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Thread: Be excellent to each other.

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    Arts'y bulldog farts'y Become a 4 Paw Member ModernFemme's Avatar
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    Default Be excellent to each other.

    Be excellent to each other. It's a good rule to follow when interacting with people on the forum.

    Just a kind reminder to bully owners everywhere:

    Most people come here for help (and will ask for it) or support, or just to vent about a bad day. I am all for people interjecting and trying to help, even when not asked for it, because you never know if it's something you've never knew before, etc. It's almost impossible to give 100% background on an issue. Hell, just the other day I asked a member if they were drying her bully's face after wiping it with witch hazel. DUH! She probably wanted to punch me in my face. We all do it.

    What I think is currently hurting the forums are comments of judgement. We're not all going to raise our bullies the same. Some bullies have more issues than others. Some our rescues. Some have been raised from puppyhood. Some are still puppies. Training and retraining isn't an overnight process. So you're going to hear about the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    Real life examples, if I post a thread about having a hard time with my bully, it doesn't mean I don't love him. If I post a thread about my bulldog being (a shock, i realize!) stubborn on one occasion it doesn't mean that my bully is always stubborn and never listens and I'm a horrible mom and pack leader. I can only use the examples of personal comments made towards me, but I have seen it with other members as well. Dare we talk about angel eyes, anyone?

    It's easy to form an opinion when you have just small bits of information. Just please keep this stuff in mind when interacting with posters. Many of us view our bullies as practically children. Just imagine if someone out of nowhere criticized how you were raising yours. You would probably be offended.

    I personally tend be pretty direct (sometimes brash) as an online persona, because tone is very hard to read. I don't do passive aggressive well. So if someone has offended me in this way, they probably knew it immediately. Not all users have the obnoxiousness that I have. Just because someone didn't say it, doesn't mean they weren't negatively affected by the comments.

    Think of it this way. Bulldog rantings are a lot like having a bad experience with a contractor. If you find a great contractor who does an awesome job on your kitchen, you are totally happy and will refer them if someone you know happens to be looking for one. However, if you had a negative experience with a contractor, most people are going to share the story to anyone with a pair of lungs. Amirite?

    I regret that I don't always share the fun stuff. The cuddly stuff. The obedience training stuff. Plus, let's be honest. The bad stories are way more fun and entertaining

    I just want to remind everyone that you don't always have to give out bully parenting advice. Trust me - If your bulldog hasn't looked you square in the face with a look of defiance a few times, you should probably double check and make sure you don't have a boxer




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    Default Re: Be excellent to each other.

    I agree, we are all on here to listen and help each other with our questions and worries of our bullies. We all have different experiences and ways of dealing with them. We should always remember this and respect each others' opinions and advice, we can learn from each other, we can read each other advice, but we always have the right to do what we think is right and what we are comfortable with for our own dogs, but that doesn't mean we can't respect what someone else has to say or contribute, it's everyone's individual opinion and experience, and it doesn't mean one is right or wrong. We should also always remember to treat each other the way we would want to be treated, with love and respect.
    LEARN A LESSON FROM YOUR DOG, NO MATTER WHAT LIFE BRINGS YOU, KICK SOME GRASS OVER THAT AND MOVE ON.

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    Default Re: Be excellent to each other.

    WHat you both have written is what EBN is about....... It's about the bullies first and foremost. Help where you can.... it's how we all learn.
    Now I want to say something that is my opinion and not nessecarily that of EBN. This is a private site and owned entirely by Desertskybulldogs. WE, everyone of us, are guests on her site. It is no different than being a guest in her home. We should be kind to each other and strive to be the type of guest that will be invited back. That includes being nice to the other guests. We all know that its the 'good of the bullies' that we all want and that should be our only agenda here.
    When things stray from that agenda is when the Staff has to step in. Believe me, we dont like doing it.
    I am retired and consequesntly spend a lot of time here on EBN. I hold you all as friends and absolutely hate having to step in like tonight.

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    Default

    Wow. Idk what I missed but this post shocks me. I am surprised that anyone on this forum needs to be reminded of this. That being said, very well said @ModernFemme, @Vikinggirland @BruceP


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    Bulldog Vet in Training anatess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Be excellent to each other.

    Whoa! What happened tonight? Whatever it was, it wasn't me! Lol!

    Y'all probably know this by now but I have certain ideas I've gained from being around a jillion dogs all my life, half of which I spent in a 3rd world country which is quite different from what y'all do here, and I can be quite preachy with it. Half of the Philippines would be very happy eating what we consider dog food here. English is not my first language and I never learned political correctness... But, i learned to communicate in English from school so I can sound like I know how to speak very good English because you don't hear my heavy accent. But sometimes i say things like this: At work today, I got assigned to a new manager and he is black and he asked me if I can do work for this project and I answered, "I'm your slave.". My co-worker pulled me aside and told me in harsh terms that was the worst thing I could've said. I had no idea what she was talking about until another co-worker of mine who is black and who I've worked with for over 10 years told me over lunch that it was the slave comment that was bad but that she just thought it was funny because she knows me and that I'm clueless when it comes to things like that and she knew what I was trying to say.

