What's the best dog joke you've heard?

[Rachelle]

Har Har


"I say ma'am, why do you want to get a divorce?"

"Because my husband treats me like a dog."

"Does he mistreat you? Does he hit you?"

"No, he wants me to be faithful to him."

 

[ChrisRN]

I just found this one. I think many of you all can relate!

HOW TO PHOTOGRAPH A PUPPY: Remove film from box and load camera.Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash, brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose a suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Put cat outside, put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
Clean up mess.
Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" soon. :D

 

[RaRett]

WOW some REALLY MOLDY OLDIES.... btw what is a "TypeWriter" ? and what is 'Film' ? and these "Magazine" things you talk about?

I'm waiting for the next joke to talk about a telephone in a house attached to some strange cord thingy

I dont have any jokes, but I still like to poke fun at all of the things that 'date' us

 

[ChrisRN]

New one this morning: In Mississippi, a guy sees a sign in front of a house:
“Talking Dog for Sale.”
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Yep,” the mutt replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, “Ten dollars.”
The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?”
The owner replies, “He’s just a big liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”