is not worth it. He has plenty of time to find someone and like you said he can handle it on his own for a little bit at least.

Another thought, try to be friendly with this girl and see how your gut instinct is. I really believe our gut is a very strong tool!

Does he rent in an apartment complex? Do they have other apts that are smaller? Very often landlords will work with you rather than having to deal with the prospect of you not paying! Maybe talk to the landlord and let him/her know the predicament and see what they say! They may be willing to work with him. Also, is the soon to be former roommate on the lease? If so, he should be held accountable for leaving early.

Last question, did you say the rent is $650 for a 2 bedroom?! If so, I'm going to faint. We pay more than double that here in Jersey!!!!!!

 

[lexterwayne]

back before i meet jeff i was living with a guy, which i knew 3 yrs prior to moving in with him, and well there was nothing going on between us EVER! When i moved in i had meet jeff just 4 months after and he was up front with me and did he didnt like the idea that the girl he was seeing was living with a guy. after he meet the roommate he knew why nothing was going on and was good on us living together haha.. they became good friends and we all still hang out ever once in a while

another thing you should think about, Jeff and I both agreed to this..... we are living together for 2 yrs before marrige. we want to see how we handle different things in evryday life and want to make sure that we can stand living together haha... we are going on 2 years and are still going strong, of course had some rocky ground but we were able to work it out and everythings back to normal usualy after people get married they "change" well after the 2 years how much more can you actually change?

 

[cali~jenn]

[MENTION=410]Telly03[/MENTION] I agree about not crossing the line and actually I mostly had guy friends myself thru the years cuz girls are well.... drama. haha My husband and I met eachother in the same group of friends actually and we were best friends for some time before we did cross the line. Wasnt until much later that I realized why most of the guys were friends with me, not so much cuz they wanted to be friends. haha Your daughter will be fine, I was just harassing you a bit. I am sure I will get my payback when my girls are much older. I dont even want to think about it. Ugh... Your daughter is out on her own at 18, nowadays that says a lot for who she is.

 

[Libra926]

Ok....I really had to stop myself from just going to the bottom and responding. This is what I think. NO.

What? You want me to explain? Oh, okay. Well....think of all the people you know (but you are still a kiddo, so you might not know any) who's relationships have ended due to cheating. It doesn't even have to be real people..they could be fictional. (I admit...I actually don't know anybody who have split due to cheating) So, I'm thinking along the lines of tv shows, Jerry Springer, books, etc.... It seems to me the cheating party always says............"I was drunk." "it didn't mean anything." "it only happened once." What I'm getting at is this.....NO! Don't add the stress to your young relationship. He has several months to find another renter. Don't let the problem move in. It already makes you uncomfortable.......you don't need that in your life right now. (I'm listening to Tru TV right now and the are rehashing a court case and the lawyer just said "she tried to seduce him........") It's all over the place. Keep your relationship uncomplicated.
My husband gave my 16 year old niece some advice just the other day. He told her "guys and girls can't be friends. Not only that, guys have no interest in being friends with girls. Oh, they have an interest in the girl alright, it's just not to be friends!" I know that's not good advice for your situation...but it's still something to keep in mind. (now they are talking about casual sex) Sheeeeesh!

 

[cali~jenn]

Well if you are a jealous person then that is a def. no. My response was if you werent a specifically jealous person so in this case it is only stronger as a no. lol. I am not a jealous person in general but if in the situation could turn into one and I think anyone could if they are pushed. Hopefully he will find a male roomate, not thru the classifieds and you will all be happy. But 1 thing I am kinda thinking.... I know you are young and only been together a year but if you are thinking you will end up married etc then wouldnt he be thinking of a diff place to live being that you do have Delilah? Or is that so far in the future it isnt even a thought yet?

 

[BullyBlair]

I'm sorry I missed this lively discussion......I've been really busy at work, and haven't logged on to EBN in a week or so.

Everything that needs to be said has been said. There has to be a way to find a male roommate (and respect your wishes). Also, since you have admitted your jealousy, that definitely puts another red flag on the situation.....go with your gut.
I've learned over the years that a woman's gut/initial reaction is always spot on.

Totally irrelevant to your situation, my only (late) input to this discussion is that it IS possible for men and women to be friends......I have several very close female friends, all at work. We've seen each other socially outside the office, and my wife is okay with this.......she trusts me, and knows I would never do anything to ruin our marriage.

But I am 46 and not 23 any longer......experience (and tiredness) have hopefully made me a little wiser with my female relationships. Also, I don't live with my female friends, that makes things a bit easier LOL

My philosophy has always been to keep out of situations that may be too tempting. This might work in this situation.

BTW, how does he feel about your bulldog?

 

[JAKEISGREAT]

I want to thank [MENTION=2606]BullyBlair[/MENTION] and [MENTION=572]Libra926[/MENTION]...BUT..I DON'T HAVE ANY THANKS RIGHT NOW!! sO I AM YELLING!! Ok..I'm better now.