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Thread: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

  1. #37
    heff101
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    You know I went back and re read your 1st post.

    What I am about to say is merely my observation and I do not wish to disrespect your mother in anyway.

    Your mother looks to me like she is a very un happy person. I can bet that growing up you did what your mother told you to do and you never argued with her. And what you did was never to her liking 100%

    Your mother is a person who needs to be in control. I see her as a type A personality ( I know because I am a type A myself) who needs to control everything and everyone around her. And you are the weakest link near her.

    I can guarantee you even if you became the worlds best surgeon it would still not be good enough for your mother. She would find the negatives in it rather then all the positives.

    My best advice for you is you need to distance yourself from your mother and have a heart to heart with her and just make it very clear to her that you are in control of your own life and would love to have her be a part of your life but if she continues to keep pulling you down and degrading you ( I assume that is a big part of why you suffer from depression) then you will have no other choice but to distance yourself from her physically and emotionally.

    Given your disease (depression) you need to surround yourself with people, animals etc who love you and believe in you rather then people who do the opposite. If you do this you will find a whole different outlook on life. I know it sounds hard to do but I know you can do it.

    You sound like a very loving and caring person and I think you would be wonderful and successful at whatever career choice you pick.

    If grooming is what you want to do then get up go out and just do it! Maybe approach a local vet or other groomer near you and make them the offer that you will work for them for a few weeks for free and if after that time they like your work then perhaps they can offer you a paid position.

    As a business owner if someone came to me with that offer I would take them up on it because to me it shows they really want to do it have a passion for it and are willing to prove to me that I need them.

    Also when you do apply for a job etc please dress nicely. If people come to me applying for a job the 1st thing I do is look them over head to toe. If you are wearing sweatpants etc I will not even accept your resume and will quickly end the meeting. Also smile allot and be very happy and positive. We business owners and others who hire people can pick up negative energy right away and will instantly distance ourselves from it. Walk in like you already have the job if you know what I mean.

    Maybe you could even start by volunteering to do some grooming at your local animal shelter or for neighbors and friends out of your home? I look at you and girl I see nothing but possibilities.

    So girl get up get dressed up grab your resume and start knocking on doors. If you do I guarantee you one day you will find the right door and you will enter into a whole new life a life that truly makes you happy and I bet you will no longer need your anti depression meds soon after.

    You can do it I know it and I am sure everyone here agrees with me.

    If you open your own shop do we all get a discount??? hahaha

    If you have any questions about applying for jobs and tips etc feel free to PM me. I would be more then happy to help you and give you advice.
    Last edited by heff101; 10-08-2011 at 11:51 AM.

  2. #38
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @heff101 I hate to admit that you are right about my mom..but I know that you are. I appreciate that. You gave me some great advice and I really appreciate it.

    I applied for a job at Petco last night. I HATE that they have all online applications now. I've applied at both Petco and Petsmart probably a combined total of 10 times..all online because that's all they do. They usually never see the application and when I go in to ask or call they haven't seen it and I have to resend. Blah. I'm thinking I'll stop in tomorrow and ask to see the manager in charge of hiring.

    Still haven't told my mom..and she's still yelling at me to get a cna job. sigh.


  3. #39
    heff101
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by laurendoodler View Post
    @heff101 I hate to admit that you are right about my mom..but I know that you are. I appreciate that. You gave me some great advice and I really appreciate it.

    I applied for a job at Petco last night. I HATE that they have all online applications now. I've applied at both Petco and Petsmart probably a combined total of 10 times..all online because that's all they do. They usually never see the application and when I go in to ask or call they haven't seen it and I have to resend. Blah. I'm thinking I'll stop in tomorrow and ask to see the manager in charge of hiring.

    Still haven't told my mom..and she's still yelling at me to get a cna job. sigh.
    Are there any smaller private owned pet store or groomers etc where you live? Apply with them.
    As for your mother please you need to get up the courage to confront her about things. The sooner you to it the better you will be happier and trust me your mom will feel better as well.
    Short term pain = long term gain.
    Have you ever considered therapy? You can start by going yourself and then maybe down the line with your mother.

    Good luck on the job hunting dont give up and be persistent.

    Oh and if you can read this book:

    http://thesecret.tv/
    Last edited by heff101; 10-08-2011 at 03:44 PM.

  4. #40
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @heff101 I was going to therapy once every 2 weeks and stopped going because I just kind of..gave up. I felt like I was going no where. Still kind of do.

    There are a few boarding / grooming places around here, but no small pet stores as far as I know of that do grooming. You can't apply to any one those places without any prior grooming experience, hence why I applied at Petco. I applied for styling assistant so I can learn under a professional groomer.

    I want to eventually go to a grooming school so I can get a certificate and prove that I know what I'm doing..that's $3000 though.

    I want to work at an actual salon once I get certified. I don't want to be at Petco forever. It's just a starting point so I can get my foot in the door and attempt to earn some money.

