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Thread: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

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    Default FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    Good morning everyone, So I posted awhile back they I put in an application to foster EB's via Long Island Bulldog Rescue, well I received my first call to foster a two year old male and my husband said, do what you want but you know how I feel about it. How the heck am I supposed to move forward with that kind of comment. I'm really bummed about it because I so want to help a dog in need. My husband is afraid it will change Otis in some way, shape or form for the worse, now Otis is the sweetest, smartest, best listener on and on and on....feeling really discouraged. I am 45 years old darn it, why cant I do what I want. Now I resent him and if I moved forward with it, he would resent me - it's a no win situation right now. Any advice? Does anyone think it could have an adverse effect on Otis?
    Otis you'll never know how much I love you I love you more then all the leaves on all the trees

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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    Ohhhh man...this is a tough one. Since I have no fostering experience, I will tag a couple people who have. I'm sorry something so generous of you has caused such a problem.
    @kazzy220.. @Bella'sMom

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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    Quote Originally Posted by JAKEISGREAT View Post
    Ohhhh man...this is a tough one. Since I have no fostering experience, I will tag a couple people who have. I'm sorry something so generous of you has caused such a problem.
    @kazzy220.. @Bella'sMom
    Thank you - I feel like I've let down LIBR - I know I can contribute in many other ways but I thought giving a dog some time, love, and compassion would be better suited for me.
    Otis you'll never know how much I love you I love you more then all the leaves on all the trees

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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    Quote Originally Posted by LynnA View Post
    Thank you - I feel like I've let down LIBR - I know I can contribute in many other ways but I thought giving a dog some time, love, and compassion would be better suited for me.

    I don't think you will let down anyone! And actually, maybe there are other ways you can help. You know..baby steps towards your goal.

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    Bulldog Vet in Training bluesteelapd's Avatar
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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    I am fostering. It has changed Momo's behavior but not necessarily for the bad. She is a bit more playful now, although she can be a bit territorial when I'm on the computer. Its the best thing I could ever do, but it is a lot of work.
    I can appreciate you coming on here for advise, as one of you will resent the other if this doesn't get straightened out. You both need your needs to be met. Perhaps you could try just fostering 1 dog. Or maybe talking to you husband and getting more details from his as to what his specific concerns are and then addressing that with the rescue so they can help?
    Good Luck!
    Eddie: Patsy hasn't eaten since 1974.
    Patsy: A crisp, darling. A crisp.
    -Absolutely Fabulous-

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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    Quote Originally Posted by bluesteelapd View Post
    I am fostering. It has changed Momo's behavior but not necessarily for the bad. She is a bit more playful now, although she can be a bit territorial when I'm on the computer. Its the best thing I could ever do, but it is a lot of work.
    I can appreciate you coming on here for advise, as one of you will resent the other if this doesn't get straightened out. You both need your needs to be met. Perhaps you could try just fostering 1 dog. Or maybe talking to you husband and getting more details from his as to what his specific concerns are and then addressing that with the rescue so they can help?
    Good Luck!
    Thank you for the advice. I did ask him to let's just "try it" and if it doesn't work out I will contribute to the rescue in other ways. He say's do what you want but that's not a good start when we are both not on the same page. Personally, I think given the right situation Otis would love a foster sibling. Carl just feels that - what if Otis gets attached and then the dog goes into a forever home, what if Otis goes from the great demeanor that he has to being jealous of another dog and sharing attention - they are all "what if's" until we at-least try. It's something I feel very strongly about - if I was single, I'd have a houseful.
    Otis you'll never know how much I love you I love you more then all the leaves on all the trees

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    Bulldog Vet in Training bluesteelapd's Avatar
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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    I don't want to come off sounding arrogant or Freudish, and I myself fall victim to this, too. We tend to project feelings onto our dogs that don't belong there.
    The concern that a dog will get attached to another dog and then have problems letting go, or the dog will have issues with sharing, etc...The way I look at it is two fold:
    Dogs (and cats) will adjust, period. Its the humans that have a harder time dealing with things than the dogs do.
    I'm a firm believer in as long as you are strong and confident in your abilities, anything can be overcome with the dog behavior. It's the human factor that is the issue, not the dog factor.
    There's my two cents
    Eddie: Patsy hasn't eaten since 1974.
    Patsy: A crisp, darling. A crisp.
    -Absolutely Fabulous-

