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Thread: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

  1. #49
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @cali baker thank you for that


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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    [QUOTE=laurendoodler;111143]@cali baker thank you for that




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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by heff101 View Post
    You know I went back and re read your 1st post.

    What I am about to say is merely my observation and I do not wish to disrespect your mother in anyway.

    Your mother looks to me like she is a very un happy person. I can bet that growing up you did what your mother told you to do and you never argued with her. And what you did was never to her liking 100%

    Your mother is a person who needs to be in control. I see her as a type A personality ( I know because I am a type A myself) who needs to control everything and everyone around her. And you are the weakest link near her.

    I can guarantee you even if you became the worlds best surgeon it would still not be good enough for your mother. She would find the negatives in it rather then all the positives.

    My best advice for you is you need to distance yourself from your mother and have a heart to heart with her and just make it very clear to her that you are in control of your own life and would love to have her be a part of your life but if she continues to keep pulling you down and degrading you ( I assume that is a big part of why you suffer from depression) then you will have no other choice but to distance yourself from her physically and emotionally.

    Given your disease (depression) you need to surround yourself with people, animals etc who love you and believe in you rather then people who do the opposite. If you do this you will find a whole different outlook on life. I know it sounds hard to do but I know you can do it.

    You sound like a very loving and caring person and I think you would be wonderful and successful at whatever career choice you pick.

    If grooming is what you want to do then get up go out and just do it! Maybe approach a local vet or other groomer near you and make them the offer that you will work for them for a few weeks for free and if after that time they like your work then perhaps they can offer you a paid position.

    As a business owner if someone came to me with that offer I would take them up on it because to me it shows they really want to do it have a passion for it and are willing to prove to me that I need them.

    Also when you do apply for a job etc please dress nicely. If people come to me applying for a job the 1st thing I do is look them over head to toe. If you are wearing sweatpants etc I will not even accept your resume and will quickly end the meeting. Also smile allot and be very happy and positive. We business owners and others who hire people can pick up negative energy right away and will instantly distance ourselves from it. Walk in like you already have the job if you know what I mean.

    Maybe you could even start by volunteering to do some grooming at your local animal shelter or for neighbors and friends out of your home? I look at you and girl I see nothing but possibilities.

    So girl get up get dressed up grab your resume and start knocking on doors. If you do I guarantee you one day you will find the right door and you will enter into a whole new life a life that truly makes you happy and I bet you will no longer need your anti depression meds soon after.

    You can do it I know it and I am sure everyone here agrees with me.

    If you open your own shop do we all get a discount??? hahaha

    If you have any questions about applying for jobs and tips etc feel free to PM me. I would be more then happy to help you and give you advice.
    some good advice
    lots of love on this board for you.. you can do whatever you set your MIND to do..!!

  4. #52
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    I cant add much in this one since @cali baker and @heff101 have said it all. BUT you mentioned your dad being remarried, where is he? Maybe you could live with him if he is the more stable one? I know you are afraid of upsetting your mom cuz she is going thru a lot BUT maybe that would be the best solution for you? Or at least maybe an option you could keep open if need be?

  5. #53
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @cali~jenn he lives in the same town...he's about 15 minutes from our current house..5 minutes from the new one.


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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Well then is his house a more "stable" environment for you? What do you think of the thought of living with him if need be? I know it would be the hardest thing to leave your mom with the guilt and all you would have BUT it may be the best thing for your health. I lived with my real mom growing up and thankfully my sister knew she wanted out. I was only9 so I had to go where she went since she watched me after school and it was the best thing we ever did. My mom was abusive in her own way and had many many issues. (still does actually) Moving in with my dad and step mom made us whole and I am so thankful for this everyday of my life. I would not have turned out the same had I stayed there. Not saying she is bad but she was not healthy for us to be raised with and it kinda sounds like your mom is similar in that way. Are your dad and step mom more stable, mentally and emotionally?

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @laurendoodler I've sat here at my job, which I hate, reading every post in this thread. I can relate in a few ways, I'm 21 and a senior finance major at UCONN. I hate school. It sucks. I do have a few differences though, my degree is very flexible so I have a lot of options for jobs afterwards, unlike yours which is so specific. My parents are also still together and I do not have the family drama that you do. Also my parents pay for school which I KNOW how lucky I am with that, and although my mom isn't as controlling as yours, if I told her I wanted to quit school and groom dogs instead, she would punch me in the face. But I look at it this way, we all have to do things that we don't want to do at some point or another. I can tell we are very different personality wise, in that I need to have monetary stability or I'd lose it (maybe finance is the right major for me lol). I have a job currently that I hate and school that I hate, but I'm still happy with my life, I too have a boyfriend who loves me and an adorable bulldog that loves me too. A job is only one part of your life, I know even if I do not have a job that I enjoy I can still have a happy life, and although you spend a lot of time at your job, you spend even more at home, and I need to be able to afford a home that I'm happy in. So as you can see, we have our similarities and differences and the choices that are best for us are going to be different, but we each need to do our own thing. Different people will give you different advice and wish they could go back and change their path but we each have to make our own choices and at times our own mistakes. But you need to do what you feel works for you, not the members here and not your mom. Good luck! and

  8. #56
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @cali~jenn they are more stable, yes..but if I lived here I would have to put up with their annoying house guest and her kids. She hates my guts and gives me **** all the time and I really, really don't want to put up with her.

    @Sarah I have to pay for my own school and don't like paying for it when I hate it, lol. Being a groomer won't make me a ton of money at first, but I think I'll still be stable enough. I don't need a really really fancy house. I'm fine with an average one. I just want to be happy. I'm trying to make myself better. I'm sick of being so depressed.


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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    no i completely understand about paying for something you hate. but how much more do you have left? you could finish it up (if it isn't much) then do the job to make up the losses from school, and make some money doing it to able to move out and make the $3000 for grooming school... just a thought. a little while of unhappiness to work towards what you really want.

  10. #58
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @laurendoodler, I think you should do what makes you happy in life. That being said, I have to say it is hard being a mom and wanting the best for your children. I just got into it AGAIN with my 21 year old basically estranged son. 2 years ago I kicked him out of my house since he was smoking pot with my 15 year old (busted them twice in a 24 hour period), stole my car twice (one time he totaled it and was lucky to walk away). He feels like I abandoned him. The choice I made to not let him return was out of tough love and the desire to protect my other younger children. I thought removing me out of the picture and sending him to dad was a good solution. I am not sure our relationship will ever be fixed. Did I screw up, maybe. But I did what I felt was the best thing for him. Sometimes try to picture how hard it must be to be a mom and make mom choices. AS cliche as it sounds, there is no handbook.
    On the other hand, my mother is controlling and nothing makes her happy. I say blue she says green kinda thing. At 20, I joined the military and moved away. It was the best thing I ever did for our relationship. I have had to put up boundaries still though. Boundaries are good things. How old are you again?
    What about a compromise? Like becoming a dog groomer and get your business degree? Maybe online classes where you hav emore control? Just a thought.


    I'm a good girl, I promise

  11. #59
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @agingermom I'm 20, I've gone to college for three years now. I would have 2 years left to get a bachelor's in nursing, which isn't what I want to do.

    I'm trying to get myself to the point where I'm healthy and happy. I am terribly, terribly depressed right now. I lay in bed at night and contemplate killing myself sometimes. =/


  12. #60
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Call your therapist tomm, please! How about family therapy? You are absolutely right in becoming mentally and emotionally happyfirst and foremost


    I'm a good girl, I promise

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