    I know I need to talk to my mom. But she's flat out scary lately. Been yelling at me a lot and I'm afraid to deal with it. She's really on edge because of moving..


  5. #41
    heff101
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by laurendoodler View Post
    @heff101 I was going to therapy once every 2 weeks and stopped going because I just kind of..gave up. I felt like I was going no where. Still kind of do.

    There are a few boarding / grooming places around here, but no small pet stores as far as I know of that do grooming. You can't apply to any one those places without any prior grooming experience, hence why I applied at Petco. I applied for styling assistant so I can learn under a professional groomer.

    I want to eventually go to a grooming school so I can get a certificate and prove that I know what I'm doing..that's $3000 though.

    I want to work at an actual salon once I get certified. I don't want to be at Petco forever. It's just a starting point so I can get my foot in the door and attempt to earn some money.

    I know I need to talk to my mom. But she's flat out scary lately. Been yelling at me a lot and I'm afraid to deal with it. She's really on edge because of moving..
    You know what I read this and you know what I am reading.....allot of excuses.

    I have been to therapy myself for personal reasons. Took me 4 different therapists before I found one that worked and understood me. Change therapists.

    As for your work field you are young you need to start somewhere. If it means Petco etc then by all means thats what you need to do. It will create opportunities for for that will come your way. As for schooling etc I do not know how it works in the USA but I am sure there is some sort of Government assistance to help you.

    As for your mother you need to let go of the apron strings and just distance yourself for awhile. I know exactly what your mother is doing she is laying her issues on you whether it be work health etc but do you realize that is simply a form of mental control over you? It is emotional abuse and no one needs to have to put up with that.

  6. #42
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @heff101 I guess it's just my coping mechanism. I'm messed up in the head. I have a brother and a sister as well, and she doesn't do anything like this with them. The brother is 17 and my sister is 15. My brother is some what a screw up. He is constantly getting in trouble with police for being stupid in his car and he does terrible in school and fails a lot of things. He doesn't try or apply himself. He's extremely disrespectful to my mom. She never even talked with him about college and tried to get him to go. She's letting him do whatever he wants. How is that fair? I've had all this shoved down my throat since I was a kid. And my sister, she's the golden child. She's pretty and skinny and my mom thinks the sun shines up her butt. She can't do anything wrong.

    I know it's a mental control. My main reason is I'm scared if I displease her she will kill herself.


  7. #43
    heff101
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by laurendoodler View Post
    @heff101 I guess it's just my coping mechanism. I'm messed up in the head. I have a brother and a sister as well, and she doesn't do anything like this with them. The brother is 17 and my sister is 15. My brother is some what a screw up. He is constantly getting in trouble with police for being stupid in his car and he does terrible in school and fails a lot of things. He doesn't try or apply himself. He's extremely disrespectful to my mom. She never even talked with him about college and tried to get him to go. She's letting him do whatever he wants. How is that fair? I've had all this shoved down my throat since I was a kid. And my sister, she's the golden child. She's pretty and skinny and my mom thinks the sun shines up her butt. She can't do anything wrong.

    I know it's a mental control. My main reason is I'm scared if I displease her she will kill herself.
    Control freaks will always play the suicide card. Your mother needs help.
    So what are you afraid of? You are no longer 10 years old.
    As for your family situation. Your mom fears males (I bet her father was hard on her)therefore will not pick on your brother. Your other sister I bet is very similar to her therefore they "get" each other. I bet you are more like your father? Are your parents still together? I venture to guess they are not and your mother played a big part in your father leaving. He likely got enough nerve to walk away from the situation.
    Not sure what else I can tell you but to say it again.
    You need to cut the control your mother has over you. You know how you beat a controller at their own game? You take away from them the power that allows them to control you. In your case perhaps writing your mom a letter to start off would be easier for you then to confront her face to face. You need to setup some boundaries with her and make it very clear to her that you will not accept her going beyond those boundaries without consequences.
    Man call me Dr Phil!

  8. #44
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @heff101 damn you're good, lol.

    My mom's dad was hard on her. He was an abusive jerk. He was abusive to her and her brother as well as to my grandma. We don't see him anymore. Him and my grandma got a divorce. The last time I saw him was when I was about 6 or 7 years old. The only thing I remember about him is that he smoked a lot and was mean and took his dentures out to scare me..he'd pop up from places and scare the living crap out of me without those teeth in.

    She is similar to my sister. They are both social butterflies. My sister is a skinny little popular girl with a huge group of friends; she's constantly out doing things. Mom was like that in high school too. They were both cheer leaders. They were both into dance / gymnastics.

    I'm shy and have a select group of people I will hang out with. I find it hard to trust people and am cautious. Once I get to know someone and trust you, I'm funny and love to talk but it takes time. I'm just extremely shy.