    What I'm trying to say here is... This is an open Internet with a jillion personalities playing in the same playground. It is very difficult for somebody like me to read and re-read everything I post worrying constantly if it may be construed as offensive to people who I don't know. So, early on in my forum experience, I decided I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to write what's in my head and just hope nobody gets offended. And I just make sure I don't write anything meant to offend... You know, like when somebody says something that may seem offensive to me, I don't fire back with an insolent response. I think to myself I might have misunderstood the intent of the post and choose not to be offended instead. I'm not perfect at it, of course. There are things that I am touchy about. But there are things I believe to be true and I'm going to try to defend it until somebody gets me to re-think my position... So, it's like, if you don't challenge me, I'll never learn any better.

    My husband often tells me when we're arguing... You always think you're right even if you're wrong. And I always tell him, if I think I'm wrong, why would I argue with you? Of course I only argue when I think I'm right and it is your job to convince me I'm wrong...



    My understanding of this site is that it is where we learn from other people's experience things that are good for EB's. But if somebody says that in their experience, beating a bulldog to submission works for discipline, we shouldn't just say, that's your way, this is my way. I'm hoping somebody would be more forceful about impressing to new bully owners that no, that is a very bad way. And then, of course the flip side happens when somebody who is doing it the wrong way is forceful about impressing to new bully owners that it's the right way... So it's like a giant conundrum and it ends up getting very confusing to new bully parents.
    Last edited by anatess; 02-14-2013 at 12:25 AM.

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    Arts'y bulldog farts'y Become a 4 Paw Member ModernFemme's Avatar
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    Default

    @anatess - your reply had me dying with laughter.

    No nothing terrible happened yesterday. The tipping point for me was when I was just reading a thread and was blown away by what people were saying to each other.

    But I agree, no point in walking on egg shells. It's actually pretty hard to offend me believe it or not, but everyone has hot buttons. I'm a designer by day so you have to develop a thick skin and take criticism. But chances are you will offend someone and it'll usually be no big deal and no harm done.

    The biggest hot point seems to be a morale one.

    Obviously animal cruelty is going to get smacked down around here, but there is a difference between beating your dog and shooing him with a rolled up newspaper for instance, but I do get what your saying.

    Play nice everyone hahaha! And a huge thanks to @desertskybulldogs for letting us play in her playpen.




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    Last edited by ModernFemme; 02-14-2013 at 07:43 AM.



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    Default Re: Be excellent to each other.

    I think overall we all do a great job in being respectful toward one another.

    I don't use squirt bottles ever. I don't want water in their face. But I know many of my dearest friends do. It works for them.

    But there is a big difference between being respectful, judgemental, being baited (which seems to be what happened yesterday), and downright being a "TROLL".

    A new person signs up and pretty much tells us they hate our breed because of two bulldogs he knows, instead of being critical it would be my personal choice to tell that person that unfortunately for him he is correct, they are out of control due to the owners they have, and I hope someday he gets the chance to meet a bulldog for who they really are, gentle sweet giants. I don't think there was much advice any of us could have given this poster accept to let him vent his obvious frustrations. His basis on the breed is based upon two very spoiled and bad mannered bulldogs who sounded like they also had a lot of baggage from being rescued. Sad for everyone involved.

    Unfortunately the thread did not go that way, got junked, and the guy is now no longer with us. Do you think he is leaving English Bulldog News with a better attitude about our breed?

    No.

    So this point I am making is that remember not ever poster who comes here knows or even understands our breed. Those with puppies that are feeling frustration need support and of course, my main goal in all of this.... EDUCATION..... not negative comments or critisism.

    There was once a member who posted here they wanted to buy a doghouse to keep their bully outdoors when they were not home. It ended up once they new why they should NOT keep their bulldog outdoors (instead of being yelled at by the members of the forum for even thinking to do so), they crate trained and became an active member of our forum. Good things can happen if you try to keep an open mind and understand that not everyone who comes here has the same education on Bulldogs as you do. We teach, we learn, and I continue to learn from all of you each day. If we would have been rude about putting his bulldog outside, they would have left the forum and his bulldog would likely be spending his days outside.

    Luckily this rarely happens, we don't have too many trolls and arguements on EBN. But I ask that you be respectful to each other. Debating issues is fine and actually quite fun. But if you are ever reading a post and thinking "Why is noone saying anything rude?" That is why.
    @ModernFemme thank you for your post. I always say how much of a PAIN IN THE *** Pookie Bear is. Because he is. And I love the brat to pieces. He's a stinker but keeps life interesting. He can now jump so high and knock my glass off the counter to get ice cubes. I have resorted to using plastic cups at all times now!

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    Default Re: Be excellent to each other.

    I love this thread. It reminds me of a bus ride I shared in St. Thomas with John Lennon's former vet. She told me that she once asked John about his religion. He said the only religion is " to love one another." While I loved her story, it took me over an hour to get over that she actually KNEW John Lennon! She is a neat lady who has taught me much about pet nutrition.




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    filling an emptiness we didn't even know we had."




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