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    The Ultimate Sourmug Sherry's Avatar
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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    My husband didn't want me to feed raw to my five , I did it eventually, found out in several months it wasn't exactly for me since I have 5 dogs that eat in the house and went back to kibble. Lesson learned, I'm glad I did it and wouldn't change a thing. I think in many ways, LOL I'm smarter than my husband , It's my life and I wouldn't want to hold him back from something he wanted to do. Just saying
    Life is like a box of chocolate covered

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    Texas Carol....put the heart in EBN Become a 4 Paw Member
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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    Funny you should post this today, Lynn, when over this last week, I thought over
    many aspects of my relationship with Stuart~he's been dead a year, last week.

    I'm very headstrong and it was rare I did not do whatever it was I decided to do.
    Asked for and listened to advice but always made my own decisions. Stuart was much
    more mellow than I and...he wanted me happy so he rarely went against me BUT if he
    felt strongly one way or another he had no problem standing (and holding) his ground!
    Like you, I have a heart for needy animals and rescued all my life. To the point, at one time
    I had 3, 100 lb dogs then Mom can and added an indoor, not house trained Pug...we also
    had 4 indoor, longhaired housecats (all rescues)...Hubby WAS NOT happy. Whose to say
    WHO is right? I see both sides of this argument and I feel for both of you, I really do. Try
    to find a middle ground (I always HATED middle ground) and make it a Win Win. Maybe do
    other types of helping the rescue (you are not letting anyone down) than fostering right now.

    I realize I am advising, from my viewpoint of losing Stuart, but many of the things we argued
    about were not worth it. Losing the peace between you and/or losing the peace in your home,
    it's just not worth it, IMHO. I thought it was but now, I think differently. Give him more time to
    think it over and show him how much HE means to you by not fostering right now...trust me, he
    WILL see your sacrifice on his behalf and he will think about the issue, some more.

    Stuart & I had many fights that continued after I got so many animals, more so because I'd gotten
    so ill and he resented my strength going to them instead of me. Of course, it was a situational thing,
    not planned. Two dogs came together (brothers), they were perfectly healthy, beautiful 2 y/o
    Catahoulas whose owner was going to put them down because she didn't want them anymore.
    Two cats from rescue came too, on the gas list and I'd just rescued one before that. I did, eventually
    find homes for all but my Golden and my CoCo, a stray that I still have, she's 14 now. But it was a long,
    hard road and I now think I was very selfish, asking Stuart to pay so much for their upkeep and put up
    with so much...we live in Texas, it's long, hot Summers so everyone was indoors for Summers for those
    2 years.

    Lynn, you know I will keep you & Hubby in prayer, give Otis sloppy kisses from me & Cami. What you did
    for me that awful Christmas, 4 months after Stuart died, will NEVER be forgotten if I live forever! I know
    the deep width of your compassionate, caring & kind heart and so I know you struggle with this. I am
    with you in spirit, dear friend, there will always (sadly) be animals in need of loving homes. Give this over
    to GOD and trust HIS timing, there is a way for both of you to be happy and PEACE between you and in
    your home...there is! Sending you much love & GOD's blessings!!


    My 1st bully, Brutus
    RIP beloved boy.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    Quote Originally Posted by bluesteelapd View Post
    I don't want to come off sounding arrogant or Freudish, and I myself fall victim to this, too. We tend to project feelings onto our dogs that don't belong there.
    The concern that a dog will get attached to another dog and then have problems letting go, or the dog will have issues with sharing, etc...The way I look at it is two fold:
    Dogs (and cats) will adjust, period. Its the humans that have a harder time dealing with things than the dogs do.
    I'm a firm believer in as long as you are strong and confident in your abilities, anything can be overcome with the dog behavior. It's the human factor that is the issue, not the dog factor.
    There's my two cents
    I LIKE your two cents...thank you
    Otis you'll never know how much I love you I love you more then all the leaves on all the trees