    My parents are divorced, have been since I was in the 8th grade. Not sure what the whole reason is why they got divorced. Both tell different stories. My dad has been remarried now. My mom was apparently married before my dad (she doesn't know I know that) and then got married to another man after that, so she's been married 3 times now. She just got out of a relationship with the guy we were living with who decided he wanted to turn abusive and start beating her. I'm not sure where she keeps finding these winners.

    I know I need to move on and take away the power. But I'm such a weakling and when it comes to making people feel bad..I'm bad at it. I'm a softie and have always cared a lot about other people. I've always put myself last, and that's been my downfall. I've been controlled to the point where I'm afraid to branch out.

    My mom isn't all bad. I do love her. She is supportive sometimes. She's highly moody though and is very controlling. I don't want you all to think she's terrible because she isn't. It's just in this instance she is really controlling and it's wearing my patience thin,


  9. #45
    heff101
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by laurendoodler View Post
    @heff101 damn you're good, lol.

    My mom's dad was hard on her. He was an abusive jerk. He was abusive to her and her brother as well as to my grandma. We don't see him anymore. Him and my grandma got a divorce. The last time I saw him was when I was about 6 or 7 years old. The only thing I remember about him is that he smoked a lot and was mean and took his dentures out to scare me..he'd pop up from places and scare the living crap out of me without those teeth in.

    She is similar to my sister. They are both social butterflies. My sister is a skinny little popular girl with a huge group of friends; she's constantly out doing things. Mom was like that in high school too. They were both cheer leaders. They were both into dance / gymnastics.

    I'm shy and have a select group of people I will hang out with. I find it hard to trust people and am cautious. Once I get to know someone and trust you, I'm funny and love to talk but it takes time. I'm just extremely shy.

    My parents are divorced, have been since I was in the 8th grade. Not sure what the whole reason is why they got divorced. Both tell different stories. My dad has been remarried now. My mom was apparently married before my dad (she doesn't know I know that) and then got married to another man after that, so she's been married 3 times now. She just got out of a relationship with the guy we were living with who decided he wanted to turn abusive and start beating her. I'm not sure where she keeps finding these winners.

    I know I need to move on and take away the power. But I'm such a weakling and when it comes to making people feel bad..I'm bad at it. I'm a softie and have always cared a lot about other people. I've always put myself last, and that's been my downfall. I've been controlled to the point where I'm afraid to branch out.

    My mom isn't all bad. I do love her. She is supportive sometimes. She's highly moody though and is very controlling. I don't want you all to think she's terrible because she isn't. It's just in this instance she is really controlling and it's wearing my patience thin,
    I have not said your mom is bad I said she needs help.

    You need to begin by loving yourself. You have been brainwashed by your mother from the day you were born. Please do not hate your sister I am sure she is a wonderful person in her own way.

    I dont know you personally but I like what I am seeing so far and I think you just need some moral support and inspiration and someone to help you learn to love yourself. Life is a gift and only you can decide how to live your own life.

    I hope I have helped you in some way and I encourage you to take the bull by the horns and start to make positive changes in your life.

  10. #46
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    @heff101 I know you didn't say she is bad, I was just getting that out there. I don't hate my sister..we get along for the most part. The only time we don't get along is when she's around my step sister and they decide they want to make fun of me for stupid reasons.

    I do need to like myself more. I struggle with that. I'm sick of being afraid of everything and being cautious.

    I'm sitting here doing my homework right now and I'm going nuts because this is not what I want to be doing.
    Last edited by laurendoodler; 10-08-2011 at 06:24 PM.


  11. #47
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Hi Lauren,

    I just wanted to tell you that whenever I see your posts, what you write about, the photos of you and Delilah, and all the activities you get yourself involved with, I see a young woman with a lot of wonderful, energetic, enthusiastic, and lovely qualities. I see someone who is innovative, takes chances, and is not afraid to try new things. You inspire people like me when I read about how you take Delilah to agility classes and with your art and with your photography. I'm more than twice your age but I've learned a lot from you since being a member on this board! I just wanted you to know all of this b/c I don't think you see all these terrific qualities about yourself. I can already envision you as this fantastic groomer b/c what you would bring to your profession is a lot of sincerity, warmth, and love for your clients and work.

    You can do it!




  12. #48
    heff101
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by cali baker View Post
    Hi Lauren,

    I just wanted to tell you that whenever I see your posts, what you write about, the photos of you and Delilah, and all the activities you get yourself involved with, I see a young woman with a lot of wonderful, energetic, enthusiastic, and lovely qualities. I see someone who is innovative, takes chances, and is not afraid to try new things. You inspire people like me when I read about how you take Delilah to agility classes and with your art and with your photography. I'm more than twice your age but I've learned a lot from you since being a member on this board! I just wanted you to know all of this b/c I don't think you see all these terrific qualities about yourself. I can already envision you as this fantastic groomer b/c what you would bring to your profession is a lot of sincerity, warmth, and love for your clients and work.

    You can do it!
    Amen

    Well said.

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