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Thread: When people don't understand your profound GRIEF

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    Harvey's Executive Assistant Become a 4 Paw Member
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    Default Re: When people don't understand your profound GRIEF

    Quote Originally Posted by Manydogs View Post
    I have had many dogs in my life. I also have 2 human sons. My dogs give me more attention and love than either of my sons. It does not hurt any less, no matter how many dogs you have had,when you lose them. It seems the heart always has more room,no matter how much the hurt. People who could say something to you like "get over it" or "he'll get over it" have put a wall around their heart. That is why they would never get another dog. If you truly,truly LOVE dogs, you could not WANT to live without one.
    You never really get over it, but eventually, you get through it.
    Amen I tell ya, this young lady is just full of wisdom.
    Hug your bully today

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    EBN's SWEETHEART aka our little GOOB Become a 4 Paw Member
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    Default Re: When people don't understand your profound GRIEF

    I have 2 children (24 son & 18 daughter), 1 grandson and I have had several fur-kids... starting from cats to now bulldogs and everything in-between. Obviously the relationship you have with your skin-kids is completely different than your fur-kids, but I have nurtured them and loved them completely. I consider them ALL to be my children...

    Many people say the wrong things to those of us grieving, especially when it comes to our fur-kids... and it's because they don't understand. I don't believe that they want to hurt our feelings, they have just kept their heart at a distance. I believe that MANY of us on here do NOT know how to do that, and WE are the lucky ones!!! To love completely is always a risk, at some point we have to say good-bye... and truth be told I think that is the ONLY way to LOVE

    "What we once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us." Helen Keller
    RIP Wellie, Bella, Winston & Roxie

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    Wrinkle Wiper TooTooMommy's Avatar
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    Default Re: When people don't understand your profound GRIEF

    Quote Originally Posted by Manydogs View Post
    I have had many dogs in my life. I also have 2 human sons. My dogs give me more attention and love than either of my sons. It does not hurt any less, no matter how many dogs you have had,when you lose them. It seems the heart always has more room,no matter how much the hurt. People who could say something to you like "get over it" or "he'll get over it" have put a wall around their heart. That is why they would never get another dog. If you truly,truly LOVE dogs, you could not WANT to live without one.
    You never really get over it, but eventually, you get through it.

    Thank you, everybully!
    I bolded the above from @Manydogs because it REALLY helped me to realize that she DOES have a bit of a wall around her heart, and she totally admits it. For her, it is much easier to make somewhat flippant comments that she does NOT mean in a hurtful way at all. I have to remember that we all deal with loss and grief differently. She has not only lost sweet doggies, but she also lost her Mom when she was 16----that obviously had a HUGE, sad impact on her life that she and her sister and I have talked about a lot.

    I was SO taken aback and saddened by her comment at the time; but looking back, I realize that I was being self-centered because I would EXPECT anybully to say something kind and empathetic, but that's just not how everyone rolls.


    I have another close friend who has FOUR bulldogs and her parents, hubbs, children, AND grandchildren tease her "your bulldogs are treated better than ALL OF US!" She treats ALL her hoomans very well, too, they just tease her (my family does, too, saying they WISH they had the lives of Meaty and Sophie...hee hee!) They're a very fun, LOUD, silly, loving family who joke around a LOT, just as mine does. We both also get teased for our doggies having more clothes, hats, costumesand BEDS than WE do....LOL!

    She lost her very first bulldog suddenly when he was only five This was about 3 years ago, and she STILL worries that she missed signs / symptoms that could have saved him from his heart attack, she still cries over him very often, etc. Again----she and I are the same in that way---my other friend isn't---and I just have to accept that! If I'd had the same convo with her about worrying about how my hubbs will grieve when Meaty dies, it would have been completely different, because she is very open with her emotions, tears, etc....just as I am.

    For my friend who made the flippant remark, I think for her---grief is SO horrible, sad, and scary---it's easier to say things like she did, and I just have to accept it. I think she feels the same way I felt when I lost my brother---that I honestly thought I would NEVER stop crying, and that was scary and hard! My hubbs also suggested that it's probably better just to NOT talk about doggies dying with her, and I think he's right! She also has never understood why we go through the heartache of fostering/ adopting hospice bulldogs, so, once again, I think hubbs is right that doggies just AREN'T something
    she and I should talk about anymore.

    Thanks again, everybully!

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