  11. #11
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    LynnA's Avatar
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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    Quote Originally Posted by Sherry View Post
    My husband didn't want me to feed raw to my five , I did it eventually, found out in several months it wasn't exactly for me since I have 5 dogs that eat in the house and went back to kibble. Lesson learned, I'm glad I did it and wouldn't change a thing. I think in many ways, LOL I'm smarter than my husband , It's my life and I wouldn't want to hold him back from something he wanted to do. Just saying
    I fully agree! Geez, now I re-sent him for not letting me do something that could be my passion or LEAD me to my passion or calling - when you are young you think, when I'm older I can and WILL do whatever I want but NO not me - they call this COMPROMISE, well that has never been one of my strong suits. I think this whole story is TO BE CONTINUED as I may just take him up on his "do what you want to do, but you know how I feel"
    Otis you'll never know how much I love you I love you more then all the leaves on all the trees

  12. #12
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    Default Re: FOSTERING and husband not cooperating

    Quote Originally Posted by Texas Carol View Post
    Funny you should post this today, Lynn, when over this last week, I thought over
    many aspects of my relationship with Stuart~he's been dead a year, last week.

    I'm very headstrong and it was rare I did not do whatever it was I decided to do.
    Asked for and listened to advice but always made my own decisions. Stuart was much
    more mellow than I and...he wanted me happy so he rarely went against me BUT if he
    felt strongly one way or another he had no problem standing (and holding) his ground!
    Like you, I have a heart for needy animals and rescued all my life. To the point, at one time
    I had 3, 100 lb dogs then Mom can and added an indoor, not house trained Pug...we also
    had 4 indoor, longhaired housecats (all rescues)...Hubby WAS NOT happy. Whose to say
    WHO is right? I see both sides of this argument and I feel for both of you, I really do. Try
    to find a middle ground (I always HATED middle ground) and make it a Win Win. Maybe do
    other types of helping the rescue (you are not letting anyone down) than fostering right now.

    I realize I am advising, from my viewpoint of losing Stuart, but many of the things we argued
    about were not worth it. Losing the peace between you and/or losing the peace in your home,
    it's just not worth it, IMHO. I thought it was but now, I think differently. Give him more time to
    think it over and show him how much HE means to you by not fostering right now...trust me, he
    WILL see your sacrifice on his behalf and he will think about the issue, some more.

    Stuart & I had many fights that continued after I got so many animals, more so because I'd gotten
    so ill and he resented my strength going to them instead of me. Of course, it was a situational thing,
    not planned. Two dogs came together (brothers), they were perfectly healthy, beautiful 2 y/o
    Catahoulas whose owner was going to put them down because she didn't want them anymore.
    Two cats from rescue came too, on the gas list and I'd just rescued one before that. I did, eventually
    find homes for all but my Golden and my CoCo, a stray that I still have, she's 14 now. But it was a long,
    hard road and I now think I was very selfish, asking Stuart to pay so much for their upkeep and put up
    with so much...we live in Texas, it's long, hot Summers so everyone was indoors for Summers for those
    2 years.

    Lynn, you know I will keep you & Hubby in prayer, give Otis sloppy kisses from me & Cami. What you did
    for me that awful Christmas, 4 months after Stuart died, will NEVER be forgotten if I live forever! I know
    the deep width of your compassionate, caring & kind heart and so I know you struggle with this. I am
    with you in spirit, dear friend, there will always (sadly) be animals in need of loving homes. Give this over
    to GOD and trust HIS timing, there is a way for both of you to be happy and PEACE between you and in
    your home...there is! Sending you much love & GOD's blessings!!
    Carol, If anyone hasn't told you lately, let me be the first to say you are a wonderful woman. Your words mean a great deal to me and I appreciate the time you took to write this post and share your life experience when it comes to this issue. It is a really big issue to me - I kind of stumbled upon it and it hit me that I CAN help this situation - there is such a need for fostering, in one weekend alone they brought in over 40 dogs....
    I will continue to seek God's strength in this - thank you so much for your post's and kind words. I really cherish. Right back at cha with sloppy kisses to Cami from Otis and I. I hope your doing well my friend. xoxo
    Otis you'll never know how much I love you I love you more then all the leaves on all the trees

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