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Thread: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    thank you for trusting us to open up and be honest... that takes a lot of courage.. this page is not big enough to tell you my life story ( ha ha ) but I have been through a lot .. I am 44 now. I had a baby when I was 16 ( he is now 28).. got married at 19, had another child who was diagnosed with cancer.. My mom and dad divorced when we were young. I have a brother in jail, another brother who is crazy ... my POINT to telling you all of this is each day I made a choice.. I was in therapy at a very young age.. I remember my therapist telling me " you have a choice every day you get up ".. Lauren so do you.. this is YOUR life.. My 28 year old opted not to go to college.. ( yes we fought about it for a bit ) but it was not for him.. I took out loans and he went to school to do web design.. he worked making very good money for two years called me one day and said Mom I can' t do this.. he is now a cross country truck driver, has a beautiful home in Ohio and is one of the nicest men I know.. ( good people).. my other son who had the cancer and beat it is 22 and just got his BSN in nursing.. he too is wonderful and ( good people ).. I realize now that I had no control over any of their futures the whole time. We raise our children to be good people and we want the best for them but ultimately we want our children to be happy. I am HAPPY. I got remarried 7 years ago.. to a wonderful man.. my boys are great.. I love my BABY DUKE and life is wonderful.. because I decided one day I wanted it to be that way..and I stopped trying to please everyone around me.

    I think you should be honest and respectful with your mom.. she may not be happy at first but TIME heals and if she sees you HAPPY and healthy she will know you made the right decision for YOU... we can not live our lives to please others.. I wish you luck and I admire you for reaching out to get support from others.. I am sure you inspired others that read this and may not even respond to do things with their own lives.. so thank you !

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by JAKEISGREAT View Post
    Lauren..... I'm going to speak about what you want to do..grooming! Guess what? My sister lives in Grand Forks North Dakota..she has her own business..much like what you are thinking about. She started as a grooming business and sold minimal amounts of pet products. She moved to a bigger city..where she is now..went to a very prestigious training school in Texas..and expanded her business to grooming..boarding and training. Look up her website..it's called Wag N Train..Now..I'm going to tell you her biggest problems have been with her health. Her back is so messed up..probably from lifting heavy dogs..but it has provided a living for her and her two sons..through divorce and everything. She was able to purchase a great building and has an indoor training facility..which you will need in the winter. Here in California..mobile groomers are quite popular..you go to the clients..but it's expensive to set yourself up in that and so as a customer it's $$$$!!! There are lots of ways to make tis happen. If it's what YOU love..go for it! You can't go through life living your life for your mom!! I'm a mom of two grown daughters..one is a schoolteacher..making as we all know..not a lot of money...but she LOVES her job. My older daughter is an urban planner..making beaucoup bucks..but not as happy as my teacher daughter. In fact..I think BOTH of them would've loved teaching...you follow your dreams..sometimes it's a crooked path with lots of obstacles..but you will learn something every step of the way! If you move forward..and towards what makes you happy..you will be able to put the bad things away. They will still be there...but the good will overcome the weight you feel from the bad! You can do ANYTHING!
    Love it!!

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by JAKEISGREAT View Post
    Lauren..... I'm going to speak about what you want to do..grooming! Guess what? My sister lives in Grand Forks North Dakota..she has her own business..much like what you are thinking about. She started as a grooming business and sold minimal amounts of pet products. She moved to a bigger city..where she is now..went to a very prestigious training school in Texas..and expanded her business to grooming..boarding and training. Look up her website..it's called Wag N Train..Now..I'm going to tell you her biggest problems have been with her health. Her back is so messed up..probably from lifting heavy dogs..but it has provided a living for her and her two sons..through divorce and everything. She was able to purchase a great building and has an indoor training facility..which you will need in the winter. Here in California..mobile groomers are quite popular..you go to the clients..but it's expensive to set yourself up in that and so as a customer it's $$$$!!! There are lots of ways to make tis happen. If it's what YOU love..go for it! You can't go through life living your life for your mom!! I'm a mom of two grown daughters..one is a schoolteacher..making as we all know..not a lot of money...but she LOVES her job. My older daughter is an urban planner..making beaucoup bucks..but not as happy as my teacher daughter. In fact..I think BOTH of them would've loved teaching...you follow your dreams..sometimes it's a crooked path with lots of obstacles..but you will learn something every step of the way! If you move forward..and towards what makes you happy..you will be able to put the bad things away. They will still be there...but the good will overcome the weight you feel from the bad! You can do ANYTHING!
    Well said!!
    And, for the record, if I would have listened to my mom and worried about making her happy -- I would have been bare-foot and pregnant for all of my 20's. Nothng matter to her about my happiness, unless it involved grandkids... she got 24 of them, just not from me ;-)
    Last edited by 2BullyMama; 10-07-2011 at 12:35 PM.

