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Thread: Need some advice...

  1. #1
    Boomsboozed Become a 4 Paw Member
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    Default Need some advice...

    I'm not one to go rambling about my feelings and talk about my life on the internet, let alone many of my close friends. But I despriately need some advice, and I feel like EBN is like one big family. I guess I should start from the beginning.. My Dad was diagnosed last year with stage 2 pancreatic cancer. Long story short after many chemo and radiation treatments, the cancer was gone and he was in remission. Recently this year, back in March, we found out it had returned in his liver. For the past 6 months him and I have been back and fourth between doctor's appointments and chemo treatments, and this past month has been very rough on him. His last chemo treatment was back in early September. This past Thursday he was admitted into the hospital. Today I recieved a text from him asking to come tomorrow with my sister because he has "bad news". So what I am getting at is I am thinking the worst but hoping for the best. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this if it is the news that I think it is? I've lost my brother from cancer 3 years ago and was able to push through it, but now that it's my dad it seems like a different experience. Him and I are extremely close and I want to be strong for him. Hopefully some of you can give me a little friendly advice? Thanks EBN!
    Last edited by boomsboo; 10-27-2013 at 04:01 PM.
    In Loving Memory of Tank
    11/3/2009 - 8/4/2017


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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    I lost my dad earlier this year and I was extremely close to him... in all honesty, I amazed myself at how strong I was for him. I unconsciously put all my thoughts and feelings aside and just gave him the love, support and attention he needed from me. You will be fine, just give him want he needs from you. If he is making a decision that may not be of what you wold do or want him to do, remember he is telling you because he loves you.... respect what is happening and what he chooses and just love and support him through this difficult time.

    Hugs, positive thoughts and prayers to you and your father
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    I agree with the above statement completely. Just be there to support him no matter what he decides to do. My boyfriend went through cancer and he said you can't even imagine how it feels to go through chemo and all the hardships that cancer brings. Be positive, be supportive and try to prepare as best you can. My thoughts are with you and your dad

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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by 2BullyMama View Post
    I lost my dad earlier this year and I was extremely close to him... in all honesty, I amazed myself at how strong I was for him. I unconsciously put all my thoughts and feelings aside and just gave him the love, support and attention he needed from me. You will be fine, just give him want he needs from you. If he is making a decision that may not be of what you wold do or want him to do, remember he is telling you because he loves you.... respect what is happening and what he chooses and just love and support him through this difficult time.

    Hugs, positive thoughts and prayers to you and your father
    Thank you! I will try my best to do that as well. The only thing I'm worrying about is choking up in front of him. I'm usually pretty good about hiding my emotions and grieving alone. He's not the type of person that likes to see people emotional. Especially at his expense. I figured just telling him how much he means to me and talking about our memories together will help keep things happy (hopefully). I am so sorry to hear about your father. It must have been very hard on you. I never realized how different it can feel when it's your parent. Thanks for the uplift. You've lifted my spirits and hopefully I can be as strong as you were
    In Loving Memory of Tank
    11/3/2009 - 8/4/2017


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    Default Need some advice...

    I'm so very sorry that you, your dad and your fam are going through this difficult time. I remember when my grandfather was in the hospital, the best thing we did was to simply be there for him. My whole fam practically lived in the hospital and were there everyday. We took turns in being in his room as well, making sure that he's not alone. Talk to him as much as you'd like, even when you think he can't hear you. I once held my grandfather's hand, thinking he was asleep, and he grasped back. Although you may think you may not be prepared and not know what to do, once you see your father you will.
    "I am normally not a praying man, but if you really are up there, please save me Superman!'' - Homer J. Simpson

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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    ​My prayers will be with you, your family and your Father, GOD bless all.


    My 1st bully, Brutus
    RIP beloved boy.

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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    I'm so very sorry to hear about your Dad...
    When I was 23 my Dad passed away from cancer, it was a 2 year ordeal for all of us. He had surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, the whole works... and I'm sure as you know the entire family goes thru this as well.
    You will be able to handle this, and honestly when I look back I wonder how I was able to do what I had to do at the time... but you do what you have to do!!! My father didn't handle emotions well either, so we used to make jokes about everything. His hair loss, his appetite on the countless meds, we tried to lighten up the mood as much as possible. Sending hugs & prayers to you & your family

    "What we once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us." Helen Keller
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by ddnene View Post
    I'm so very sorry to hear about your Dad...
    When I was 23 my Dad passed away from cancer, it was a 2 year ordeal for all of us. He had surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, the whole works... and I'm sure as you know the entire family goes thru this as well.
    You will be able to handle this, and honestly when I look back I wonder how I was able to do what I had to do at the time... but you do what you have to do!!! My father didn't handle emotions well either, so we used to make jokes about everything. His hair loss, his appetite on the countless meds, we tried to lighten up the mood as much as possible. Sending hugs & prayers to you & your family
    You sound just like me!! I'm 24 so I'm about the same age as when you lost your father. I am so sorry you had to deal with that and that you lost him at that age. I can totally relate to you. My dad and I were upbeat and cracking jokes all the time when we went to his chemo appointments. He recently lost his hair about a few months ago and when some would fall out he'd just laugh and throw it at me. So that gives me hope if you got through it! Thank you very much for the hugs and prayers
    In Loving Memory of Tank
    11/3/2009 - 8/4/2017


  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    I lost my mother to complications for surgery to remove cancer 9 years ago and my dad has been fighting cancer for the last 1.5 years himself. It is very tough as I can imagine your mimd is going through many of the same thoughts mine did and are currently still going through. The best advice I can give be there to provide support and love during this difficult time.
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad.

    I hope you can find the courage to be strong for him, no matter what the news is, and if you can't and need to cry that is okay too....

    Just be there for him, and there really is no perfect way to act, no perfect words to say... just being there, that is what matters.

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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    I am so sorry. It is so hard. I lost my mother to cancer 15 years ago; my father passed from lung cancer 9 years ago. It is a dreadful disease and one the whole family has to go through. You've received really good advice. Be yourself...your dad will see through anything else. It's hard, but you will be surprised at what you can do. Hang in there and just be there for your dad. I remember the last Sunday before he passed away, we spent the whole day watching football together...it wasn't much, but it was what he needed at the time. I'm sending very special prayers, hugs and love from someone who has been there. You will be fine...and take care of yourself too!

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    Filling an emptiness we don't even know we have. -- Thom Jones

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Well so sorry for your dad and what he is going through. I lost my dad some years ago to a brain tumor. I was by his side when he went. He had been suffering with it for awhile and I finally told him to just let go, and we would be fine. He died later that night. You will find a way to deal with it and you will be strong for him. Just remember, he will not have to suffer any longer and will be in a better place. You will have the good memories of him all your life. He will always be in your heart. God bless you and him, and we will keep you both in our thoughts.
    Have a Great Bully Day.
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