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    I agree with everyone else. You need to do what makes you happy. Live your life for you and not someone else. Life is too short to be unhappy. Like you said, if you fail you can always go back to school, or try something else. At least you can't say you did not try. Good luck with your Mom and hopefully she will understand. Just do what is going to make you happy and you will be great at it. Please keep us posted, and remember we are all here for you.
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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    My little darling, you have just poured your heart out, and you must feel better for doing that, i have two older daughters both are married now, i brought them up alone.... i was happy with what ever thay had decided to do in life, as long as thay did not get hurt, or hurt anybody on the way, i let them have freedom, find themselfs in life, you must do what makes you happy hun life is to short to live it for others, your mum will work it out,in her mind, PLEASE DO WHAT YOU FEEL MAKES YOU HAPPY INSIDE it will be worth it in the end good luck

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    You have gotten tons of great advice, all I will add is I had a job that paid well and I hated every minute of it! I wanted to throw up every morning before going to work. I took a new job working at and eventually managing a dog daycare which paid quite a bit less. Everyone used to laugh at my job adn make fun of it. I told them all that I got up every morning for years happy to go to work, I loved my job, I worked over a lot because I was so happy there. I moved and even commuted almost 2 hours so I could stay employed there. I asked them if they could say the same. I usually got silence as a response. Just something to think about.
    If tears could build a staircase and happy memories a lane, I could walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again!

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Lauren..I hope you feel all the here...THIS is an amazing group of people! GROUP !!!!

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    I'm not sure I can really add to what has already been said. I too will tell you to follow your heart. If you don't then you will never be truly happy. A groomer can make reasonable money ... speaking as somebody with two miniature schnauzers and two poodle mixes!! All 4 of them get groomed and each time they cost approx $40. I would start looking at community colleges in your area. I know that ours was offering one for somewhere around the $500 mark for a dog grooming course. I don't know if you would need something a bit more than that or whether that would be enough.

    It sounds as if you have always wanted to work with animals ... so this would be a way of doing it. PLUS you are already grooming your friend's pets so it sounds as if you are just going to be taking the next step.


    Good luck with your Mum .. to me it sounds as if she is just desperately trying to make sure that you are in a position where you will not be forced to make some of the awful decisions that she has had to make. Ultimately, you can not live her dream, you have to live your own.

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by LaurieLolaandMojo View Post
    I cant stress enough Make yourself happy first, everything else will fall into place.
    True words. Nobody can tell you what to do for the rest of your life. No matter what path you head down, you may end up loving or hating it. It is both our successes and mistakes that make us who we are. So, whichever way you go, good luck and make the most of it, good or bad.

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Big to you Lauren. There's some wonderful advice up above. You have to do what's best for you, follow your heart. It's not always an easy road when you're walking it but when you reach the end and reflect back you realize things in life happen for a reason and if those things didn't happen they wouldn't have brought you to where you later in life. I wish I could offer more advice myself. I can say that my son and I had a falling out back in 02 and it wasn't until late 04 that we started speaking again. It took us several months to get back to being on wonderful grounds but it took work on both our parts. Today, our relationship couldn't be better, ok we could have less distance in miles between us. I've always said that the 20's are some of the hardest years, you're just finding your path and really who you are. The 30's life is starting to fall into place and by the 40's, it's going pretty good for the most part. Following what's in your gut and heed to some of the advice above.

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    Quote Originally Posted by JeannieCO View Post
    Big to you Lauren. There's some wonderful advice up above. You have to do what's best for you, follow your heart. It's not always an easy road when you're walking it but when you reach the end and reflect back you realize things in life happen for a reason and if those things didn't happen they wouldn't have brought you to where you later in life. I wish I could offer more advice myself. I can say that my son and I had a falling out back in 02 and it wasn't until late 04 that we started speaking again. It took us several months to get back to being on wonderful grounds but it took work on both our parts. Today, our relationship couldn't be better, ok we could have less distance in miles between us. I've always said that the 20's are some of the hardest years, you're just finding your path and really who you are. The 30's life is starting to fall into place and by the 40's, it's going pretty good for the most part. Following what's in your gut and heed to some of the advice above.
    so true!!

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    Default Re: Contemplating a Major Life Change...help?

    I would like to say thanks to each and everyone of you. The fact that you all read through this and took the time to respond means a lot to me. I love you all!!

    As we speak, I'm listening to my mom upstairs screaming at her ex-boyfriend. We all still live in the same house. We close on our new house next week..and then we're moving and her boyfriend is moving back to Pennsylvania. *sigh* I've lived in 5 houses in the last 6 years. Ridiculous. They're so immature..I'm more immature than my mom, I swear. They are fighting over FACEBOOK. Makes me want to beat my head on a desk.

    I was going through some of my stuff that I wanted to sell in my room. Mom comes down and tells me instead of selling stuff, I need to "get up off of my lazy *** and get CNA certified and get a god damn job." That makes me feel wonderful. I don't WANT a CNA job. I'm going to Petco tonight to talk to a manager there..her name is Wendy. She LOVES me and Delilah. I was the first customer she ever helped there when she first started. I go in several times a week just to chat with her..I even give her Christmas cards every year. But I think they were hiring bathers so I'm thinking maybe I could get in there and earn up some money. I want to to finish up this semester of my schooling, and then get into a grooming program. I need a job in the mean time though to make money..the grooming programs are like $2000 or more for 3 months schooling. =/

    @LaurieLolaandMojo I really don't think I ever will tell her what happened with her ex. She'd go on a rampage and try to do something stupid. She's attempted suicide 3 times. Every single time I'm the one that finds her, I'm the one that has to call 911. It's messed me up. She will be so furious with me if I go for grooming, I know she will be. And I'm scared.

    @cali~jenn I've accepted that I'm not going to be anything huge, and that's okay with me in all honesty. But it won't be to her. I am going to community college right now. There are local grooming schools around here. It's about $2000 for the schooling. =/ Which isn't bad for your career, just a lot at once. I didn't really have a whole lot of interest in mobile grooming but that seems interesting. I don't think anyone around here does that.

    @Lucy-licious! Tim is very supportive. He's tired of seeing me upset and miserable. I cry every day. I'm seriously in a huge slump and want to be happy. I'm very afraid of upsetting my mom because she screams and yells and hits when I don't do what she wants.

    @BellasMom I do still live with her..that's kind of the problem. I want to save up some money before I move out. I don't really care if she charges me rent, I'll pay it. I give her money now the way it is anyway. My biggest concern is losing medical insurance. I'd be graduating school with a degree..but only an associate's..but I'm only covered by insurance as long as I'm in school I think. It might be that I'm okay until I'm 21..I think you can be covered until age 26 if you're in school. I do have medical problems and need insurance. I have good insurance now. So, I'm scared in that regard. But what do I do..? Be unhappy for the rest of my life so I can get a few more years of good insurance? I just..don't know. I wish I didn't have all these health problems and that I didn't have to worry about that.She's going to yell and scream and be disgusted with me. She's going to want to slap me in the face and tell me I'm throwing away my life. And she'll say I'll be a worthless pile. I don't want to hear all of that!

    @SunDog thank you for your input!! At first, I wanted to be in college. But now, I don't. I'm only there because of my parents. And I'm wasting money and doing stuff I don't want to do. I'm glad to have input from a professor. I do still try..I try my hardest and I get A's and B's. I just..don't enjoy it anymore. And haha, yes, Caesar is doing QUITE well!

    @Jack Daniels when I was in high school, my mom tried to force me to join the army so that I could get my schooling paid for..ugh. I really didn't have a desire to do that. I respect the hell out of anyone in the military, but it's not for me. She made me talk to recruiters and everything. The only reason I got away with not doing it is because they wouldn't accept me with all of my medical problems.

    @JAKEISGREAT I appreciate your input It sounds like your sister has been very successful. I shouldn't have a hard time lifting dogs, I'm pretty strong..lol I do it now anyways and did it while I was working at the Vet..I worked there for 5 years. I would love to open up my own place..and have training classes. I'd also love to have my own grooming school. You can make $2000-$4000 to train one person for three months. If I got good enough and was well known enough..that would be fabulous if I could train other people. I'd also maybe like to do some "scholarships" and take in a less privileged person with less money and train them for free. Like one person a year. That'd be cool and a way to give back.

    @BabyDuke thanks for sharing your story, I do appreciate that. College really isn't for everyone, you're right. I was originally going for my BSN but I don't want to do that anymore. I'd like to think I'm a good person. I've always put others before myself and it's cost me my happiness. I just want to be happy.

    @2BullyMama haha, if I listened to mine, I'd be going to school for 15 years and making a crap ton of money and not getting married until I was like, 40. Which is the exact opposite of what I want. I want to get married by the time I'm like 24 or 25. And I want kids when it's plausible. I'm tired of her controlling me.

    @Davidh thank you for that. I'm trying to do what makes me happy. I just want to at least try. If I fail, I fail. I at least tried to be happy then.

    @deegary I do feel better for pouring everything out. But I feel guilty as well. I'm trying very hard to be happy..but I feel so bad for trying to be.

    @dozersmama thank you for the input. I to want a job where I can enjoy going to every day. Any of the jobs I've had I hated. I dreaded clinicals when I was doing that CNA stuff. I hated my warehouse job that paid well. It paid well but I was miserable and hated every minute I was there. If I'm making less money, but I'm happy..I don't care!! I want happiness!!

    @kazzy220, yes, good groomers who do a good job and are good with their animals and their owners do make decent money. I don't think the community colleges around here offer dog grooming. I go to the community college and haven't heard anything about that. But I will look into it. A few of the local groomers have schools and they are pricey..at least $3000.

    @HuddysBuddy you're absolutely right! I've made my fair share of mistakes and they've made me a better person.

    @JeannieCO that's what I'm afraid of..having a falling out and losing my mom's respect, since my whole life that's basically what I've strived for. I'm so jealous of my boyfriend's relationship with his parents..they're so close and let him do what he wants to do without passing judgement. Not my mom. I'm just afraid she's going to disown me. Just like she told me if I ever got knocked up before I was married she'd kick me out and have nothing to do with it. =/ I've only been 20 since April and yes..it's proving to be very difficult.


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